Page 6 of The Love of Our Lives
Shit, it must have fallen out.
‘But why didn’t you tell us you’d got this? After everything we’ve been through together.’
Frustration courses through me. ‘Because I only got it a week ago and I’m still processing it.’
Her eyes widen. ‘But did you even read what it says?’
‘Of course I did, Jess.’
‘Do you agree with it?’ She holds it up to my face.
‘Yes,’ I repeat, but more hesitantly this time.
Jess throws her hands up. ‘Then I don’t understand why you’re not doing it all.’
‘All what?’
‘Everything, Maggie. You’ve got a new heart. You’re healthy now. So why aren’t you making the most of it?’
‘You know why,’ I say annoyed now. ‘You know I can’t do any of the stuff I really want to.’
Jess just stares at me, like I’ve said something crazy.
‘But why not?’ she says. ‘You did when Cat was around, and—’
‘And look what happened,’ I finish.
A silence passes between us in the warm air, and I know we have the same images in our minds.
The hospital, everyone weeping.
A darkness like no other.
‘Maggie,’ she says, softer now, ‘Cat died, and it was awful, for everyone, but that doesn’t mean you stop doing anything.’
I’m about to repeat the fact that this new heart is only 70 per cent well, that I will always have to take far less risks than other people, or I could die, pulling down everyone else with me, when she starts up again.
‘This heart was supposed to give you a second shot at it all, Maggie. Hell, it was supposed to give you a first shot,’ she says, ‘and you’re doing nothing with it.’
It feels like I’m being punched in the stomach.
‘Nothing?’ I snap. ‘I’m out today, aren’t I?’
‘Barely! This was a picnic for a few hours, before you go back to Mum and Dad’s for some grilled chicken.’
Something hot rises in my belly now.
‘What exactly do you want me to be doing? Necking alcohol and climbing mountains? Do you even understand what the doctors say? I’ll have to be careful for the rest of my life if I don’t want something to go wrong.’
‘I’m not asking you to climb mountains, Maggie, far from it. But what about art school? What about fun and friends? What about love? Because I heard about Nick, by the way – I know you saw him earlier.’
I close my eyes briefly, the image stinging again. ‘Don’t talk to me about love, Jess. You will never understand what it was like for me after Cat.’
Immediately, I regret my words.
‘So, what you’re saying is hersisterwouldn’t understand?’ Jess says, her voice strangely quiet. ‘Because you guys were always closest, right?’
‘Jess,’ I say quickly, ‘I’m sorry; that’s not what I meant at all.’
