Page 66 of The Love of Our Lives
Everyone loses.
‘Sven,’ I say, putting one shaky hand on his shoulder. He looks up sharply, his eyes filled with tears.
And then, out of nowhere, he smiles.
‘They’re going to be OK,’ he says, grabbing my hands in both of his own. ‘They’re both going to be OK.’
A few minutes later and I’m ushered into the room with Charlie, as Sven speaks to Adam outside. Sven looks incredibly relieved but there’s a new strain on his face, which I’ve never seen before.
Charlie’s still lying in bed, looking just as out of place as the night before – her blond hair too bright for the room, her face devoid today of her usually spunky make-up.
‘Charlie,’ I say, walking towards her slowly, ‘are you all right?’
She takes in a breath, looks at me, but her eyes are suddenly blank. ‘What do you think?’
I’m a bit thrown by her tone but I also know she’s been through a lot in the past twelve hours.
‘Is there anything I can get you?’ I say. ‘Some water maybe?’
She shakes her head and I feel something uncomfortable rise up in me now.
‘I’m really sorry this happened . . .’ I start.
‘Yup, me too,’ she says, rubbing the bump in front of her.
A silence.
‘Was it a rock?’ I ask.
She shakes her head. ‘I really don’t want to talk about it, Emily. And I won’t be doing anything on the list anymore either, OK?’
‘OK,’ I say softly, thrown by her abrupt tone.
But at the same time, I know I deserve this. This is all my fault – if I hadn’t suggested the trip and kept everyone up so late, then none of this would have happened. If I hadn’t thrown caution to the wind, then we wouldn’t be in this position. Just like with Cat.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I say, swallow, ‘but the good news is, you’re both healthy, right?’
She shrugs. ‘Maybe, maybe not. Who knows, though, if there’s any lasting implications?’
‘But Sven said—’
‘Sven isn’t a doctor,’ Charlie snaps.
‘Charlie I—’
‘Just stop,’ she says now, holding her hand up, and she looks so very exhausted in this moment. So utterly spent and I feel awful.
‘I just need to be alone right now,’ she says, her voice cracking.
I’m about to saying something, anything to help, when Charlie turns to face the other wall. I don’t move, too upset about what’s happened – what I’ve caused – but after a moment, I realise there is nothing else to do but go.
Go home.
The journey back down to Edinburgh with Adam is much quieter than the way up, the shock of the accident still ricocheting through us. I don’t tell Adam exactly what was said with Charlie, but I think he knows it was fraught. ‘She just needs a bit of time to recover,’ he says gently at one point and even though I try to be reassured by his words, I can’t quite feel their truth.
When we finally get back to our building, I stand sadly on the pavement, just taking it all in.
Reaching the top of the stairs with our backpacks a few minutes later, I turn to go into my flat, when I feel him reach for my hand. I look back to see his eyes on mine, warm and searching.
