Page 68 of The Love of Our Lives
I feel a little bad when William comes calling, asking if I’m coming to dance classes, but I really don’t have much time left – I have to get this done for her. Anyway, I know he’s had his eye on a woman called Ruth who goes every week; even joked he might ask her out for a tea. So maybe this could be his opportunity to do something about it?
I struggle a little with the application, figuring out exactly what kind of story I’m looking to tell with my pictures; what I’m trying to say with all these images I’ve taken around the city. In the end, I just take the plunge and do it – finish the project and send it off. I know that at the end of the day, there’s no perfect way to do anything. You just have to take a shot.
I wish I could talk it over with Charlie but she’s made it abundantly clear she doesn’t want to see me right now, andanytime I’ve called the flat, Sven gently tells me she’s not up for company right now.
I can’t even talk to Adam about it, the person who actually put me in touch with Daphne in the first place, but I know it’s not appropriate now – not fair on him either. We haven’t spent any time together back in Edinburgh and, although it hurts, I know it’s still for the best. Sometimes I catch myself glancing across at his door when I’m back from a run or see him from my window heading off to the workshop and I feel something I don’t even want to think about. Can’t think about.
Because falling for him now, when I’ve realised who I need to see next, is even less of an option. And, just like with Cat and Fraser, I’m starting to think that what happened between Emily and Simon was a simple misunderstanding – something stupid which didn’t mean anything.
But unlike with Cat, I can actually tell Simon that. I can make it right again, if that’s what he wants too, which I’m assuming he does from the amount he’s been messaging. I worry about him a lot in all of this, of course – the devastation he’ll feel when Emily goes. But the truth is, I know from seeing Fraser after the funeral that he’d have given anything to have had those final days with Cat. And even though Simon is going to lose Emily at the end of all of this, I’m pretty sure he’d still want that final time with a special person like her – even if that time is short.
I’m just placing the last of my clothes in Emily’s fancy suitcase, zipping it up, when my phone starts ringing.
Fran.
‘Hello.’ I smile.
‘E! You all set?’
‘Just about; still deciding on how many ball gowns I need for this wedding weekend.’
She laughs, her genuine, warm one. ‘Don’t be silly, we only need your wonderful self . . . and on that note, are you bringing anyone? Adam perhaps?’
I sigh because we’ve been over this already. ‘You know we’re not together anymore.’
‘But why not?’ she says. ‘It was all going so well before.’
‘I’m just not sure if it’s the right thing for me.’
A pause. ‘Is this about Simon? I thought we talked about that – about him not deserving you.’
‘I know,’ I say eventually, ‘but I think it might have all been a misunderstanding. I just need to spend a little time with him while I’m down – see if we can fix it.’
A silence follows, and I can tell she really doesn’t approve, which irritates me slightly but then I guess she’s just looking out for me. There’s something else there too – a tingle in my chest, a sensation I can’t quite put my finger on.
‘Well, I guess you have to see him at the wedding anyway,’ Fran concedes eventually, and the tingle fades away. ‘When are you coming anyway?’
‘Today, actually; I’m getting the train down this morning.’
‘Oh, amazing,’ she says, ‘do you want to get drinks later? I can let Toby know—’
‘Not today,’ I say quickly, ‘I’ve got something else I need to do first but I’ll see you at the lunch tomorrow.’
‘All right,’ Fran says happily, ‘tomorrow then.’
It’s as I’m heading out the building to the train station a little later, that I run into William again, coming back in.
‘Oh, hello,’ I say breathlessly.
‘Hello yourself,’ William says. He eyes my suitcase. ‘Off already?’
I nod. I eventually told him I was going to London; asked him to look after Ferris while I was gone, and while he begrudgingly agreed, I can tell he secretly likes that cat.
‘Lovely,’ he says, ‘and will we see you back at classes when you return?’
‘Possibly,’ I say faintly, ‘But I don’t actually know when I’m coming back right now.’
William frowns, a slightly hurt expression on his face. He starts to walk by, when I say, ‘how’s it going with Ruth?’
