Page 34 of Sad Girl Hours
“Charming?”
“Uh-huh,” I say, dropping off the kerb so I can kick through the leaves gathered at the side of the road.
“Well … thank you. And you know I love the way you—”
Chapter Fifteen
Nell
My phone starts yelling at me, cutting Saffron off mid-compliment. A shame. My ego enjoys a good inflate as much as the next balloon.
“It’s my dads,” I say to Saffron. “I’d better answer so they can bestow birthday wishes upon me.”
She nods. “Of course.”
“Hello—”
This time it’s me that’s cut off. As soon as I answer the video call, my dads’ faces appear, singing in annoyingly perfect harmony.
“Haaaa…ppyBirthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday, Eleanora Paige Holloway, Happy Birthday to you!”
“Thank you!” I grin down at their own beaming faces, squeezed into the frame together, holding the phone beneath their chins in classic parent mode. “Very glad that I didn’t have to miss out on being serenaded this year. I’m nottoosad about missing out on the you guys bursting into my room at one minute past midnight part.”
“Well, we weren’t there for your birth, so we have to make up for that by witnessing you become another year older,” Dad says. “It’s a magical moment.”
“It feels significantly less magical when you’re very, very sleepy, but sure.”
“How’s your day been so far, my dear?” Pops asks.
“Well, I had a lecture first thing and … that’s about it so far. Saffron and I are walking back to mine now. We’re going to chill and do some autumn crafts, and then the others have arranged a not-so-surprise birthday party for us both.”
“It’s not-so-surprising,” Saffron chimes in, “because you sat everyone down and asked whether they had any plans for us or whether you should arrange a ‘shindig’ yourself. They had no choice but to tell you because otherwise you’d have started ordering ice sculptures and gone fishing in the canal to find some poor salmon to make mousse out of.”
“There are no salmon in the Lancaster Canal, Saffron,” I say in what I hope is a befittingly withering tone. “That would have been an entirely fruitless excursion.”
Saffron sticks her tongue out at me before turning towards the phone. “Hi, Mr and Mr Holloway, by the way!”
“Hello, darling. That does sound like our Nell.” Dad laughs. “Everything has to be dramatic, an elaborate affair.”
“No teasing, please. Your fortiethPhantom of the Opera-themed party was a smash hit. People still talk about it in the village. And NOT JUST because of the chandelier incident,” I add before they can.
“Good morning, lovely Saffron.” Pops chooses not to relive thePhantomparty again and directs his attention instead to her. “I understand it’s your special day as well today.”
I angle the phone back to just me as I say, “You sound like a wedding vendor who’s forgotten that lesbians exist and is perplexed by the concept of two women showing up to the appointment.”
Saffron’s lip twitches into a laugh.
“Excuse me,” Dad protests, “we’re very aware of the existence of lesbians.”
Pops nods firmly next to him. “There’s your first cousin once removed, Konstantina, back in Greece. She took me out to myvery first gay bar,” he says. “It was quite the evening, I can tell you.”
“Please don’t.”
“And your godmothers came to tea just the other night,” Dad continues. “Liza brought a murder-mystery game that the twins got far too into and then went outside to draw body outlines on the pavement in chalk, so we’re expecting a call from Mr Havers down the road any day now to ask who died outside the house. Cheryl brought her power drill and fixed the blinds in your room. And then there’s Sal and Peg, Ruwida and Toni. And, well…”
There’s a pregnant pause while my dad just looks at me, as if waiting for me to fill in the gap. I realise they’re giving me a chance, once again, to come out to them as one of the plethora of lesbians of their acquaintance.
Embers of annoyance spark ruby red in my chest. I leave the pause hanging for a moment before replying. “I’m so sorry to imply that you don’t have a Rolodex positively busting with sapphics. My mistake.”
