Page 50 of Sad Girl Hours
I walk up to them and then realise that I have no plan. In some ways, I’ve made this worse for myself. I have nowhere to go besides back to the group, and they’re definitely going to have questions now.
I feel the swell of anxiety swirling and growing in me like a sinkhole, while I just stand, staring at the doors.
“Saffron?” I don’t have to turn round to know who it is. Part of me wants to scream that she needs to get away from me; the other half wants to turn round and fall into her.
I know neither of those is a real option. Instead, I just say – still facing the wall, “We like following each other out of social events, don’t we?”
“Seems like it,” Nell says. “Are you OK?” Her voice is soft in its question.
I want to pull it over me like a quilt and pretend that nothing else exists. “I’m fine.”
Nell steps forward to stand next to me. She puts her hand on my arm. “Saff.”
I turn to her, my eyes gleaming and wild, words still frozen somewhere between my brain and my lips.
Nell’s face crumples into concern. “What do you need?” she asks, focused only on me.
“I…” I’m not meant toneedanything from people. But here I am, staring at her with tears brimming. I want to let her in but I also need her around. I can’t have both.
“I need to get out,” I hear myself say.
Chapter Twenty-two
Saffron
Nell nods, glancing round the room. None of the staff are facing our way; they’re preoccupied trying to confiscate a bottle of vodka from a boy in the corner. “This way,” she says, grabbing my hand and leading me – us – through one of the doors.
“We’re not meant to be in here,” I say, looking down at our joined hands (and we’re not meant to be this close) as we walk down a much more modern-looking corridor.
“No,” Nell says. “But we were just looking for a toilet and got a bit lost. They can’t punish us for that.”
“The toilets were immediately off the hall. They told us that at the beginning along with the fire regs.”
Nell stops and turns to face me. “Listen to me. You needed to get out. We’re out. If you think I’m not willing to do slightly-against-the-rules things to get you what you need, then you’re mistaken.”
I need you to stop being so perfect.
A clanging sound from further down the corridor makes us both jump.
“Erm…” Nell whips round, velvet jacket swooping round with her, raven bobbing on her shoulder. “In here.”
She tries a door but no luck – it’s locked. She storms away a little more and finds one that’s been propped open. “Aha! OK, inhere.”
I stay standing there.
Footsteps echo round the corridor.
“Saffron,” Nell urges. “Quick.”
I step inside, pulling the door shut behind me just as the shadowy outline of a staff member turns the corner and blurs past the glass. Looking around, I realise we’re in some kind of storage room – filing cabinets line one wall, shelves with stationery and cleaning supplies are on the other, a small desk in between.
“This is cosy.” Nell strolls around, poking various items on the shelves.
“Very.”
Nell seems to focus at the sound of my voice, directing all her attention back to me. “So, what’s up? What can I do to help?”
“Nothing.”
