Page 53 of Sad Girl Hours
I don’t know whether I’m imagining it or not, but the silence that follows feels pointed.
I hope Nell’s not equating whatever I’m feeling to anything like her – clearly worse – history. But I can’t be as open with her as she’s just been with me and clarify things. She’s on the other side of it. My feelings, while not as acute as hers, are very much ongoing. I can’t burden her with something I’m still in the middle of.
When nothing else fills the silence, Nell decides to try again. “Are you tired?”
“Of what?”
She smiles sleepily and I realise it was a simpler question than I first thought. “Just physically. It’s pretty late. My heart’s going crazy.” She leans further back into the blue-roll wall, slumping down a little.
I shift down further too so I’m not so far above her. “Is it?”
Nell nods. “Here, feel.” She takes my hand and places it over her chest. My hand lingers there lightly, too scared to press down. Nell rolls her eyes. “You’re not going to feel anything like that. Here.” She places her hand over mine and presses it into her. It is racing fast. Really fast. My own heart seems to use this knowledge to instigate a race, my hand still resting on her shirt.
“See?” Nell says, removing her hand.
Mine flies back to my lap. I stretch my fingers out, trying to rid them of whatever they’re feeling. I gulp. “Yes. Very fast. Are you OK?”
“Yeah, it’ll simmer down soon, I’m sure. It’s probably just because I’m tired.”
“You should rest. I’ll let you know if I hear anyone.”
“You should sleep too,” Nell says. “Here.” She flails around a bit, taking off her velvet jacket and tossing it over our legs.
I shuffle closer so I’m under it properly.
“And if it gets chillier, at least we can wrap ourselves in some of this.” She nods towards the blue roll. “Might be a bit hard to explain why we mummified ourselves to whoever comes to rescue us, but I’m willing to risk it.”
I crack a smile. “Hopefully it won’t come to that.”
“Hopefully. It’s a good job our friends will definitely raise the alarm if we’re not back soon. I’d hate to have to resort to cannibalism in the morning when I start to get peckish.”
“It would only taketwelve hoursfor you to resort to cannibalism?”
“Listen, if I don’t get my breakfast, I’m cranky all day. You don’t want to see that,” Nell bats back.
“Well, luckily, I wouldn’t have to, given that you’d have EATEN ME.”
“Hmm, very true. Silver linings and all that.” She snuggles down further, leaning her head on my arm. “Sleepy.”
“Go to sleep then,” I say. “And, hopefully, when you wake up, we’ll have been rescued by someone and I’ll get to live another day.”
“That’d be nice,” Nell says with a touch of delirium, eyes closed.
I think it would be too, if it could always be like this – just the two of us, released from the pressure of everything else.
Chapter Twenty-three
Nell
“Hmnnnghh?” is the very demure sound I make as I bolt upright in the morning when the door opens, and a baffled-looking gentleman stares down at me and Saffron curled up on the storage-room floor.
“Um…” Saffron starts, and something in my brain clicks into place, sending me into action mode.
“Hello, sir.” I stand up and stretch out my hand.
He takes it, very unwillingly, and lets me give it a shake.
“You’re probably wondering what we’re doing here.”
