Page 68 of Sad Girl Hours
“Vamos,” Vivvie says. “Let’s just go in. I bet they’ve got distracted with a dance party again when they were getting ready.”
We head in, the door unlocked. I follow Vivvie up the stairs, Casper right behind me. The music seems to be coming from Nell’s room – her ‘Very Merry Christmas’ playlist that she’s had on since the first of December.
There are voices from Jenna’s room at the other end of the corridor, however. I gesture to the others that they’re there. I’m about to push the door open when I hear something that makes my hand falter in the air.
“You know, upon reflection, I really should have known that you were asexual,” Nell’s saying. “Remember when we went to that pub called the Horn of Plenty and you said we should callyouthe horn of plenty because you were sure feeling plenty of—”
Jenna laughs. “Yeah, OK. That wasn’t very convincingly allosexual of me, I will admit.”
Vivvie’s head snaps straight to Casper.
Curiously, Casper’s face is uncharacteristically calm, betraying no feelings about this revelation.
“We should go back downstairs,” I whisper. “Maybe we can pretend we didn’t—”
“Too late,” Vivvie says grimly as the door swings open. Jenna’s in the doorway, Nell right behind her, looking beautiful in a brown tartan dress and corduroy jacket, her hair curled underneath a baker boy hat, her black ‘stompin’ boots’ on her feet.
“Hello … everybody.” Jenna blinks at us. “How much of that did you hear?”
“Pretty much all of it,” Vivvie contributes.
“All of it?” I detect a note of panic in Nell’s voice.
“Well, that Jenna’s asexual,” Vivvie says, arching her eyebrows. “Why, was there anything else?”
Nell draws back, looking reticent. “Nope, that – that about covers it.”
“Well, all right then.” Jenna leans against the door frame, looking remarkably chill about just having accidentally outed herself to us. “You may each ask one question about this, and then we should leave for town.”
“One question?” Vivvie says.
“One question. Make it count.”
“So you and Casper aren’t fucking?”
Jenna pulls a face as Casper looks down at the floor. “Jesus, Viv. No. Never have.”
“Hmph.” Vivvie takes this in. “Interesting.”
“Saffron?” Jenna turns to me. “Your turn.”
“Oh. Right. Well.” I have a think. “I don’t really have any questions about the actual asexuality – congrats and also sorry, by the way. We really didn’t mean to—”
She cuts me off with a wave of her hand. “It’s fine. Honestly. I’ve been ready to talk about it for a while.”
“OK.” That’s a relief. I was readying myself to feel crushingly guilty. “Good to know. I guess my question is why do you two always leave things together then? With excuses like—”
“Why is it so hard to believe that a person can get a desperate urge to do a puzzle at two thirty in the morning when it’ssoeasy to believe they had a desperate urge to shag Casp?”
“You know, that’s a valid point,” Viviana notes.
My stomach twists. Have I offended Jenna?
Like she can see me think this, however, Jenna carries on. “I’m kidding. Mostly. And the answer is that while most people are in other people’s DMs, I’m just in theDSM.I have anxiety,” she explains. “And, when I get overwhelmed, Casper’s always really great and helps me escape somewhere calmer, so it doesn’t reach panic-attack stage.”
She turns to Casper, reaching out to him with her smile. He gladly returns it, looking so soft the edges of his person blur as he gazes into her eyes.
I feel guilt start to warp my insides again, though. “I’m sorry again. I didn’t mean to—”
