Page 77 of Sad Girl Hours
Which, again, I’m glad to do. But there is the small matter of how on earth do I keep my cool for that long with no one else around to act as a buffer?
I know how I feel now but I don’t wantherto know it. If she finds out, she might feel uncomfortable staying with me. Then I’d have unintentionally forced her back to her parents and made her feel guilty about leaving early and seeming ungrateful, or whatever other nonsense her mean brain would convince her of. Or, even if (a wonderfulif) she did feel the same way, I still don’t know if she’d be ready to do anything about it, and then it still might be awkward and weird.
I don’t want to pressure her in any way. Even if Jenna is right, I think it’s important that this be on Saffron’s terms.
When we finally got off the Ferris wheel (when the operator came to open our door again, he was clearly feeling a bit sassy – asking us whether we were getting off now or if we’d decided to claim squatter’s rights), we went and joined the others. Casper narrated the incident that had led to him now having a giant splat of gravy on his jumper. Vivvie told us all about the ice-skating outfit she was planning to make (even though ‘spandex is a bloodynightmareto sew with’) so that she’s ready next year to properly show off on the rink, but Jenna was quiet.
She stayed quiet for the most part, as did I, on our walk back to the house. Then she went straight to her room with only a cursory goodnight.
I wonder whether Casper had asked Jenna his question and whether that was the cause of her turn towards the taciturn. Whatever he said, though, I’m sure he loves her. I wish Jenna wasn’t so scared of getting her heart broken that she refuses to open it up to the possibility that it might not be.
When I wake up the next day, Jenna’s found her words. I’m still sleepy, on account of it being 7 a.m. (I am, in my purest form, a sleepy little hedgehog), when she wakes me by bouncing down on the foot of my bed.
“Have you seen this?” she says, waving her phone at me.
I crinkle my eyes against the harsh light of the screen. “Jenna, my love, I’ve not seen anything yet today. And I’d rather like to keep it that way for quite some time – mornings are for sleepytime, not forseeing things.”
“Just read it, bitch.”
“Ugh. I’ve been awake ten seconds and I’ve already been verbally assaulted. What a day.”
“Just—”
“READING IT.Jesus.”
I take the phone off her and see that it’s open to our group chat, where Saffron left a string of messages at half past two last night.
I pause reading to smile at that. I’m so proud of her.
Vivvie’s already replied:
And Casper:
And then Vivvie again:
Saffron:
Vivvie:
Casper:
(Two minutes later.)
I give Jenna back her phone, laughing as I do so. “That was the last message he sent. Do we think Vivvie really killed him this time?”
“Never mind about Casper – he’ll live. Hopefully,” Jenna adds. “What about the Saffron stuff? Did she tell you about her SAD while you were on the wheel for a million hours? And is she seriously coming to stay with you for the holidays? You guys are having Christmas together?”
“Yes and yep,” I say simply. “I’m glad she told you guys too. That feels like a really good sign.”
“Also a good sign? Agreeing to spend Christmas with you. You guys are going to haveweekstogether. Who knows what could happen?” Jenna waggles her eyebrows at me. And then her tongue.
“Stop that. And yes, I’m excited. And scared.”
She stops with all the waggling. “Why scared?”
“Um…” How do I say this? “Because now I feel like there are no barriers up between us, and it’s also resulted in there being no … barriers around my feelings too.”
“Ohhhh.I see. You want to bone her.”
