Page 9 of Sad Girl Hours
“Claro. I believe it’s from the Viviana Castillo fall collection.”
“It’s pretty,” Nell says, scanning my ensemble. “The vibes, as always, Saff, are impeccable.”
“Thank you. So few people comment on the impeccableness of my vibes. Your vibes are also wonderful, Eleanora. As per usual.”
“Why, thank you.”
She shuffles into a pose, lounging on my bed like a Regency lady reclining on a chaise longue after receiving a letter about someone committing a scandalous act. She’s wearing a white shirt, caramel-brown corset waistcoat over the top and soft-looking belted brown trousers. She looks like she should be wandering round the countryside with a cloak and a quill. I relay this information to her and Nell smiles. “It’s so nice that you always see me in my truest form, with my true essence.”
I smile back at her as she stays posed, looking very comfortable in my new room already.
Vivvie coughs. “Apologies to ruin the essence appreciation but I really need to stop my parents seeing my underwear.”
“Go.” I usher her away with my hands. “Stop the rifling.”
Casper narrows his eyes, looking shifty. “Did your parents perhaps bring any of those delicious pastelitos with them?”
“Pastelitosandan entire giant flan.”
“Excuse me, ladies.” Casper practically lunges for the door. “I have sudden important business to attend to in the, erm, kitchen vicinity.”
Jenna sighs a world-weary sigh and follows Vivvie and Casper downstairs. “I’ll go stop him wolfing them all down before any of us other flan fans get a look-in.”
“Good luck!” Nell calls after them, shaking her head before turning back to me. “So. How was your summer?”
“Oh, it was … good,” I say. “Lovely.” I sense a follow-up question so I cut it off by turning things back to her. “How was yours?”
“It was nice, pretty chill. I spent most of it languishing down by the creek with my books, bemoaning the weather.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. We had great weather down south.”
“Oh no, it was sunny up here too. I just abhor the heat. I’m not built for it. Both chronic-illness wise and spiritually. I’m built for hearty meals and stomping through leaves and snuggling by the fire.”
“I respect your commitment to your personal brand, and that does all sound nice,” I allow. “But it’s not really my thing. I’d take the heat over the cold and grey any day.” It feels simplistic to reduce my feelings down to the weather like this, but I daren’t get any deeper.
None of my friends know about the way I feel sometimes. I want to be happy and kind and someone they enjoy being around. They don’t even know the real reason I vanished at the beginning of the year for two months.
After New Year, I spiralled. Big time. I felt more desperately, achingly low than I maybe ever had before. I couldn’t focus at uni, even though I love my courseso much. My absolute dream is to become an astrophysicist and be part of a team uncovering the secrets of the universe, and my course is the perfect one to help me get there – that’s why I chose to study up here in Lancaster.
That and the fact that it was far,faraway from home. I think part of me hoped that the further away I got from my hometown, the more distance I’d put between myself and the way I felt before. But, of course, all the same feelings hitchhiked right back up here to me along with the lengthening nights.
“Cannot relate,” Nell says.
“Well, you are autumn in human form, so I think legally you have to say that.”
“I did sign a contract, yes.”
I laugh as I think,It’s so easy with Nell.With all of them. It’s never been this easy before. That’s why I’ve not told them about my depression, and why I try my best to keep that side of things hidden from them.
I can’t risk ruining whatever kind of magic it is that brought them into my life, and losing it all.
“We should discuss our joint birthday plans soon,” I say.
“Ah, yes, the Libra ladies’ big birthday bash. Definitely.”
We discovered that we have the same birthday (October 14th) last term, and Nell immediately insisted that we have a joint celebration. I’ve never done much for my birthday before, but she was so excited that of course I agreed. There aren’t many things I wouldn’t agree to to make Nell happy. To make anyone happy really.
“I think I’m just going to unpack now, maybe put up my decorations, make it feel like home. You can go hang with Casp and Jenna if you want,” I offer, beginning to remove things from my decorations box.
