Page 39 of Rescue
Chapter 19
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Penelope
When I get back upstairs after sending Miles out for some lunch, I head to my closet to finish packing and realize there’s not as much to do in there as I thought. I grab some old duffel bags and proceed to fill them with everything that’s left. Once I’m done, I only have a few bags that need to go into the back seat of my car. It’s empty except for some bathroom products that I didn’t want to throw away so that should be fine. I’m glad we brought Miles’ truck to put the big stuff in it, I never would have been able to fit the furniture in my small car. I’m thankful that my load is lighter than I anticipated as I lug what’s left out into the foyer, ready to take down when it’s time.
I walk back through the apartment one last time to make sure I have everything. Memories of my time with Spencer flash before my eyes. The overarching feeling in each of the memories is loneliness. Even when he was here, which he so rarely was, he was never really here. I was just an ornament for his arm, not someone he cared enough to share his life with.
I decided when I got here that I would leave all the expensive gifts Spencer got me. I don’t want him to try and say that I was just with him for the stuff he could give me. I already laid out the MacBook Pro and iPad on the bed. The jewelry he got me is all in the safe that we shared, so that’s taken care of as well. I’m thankful that I insisted on buying my white BMW when I graduated culinary school. He wanted to get it for me as a graduation present, but I insisted on buying it myself. A gift to myself for taking another step towards my dreams. I have never regretted it, least of all now.
Life with Spencer was a struggle, always trying to be perfect and never quite getting there. It’s hard to feel like you can’t please your partner, even as they're trying to cram their plans for your future down your throat.
Miles couldn’t be more different. I blush as I think back on our moment of passion in the parking garage. I’ve never done anything so . . . risky. Anyone could have come in and seen us. It’s never been something I thought I would like, but it was surprisingly erotic. I’m not saying I want to switch to strictly outdoor experiences, but that was hot.
I find myself back in the main bedroom when I hear the front door open. That was quick, I think to myself as I head out to the living room to meet Miles. When I walk into the room, I’m startled to see Spencer standing over my bags. He looks up as I emerge from the hall and a panicked look comes across his face.
“Don’t leave, P. Stay and let’s make this work. We were so good together.”
“Spencer, I can’t. Our relationship hasn’t been working for a long time. We’re just too different.”
“Don’t say that. That’s what made us so good together before. You remember how it was when we first got together?” He’s speaking to me like I’m a wounded animal that might run at any time.
I sigh. “Spencer, at some point, your career became more important than our relationship. And I let it happen. But I’m never going to be the cookie cutter, stay at home mom that you want in a wife. It’s just not going to work.”
“You can keep your job!” he says trying to be generous in a last-ditch effort. “I always loved all those delicious treats you made.” He gives me a half smile. I don’t really want to argue with him, but he never ate anything I made. He always said he had to watch his weight. Ugh. What did I ever see in him?
He’s standing right in front of me now, and he reaches out to grab my hands. I instantly want to recoil, but I don’t want to seem rude or callous to someone who I once cared a great deal for. “Spencer, look-” I start, but before I can finish, he interrupts me.
“How can you deny what we have between us? Can't you feel this?” He drops one of my hands to gesture between us. I reach up and push against his chest, trying to make some room between us.
“I don’t-” he cuts me off again, pulling me closer with the hand that’s still in his and crushing his mouth to mine. I frown and start to pull my head back, but he reaches up with both hands and holds my head to his, pushing his lips against mine so hard I’m sure he’s going to leave a bruise.
I hear a knock just as I’m struggling to break away from Spencer. The door opens and I hear a bag fall to the floor. The interruption creates enough of a distraction that I can finally push Spencer off my face, but by the time I’m able to see around him, all that’s there is a bag of food from my favorite sandwich place. “Miles, wait!” I yell out and bolt for the door that’s still hanging open.
As I step into the hallway, I hear a faint ding announcing the elevator. By the time I make it around the corner he’s gone. I stand there for a minute processing, trying to figure out what I should do next.
I know what he walked in on, but does he really think that I’m going to get back together with my ex right after we just had sex? Does he really think so little of me?
My head is a mess as I slowly walk back to the apartment. No matter what happens with Miles and me, I know I need to get the rest of my things and close this chapter with Spencer. I’m not going to be able to beat him to his truck downstairs, so I know I just need to get this over with. Once I’m done here, I can go after Miles.
When I walk in, Spencer is standing at the window, staring out into a choppy ocean. Where it was bright and sunny earlier, it’s now overcast and looks like the wind has picked up. I really need to get going. “Look Spencer, I’m sorry things have to end this way, but this isn’t my life. I’m a small-town girl who wants to own my own bakery and live a quiet life without all the glitz and glam. I’m just not a city girl, and I’ll never be a lawyer’s wife. I’m sorry that I let you believe I could be.”
He lets out a long weight-of-the-world-on-his-shoulders sigh and turns to look at me. “I know you’re right, I just thought if I forced it, everything would fall into place like it always has.”
“That’s not fair, to you or me.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” He turns to look back out at the churning sea. I grab the bags that I left by the door, thankful that there’s only a couple since I’m doing this alone.
“I wish you all the best, Spencer.”
“Thanks, you too,” he says with resignation, not even bothering to turn around.
It’s a struggle wrangling the bags down the hall, into the elevator, and then all the way to my car by myself.Thanks for the help, SpenceI think snarkily to myself before heaving the bags into the back seat of my car.
Once the car is loaded, I try to call Miles, hoping he picks up. Surely he’s level headed enough to know that there must be some mistake. It rings a few times and then goes to voicemail.
Hey, Miles, it’s me, P. I just wanted to see where you were. I didn’t know Spencer was going to be coming home, but I hope you know what you saw was a mistake. He tried to kiss me, yes, but I pushed him away. I don’t want him, I want you. I’m sorry if I haven’t been more clear. I’ll call you when I get back to town so we can talk.
