Page 29 of Single Mom for the Mountain Men
I shouldn’t be so attached to all of them, shouldn’t have let them in, but I just couldn’t help it. I blush as I think of what happened between Brody and I the night before. I probably also should have said no to that, but I wasn’t sorry that I didn’t. They each brought something special to our little mountain family, and being intimate with Brody had felt as natural as breathing.
I should probably feel bad about being with all of them, but I just don’t. I haven’t gotten to enjoy much of anything in my life when it comes to men or dating, for that matter, and I’m having fun sharing my life with all of them now. I suppose at some point, it will all come out into the open and we will have to sort things out, but for now, I’m giving in to the urge to be selfish.
I bite my lip as I think about what it would mean if they didn’t want to share me, though. I might actually have to bring things up with them, but how?
“Why don’t you two have your breakfast first, then argue about who Barbie should date?” I propose, tossing two slices of toast on their plates, trying to clear my mind of the difficult thoughts weighing it down.
“It’s not an argument, Mom.” Sophie looks close to rolling her eyes. “Tanner said that Ken is dumb and shouldn’t be with Barbie. So, now, he won’t be.”
“Makes sense.” I nod seriously, biting back my smile when I see Tanner eye me, betrayal clear in his gaze.
“I didn’t saythat!” he insists.
I take a seat in front of the two and start nibbling away at my toast.
The interaction between the two is full of banter, but there is a degree of trust Sophie places in Tanner, along with the other two men, that she has never shown for any adult man before. She lets them tuck her into bed, lets them read her stories, and loves to hang out with them, even without me being there.
She lets herself be vulnerable with them as she shares her fantastical tales, pulling on their fingers when she wants them to pay her more attention.
It’s the exact same behavior she showed with her father before everything became so terrible.
This thought has popped up in my head a lot in the recent few days, and I dismiss it each time, not ready or willing to deal with the implications it brings. I can’t have her getting that attached to these men. The most important man in her life has already disappointed her immensely, and that’s not a risk I’m willing to take again when it comes to my daughter.
Sophie has unlimited access to the boys, and the fact that they love spending time with her makes it hard to argue with her getting attached to them. It breaks my heart a little that her own father isn’t as good a person as the three mountain men who share the property with us. I don’t know how to explain to her that some adults are just not good people.
As I watch Tanner laugh with Sophie, his fingers digging under her armpits to make her squeal even more, I wonder if I’m too late to fight the growing bond between all of us.
Do I even really want to fight it?
If Sophie has started seeing a dependable figure in any or all of the men, where does that leave me? What should I feel for them?
There’s Tanner, with his boisterous laugh and silly jokes, Aiden with his reassuring smiles and sturdy hands, and Brody with his rough demeanor but attentive nature. All three of them care for me, each in their own undeniable way.
Yet, still, this bone-deep feeling of insecurity and fear follows me. I have become dependent on them to an extent I never thought possible. Tanner brings us each week’s worth of food every Sunday, Aiden has repaired nearly every faulty thing in the cabin, and Brody has set up extra precautionary security measures all around the vicinity of my cabin.
Their care is welcome, each act and word of concern only fueling the feelings I have for them. Yet, at the same time, I know I am not ready for something serious. I need to heal from my past traumas first before I can commit to being with anyone.
But the way my heart pumps in my chest when they’re around, and the easy way I trust them with my life, it makes me think to myself,Is it true that you aren’t ready for a relationship, or areyou just lying to yourself, Lena? I don’t know how long I can put off these thoughts.
“Sophie, here, catch!”
Sometime after breakfast and before lunch, Brody and Sophie had decided to play with a ball. Now, they’re out in the yard, where they’re tossing it back and forth. She often misses catching it, to his amusement.
Exertion has colored her cheeks pink, little huffs of breath leaving her, her chest heaving as she sweats under the sun.
“You’re doing it too fast!” she complains as she misses again, throwing a classic Sophie tantrum, as I like to call it. “You’re a cheater!”
“I am not a cheater!” Brody squawks, all the rough masculinity he holds softening around the edges as he speaks to her. His calloused hands, the rough rumble in his voice, the towering height—all these qualities become way less intimidating when he deals with Sophie. “And I ambarelyputting any power into my tosses, Soph.”
“So, you think I’m weak?” she challenges him, holding the ball between her hands as she raises a brow. The action is so like me, it’s almost as if I’m looking into a mirror.
“You can catch the ball,” he assures her. “Stop being silly, and just focus on it as I throw it.”
“Fine,” she says around a giant sigh, resigned to the fact that she has to put more effort in. “But I want more lollipops this week.”
“She’s been having lollipops?” I scoff in disbelief, eyeing the burly man and the little girl standing a few feet away from me. Brody stands up straight, looking stricken and guilty. Those big shoulders of his curve in slightly, like he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t be. The sight is more endearing than it should be, but I settle for a little smile at them both.
“My fault, Lena.” Tanner comes out at that exact moment, tossing Brody a bottle of water. “I’ve been spoiling her just as much as Aiden or Brody. They aren’t solely to blame for her sugar addiction.”
