Page 114 of The Rest is History
‘Tell me how I’m supposed to bear this,’ I moan. I don’t love the side of myself Charlie’s actions have brought out in me—in fact, I utterly despise it—but I can’t seem to pull myself together. School has been hideous this week, but Hampton Court is our special place, and when he’s Henry and I’m Anne, we’ve been able to surrender to the crazy chemistry between us.
Hampton Court is where I fell in love. And, like the man who’s been stalking the courtyards and corridors in all his finery, it will always have my heart. It was the setting for our too-brief fairytale, after all.
I’ve been talking about myself to Lauren, Shelby, Bex and Cass pretty much all day, but dammit if they aren’t excellent listeners. They’ve pressed me for every detail, asked smart questions, given even smarter advice, and been gratifyingly angry and frustrated on my behalf. Their ‘human shield’ has made today bearable.
We’re now across the road in The Mitre, where Tess has joined us and is sloshing white wine into glasses.
‘If it’s any consolation,’ she says, ‘he seems to be as miserable as you. Not that he gave me any useful indication of what the hell’s going on in that pea-brain of his, but he was like a bear with a sore head all day. That man is in serious agony.’
I sigh and accept a glass of wine. She’s definitely given me the fullest glass. She’s such a sweetheart. They all are. I’m so lucky to have found this fiery and fabulous group of women who have my back.
‘I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse,’ I say. ‘Obviously, it would kill me if I thought he was over us in undera week, but if he’s unhappy, then why is he being such a martyr? Ugh! It’s such a waste.’
‘It definitely makes it better,’ Shelby tells me, ‘because firstly, we all want him to suffer as much as humanly possible, and secondly, it means there’s hope.’
‘Oh, no, no.’ I shake my head and stare into my wineglass. ‘Hope is not good. Hope is very, very bad. Believe me, that guy meant business when he finished with me, and he has no intention of going back on his word. So by far the best thing for my heart, and for my sanity, is to accept that and move on.’
‘You’re so right.’ Cassie nods sagely. ‘I read somewhere that all suffering is caused by resisting what is. If we just accept what is, we save ourselves a lot of pain and wasted energy. You should put your energy into moving forward and coming up with a fabulous life plan.’
Everyone else stares at her in astonishment.
‘Wise words from the young ‘un,’ Lauren says, winking.
‘Wise words indeed.’ I take a large slug of my wine. ‘Thanks, Yoda.’
She shrugs, looking pleased. ‘Anytime.’
‘I just never knew he was such a dick,’ Shelby muses. ‘I mean, don’t get me wrong. We all know he could be obnoxious and cranky as fuck—until he started boning you, that was.’
‘Helpful,’ I say drily. ‘Thanks, Shel.’
‘Sorry, babes. But there’s a difference between being a grumpy fucker and being a nasty bastard. And I didn’t think Charlie was that.’
‘He’s not,’ I say firmly. ‘No matter how unhappy I am with his decision, and no matter how totally baffled I am by whatever the fuck is going on inside his head, he’s not a bastard. He’s a guy who feels things deeply, and doesn’t let much of it out, and who clearly has a strong moral code. It’s obvious he thinks he’s doing the right thing. He seems to think he’s saving me from himself.’
‘Well, that’s sad,’ Rebekah says. ‘Why would he think you need saving from him?’
‘He seems dead set on not wanting a wife or a family in future.’ I toy with the stem of my glass. ‘And I have to admit, he said that the very first night we were together. And I thought I could change his mind, and obviously I was wrong. More fool me.’
‘When someone shows you who they really are, believe them,’ Cassie says, and we all stare again.
‘Okay. Who are you, and what have you done with our Cass?’ Lauren asks.
Cassie shrugs. ‘I dunno, we’ve just been having a lot of, like, existential chats at uni recently.’
‘Is there pot involved in those chats?’ Rebekah asks.
‘Yep. A lot of pot.’
‘Maybe I need to go along to one of your chats,’ I deadpan, and the others laugh.
‘Cassie’s right,’ I continue. ‘He told me outright, and I thought I knew better. Thought I could turn his head with my feminine wiles, and I couldn’t.’
‘Maybe you’re just not as good at blowjobs as you thought you were,’ Shelby says, giving me a wink.
I smirk at her. ‘Believe me, there werenoproblems in that department.’
Tess grimaces. ‘Moving on. We know he’s a good guy. He’s clearly got issues that he’s chosen not to enlighten you on, Elodie. And as Cass wisely puts it, your best bet for your own sake is to respect what he’s told you and move on.’
