Page 117 of The Rest is History
‘Bullshit.’ Stacey slaps her palm on the table, and I jump. ‘Charlie is too wrapped up in his own misery and insecurity to be a remotely good judge of what he deserves in life. Em tells me he hasn’t told you why he doesn’t think he has a future with you.’
I narrow my eyes. ‘That is correct.’
‘Tell her, Em.’
‘No, you tell her. You’re the one who was there for the whole thing.’
My eyes jump between them both as I scramble to work out what the hell is going on.
‘Okay,’ Stacey says. ‘I’ll give it to you straight. Charlie’s crazy about you. It doesn’t take a genius to see that. But he can’t have kids.’
Oh my God. Oh myGod.I gasp.
‘Charlie’s infertile?’
‘Yeah. Totally infertile. He and his ex went through, like, so many rounds of tests. They tried to get pregnant for a year or two, and eventually they did the tests, and it was him. They were told there was zero hope of him getting her pregnant, and she went fucking nuclear. Told him he was pathetic, that he wasn’t a real man?—’
My eyes widen in horror. ‘She saidwhat?’
‘I know, right? I think she’d convinced herself the problem lay at her end, and when they found out the problem was Charlie, it was like she projected all that grief onto him. They’d been together since college, so she accused him of wasting years and years of her life, and she left him, like, pretty much immediately. Told him she couldn’t lose anymore time trying to find a guy who could give her what she wanted.’
I clamp my hands over my mouth, my eyes filling with tears.Charlie. My poor, gorgeous man. What must it feel like to have the person you love put all of their unhappiness onto you?
Unbearable.
That’s how it must feel.
‘Why didn’t he tell me any of this?’ I ask no one in particular. ‘He told me he didn’t want a family. That he didn’t want to get married again.’
Stacey cocks her head. ‘Are you sure, sweetie? Because I’d guess he’d have said he didn’t see himself having a family. I can’t ever imagine he’d say he didn’t want one. He’d seriously love to have kids, but he’s had to live with the guilt of letting Adeline down for years, even if she was a total fucking witch about the whole thing, if you ask me.’
‘You’re right,’ I say in wonder. ‘That’s what he said. He didn’tsee himselfwith a family in his future. Oh my God. Do you think that’s why he broke up with me?’
They glance at each other again.
‘Weknowthat’s why he broke up with you,’ Emmy says softly. ‘Jack and I went round there and confronted him, that day after I saw you at school and you told me he’d finished things with you. We called him out on it, and he admitted it.’
‘But why not tell me? That’s what I don’t understand.’
‘Because he didn’t want you to have to sacrifice anything,’ Stacey says. ‘He was worried you’d choose him, and he saw that as you having to give up everything you’ve ever wanted. I think seeing you with Aurelia that day sent him over the edge. You’d make such a great mom, and he wants you to have everything.’
‘But I don’t get Charlie in that scenario,’ I practically shout. ‘He’s the only thing I actually care about—he’s all I want. What a stupid fucking idiot—why can’t he see that?’
They grin at each other. Emmy has tears in her eyes when she looks back at me.
‘Then you’d better get the hell over there and tell him that.’
CHAPTER 42
Charlie
Three more weeks of term to go.
Then I’m out of there. I can walk away from Hampton Park knowing Elodie has her dream job to return to in September.
I can do this.
I just need her to quit as Anne Boleyn too. Then I’ll be free of her. Not as free as if I’d left her to find herself a new job, hopefully far from here. By securing her a job at the school, I’ve significantly increased my chances of running into her in the neighbourhood, but at least I’ve assuaged my conscience.
