Page 73 of The Rest is History
That’s the thing.
The more he opens himself up to me, the faster I fall. The harder I fall.
‘Charlie—’
‘You don’t have to say anything. I want to explain.’ He brushes my hair off my face and leaves his hand where it is, cupping my jaw. I feel so outrageously safe with him like this. It’s staggering that a guy I’ve had next to zero relationship with for most of the time I’ve known him can break down my defences so quickly.
‘Okay.’
He breathes out hard, his nostrils flaring.
‘I’m not a guy to joke around and flirt; you’ve probably worked that out.’
I smirk.
‘But I had a plan to keep myself away from you, Elodie. It was the only way I could protect myself.’
‘Because we’re colleagues? I’m sure Phil would be okay with it if we came clean. Other staff members are in relationships, aren’t they?’
‘No, not because we’re colleagues. Because’—he hesitates, and I get the sense he’s choosing his words carefully—‘no matterhow I feel about you, I can’t make you happy, and we don’t have a future.’
To my horror, instant tears prick my eyes. It’s such a shitty thing to say to me when I’m lying here, minutes after I let him inside my body. What is wrong with this guy? I’m not asking him to marry me. He’s the one who’s just admitted some pretty strong feelings, so for him to go all unilateral andwe have no futureon me is just—grrr! It’s infuriating. And totally obnoxious.
‘It’s nice to know you’ve already made that decision for both of us,’ I say. My throat is thick with emotion, and I can hear it in my voice.
‘No.’ His hand moves around my neck again, and he screws his eyes shut for a second. ‘That’s not what I’m saying. I am fucking crazy about you. I never intended for any of this to happen, but I can’t stay away from you, and I know it’s a cliche, but you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Ever. That said, I’ve been married once, and I don’t intend to do it again. A family is not in my future. And the reason I’ve tried to stay the hell away from you is that you make me want things I have no business wanting.’
I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do with this information. He’s lying here, admitting things about his feelings while being pig-headed about where our options lie. It’s infuriating, and more than that, it’s making my head spin.
‘You seem to have a very clear plan,’ I tell him frostily.
‘Listen to me.’ He bends and kisses me on the lips, and it’s soft, and heavenly, but he needs to do better than that. ‘I have no fucking plan. I have no fucking clue. All I know is that I’m not good enough for you, sweetheart, but despite my best efforts, I haven’t been able to resist you. Because you’re beautiful, and fiery, and intelligent, and you make my head spin. And I can’t walk away from you. Not just yet. So please don’t walk awayfrom me. I can’t—I don’t know what the fuck to do, but please don’t leave.’
It doesn’t take a genius, or a therapist, to work out what’s going on. His marriage ended and somehow he got the memo that he was damaged.
Unworthy of love.
Of making someone happy.
Of being happy himself.
But the good news is that at this very moment, he seems as much under my spell as I am under his. As incapable of extricating himself as I am. More, maybe.
So there’s only one thing to do.
Two things, really.
Show him he deserves to be happy.
Persuade him I’m the woman for the job.
I sling an arm around his neck and pull him down on top of me.
‘Just—never say never,’ I plead. ‘Keep an open mind about us. Please. Because this is really, really good.’
CHAPTER 28
Charlie
