Page 99 of The Rest is History
‘I told you,’ he presses on, ‘that first night you stayed over. I told you we had no future.’
‘Oh, come on,’ I spit out. ‘Don’t you dare pull a stunt like that.’
His eyes widen. ‘Like what? I’ve always tried to be honest with you, El. I told you we had an expiration date?—’
I pull my hand away and jump up. ‘What the fuck? Charlie, every single thing you’ve said and done since we got together has been totally perfect. Don’t youdaretell me you’ve been honest with me.’
‘I have,’ he pleads. He tries to grab my hand again. No, sir. ‘I’ve acted like I’m crazy about you because I am so fucking crazyabout you that I can barely breathe. But that doesn’t mean we can have a future together. I can’t make you happy.’
‘Bullshit!’ I’m crying now, huge crocodile tears that are causing huge, panicked gasps. ‘That makes zero sense. I remember you saying something about not being able to make me happy, but I thought you were having a crisis of confidence or something. I didn’t think you were a fucking coward.’
‘I am not a coward.’ His voice trembles with emotion. ‘I’m doing this for you. I distinctly remember telling you that I didn’t see myself doing the marriage thing again. Or having a family.’
I stare at him in horror. ‘Yeah, but?—’
‘You thought I was joking?’ He shakes his head. ‘I wasn’t, sweetheart. There are things about me you aren’t aware of. I’m not cut out to be a family man. And I think we’re both getting in over our heads, and it’s best to bite the bullet, because?—’
‘Oh, really.’ I put my hands on my hips, glad I have the height advantage, at least while he’s sitting. ‘We’re both getting in over our heads. I wonder whose fault that is. We’ve been completely inseparable, Charlie. We’regoodtogether! How can you walk away from this?’
He looks up at me with so much pain in those blue, blue eyes that I just want to cup his face and kiss the ever-loving breath out of him and tell him to please shut up and stop being delusional and take me home.
But I don’t.
‘I don’t know how I can walk away,’ he says. ‘I don’t know how I’ll survive. All I know is, I have to do it, no matter how painful it is. I’m doing it for you. Honestly, El. I know you don’t believe me, but?—’
‘Oh my God!’ I shock myself by stamping my foot, but right now it’s that or put a fist through his pretty face. ‘That is such a load of bollocks. Listen to yourself. This is arelationship. We’rein it together. You don’t get to make unilateral decisions about what you think is best for me, you patronising piece of shit.
‘I have no fucking clue what’s going on in your head, but you’d better spill the beans. Is this about your ex? Did she say something that’s damaged you? Because I know you, Charlie. You are a seriously amazing guy, and you make me so happy I can’t even tell you, and I don’t want out. And I don’t get why you want out.’
I break down and weep into my hands, ugly, snotty tears of rage and horror, and Charlie stands, pulling me into his arms.
‘Sweetheart,’ he mutters into my hair. ‘I don’t want out. I don’t want out at all, but it’s going to get harder and harder to end this the longer I leave it, and it’s better for both of us if I just walk away now.’
‘I don’t understand why you think it has to end.’ I’m soaking his nice shirt with my bodily fluids, and I don’t give a flying fuck. ‘Was it everyone yesterday joking about me being broody? I’m not trying to trap you. I just want to see where this goes.’
He stiffens against me but says nothing.
‘Honestly,’ I say. ‘If a couple of baby jokes have scared you off, then you’re not the man I thought you were. Or did introducing me to your family freak you out?’
‘No.’ He holds me more tightly. ‘None of it freaked me out. You’re incredible. I was so proud to introduce you all.’
‘So why the massive one-eighty? I don’t get it.’
‘I’m not in this for the long term,’ he says slowly, as if I’m an obtuse toddler. ‘I never have been, and I should have been strong enough to stay away from you in the first place, but I wasn’t. And now we’re both paying the price, and I’m truly sorry.’
He pries my arms off him and steps back. ‘Come on. I’ll give you a lift home.’
‘No way.’ I can’t even look him in the eye. I stare at his shoes instead. ‘I don’t want a lift from you.’
‘But how will you get home?’
‘That’s none of your business.’ I grab my bag from the bench and make to walk off. ‘Stay the hell away from me at school.’
CHAPTER 37
Elodie
‘Here you go, Liddie.’ Olive ventures towards me, setting a tray down in front of me. My eyes flick dully to it. She’s procured a glass of white wine and put a KitKat next to it. Random, but possibly just what I need.
