Page 65 of The Rest is History
‘Yeah. I’m fine.’ I grit the words out.And exhale. One. Two. Three. Four.My stomach is churning with nerves. It’s the most horrible feeling.Jesus Christ, mate. Get it together.I rack my brains for something to say. She’s going to think I’m a fucking loon. ‘So… how is your sister? And your niece?’
‘You’re scaring me.’ She puts a hand on my knee. ‘You don’t look well.’
‘God.’ I wipe my palm across my forehead. ‘I’m so sorry. It’s just—it’s a lot, to be honest. Having you here.’ Fuck. That came out so wrong.
Her eyes widen. ‘Do you want me to go? I can—leave?’
‘Definitely not. Just give me a second.’ I widen my knees, lower my head, trying to pull myself the fuck together before I blow this fledgling thing with the woman I want more than I’ve ever wanted anyone.
‘Honestly. Maybe I should go—I shouldn’t have bullied you into having me over. I totally railroaded you into a date, and I shouldn’t have. I’ll just make sure you’re okay, and then I’ll leave you to your evening, all right?’
I look up at her. There’s distress in her eyes. Concern. I snag her wrist.
‘Listen to me, Elodie. I have never once been in your presence and wanted you to walk away from me. Not one single time, not since I first met you.’ I take a breath. I need her to know this. ‘In fact, every time you leave a room, my world turns a little darker. Do you understand?’
She watches my face, comprehension dawning at what I’m telling her, and nods.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I tell her. ‘I’m so embarrassed.God. I just…’ I bow my head. ‘I’ve wanted this—us—for a very long time, andnow you’re here, and I think I’ve got myself a little wound up over it all.’
Her hand moves over my thigh. Stroking. Soothing. ‘But,’ she says carefully, ‘we’ve been together already, and you definitely didn’t seem… nervous. You seemed pretty damn confident, if anything.’
I chuckle without mirth. ‘Yeah. You could say that. But that was in the heat of the moment. It was spontaneous. Physical. I was very turned on. Now I have you here for a proper date, and it feels like the stakes are higher. I want to make it special for you, but instead I’m falling apart.’
‘Hey.’
She tilts my face up to hers with her fingers. Jesus, she’s beautiful. I can’t not touch her. I smooth a hand over her hair.
‘You are not falling apart. And if you are, that’s fine too, because I’m not going anywhere. Not unless you want me to.’ Her expression turns mischievous. ‘And the stakes aren’t high, because I’m a sure thing tonight.’
Jesus Christ. My eyes drift briefly closed. I wonder if that’s part of the problem—knowing I’ll likely get to make love to Elodie tonight. My circumstances haven’t changed. I no more deserve her now than I did when she started at Hampton Park. And yet, I’m hurtling down this path and pulling her with me.
Maybe I have performance anxiety. Perhaps that’s what it is.
‘I don’t deserve you,’ I mutter, my hand moving in her hair.One. Two. Three. Four.
‘Come on. Yes, you do.’ She pauses. ‘Can I ask you something?’
‘Of course.’
She stares at my mouth. ‘Do you think maybe you’ve just bigged this evening up a little too much in your mind?’
‘Entirely likely.’
‘But when we’re… physically intimate, there’s no issue. Like, you’re just in the moment, because’—her mouth twists—‘it’s so good between us.’
I smile at her. ‘You could definitely say that.’
‘Then maybe we should do tonight backwards.’ Her hand goes to the top of her dress, and my mouth goes dry as she slips the top button out of its buttonhole. ‘Maybe we should get physical first.’
CHAPTER 25
Charlie
This I can do.
I can strip away the stakes and the doubts and the anxiety and the incessant spiralling in my mind and focus on what I know to be true.
I’ve never wanted anyone more than this woman.
