Page 40 of Margins of Love
“We follow her and see if she is, as you imply, spying on us,” Fave said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
CHAPTER28
“Well then,” Ilan said when he felt the tension inside the carriage. He glanced at the book in Rachel’s hand, then at Stella’s knowing eyes. Without another word, he knocked on the front of the cabin and the carriage set into motion.
Sammy jumped to the side window. “He is still there,” he told Rachel.
She hugged the book to her chest as tightly as she wished she could hold Fave.
Rachel saw Fave’s silhouette shrink in the distance and hugged her new treasured possession more tightly as if to balance the constriction in her chest.
Sammy hopped over to her side when Brockton House was out of view. He took the book from her and leafed through it. Several minutes passed in tedious melancholy.
Stella’s eyes rested uncomfortably on Rachel, who realized her mother saw through her suppressed tears. She fixed her gaze at the countryside passing by them. A boxing hare hopped along a field, an osprey’s shadow soared in the sky, but the morning was still young. Despite a promise to brighten later in the day, the sky was overcast at this early hour. Blue anemones on the side of the path were the only splashes of color in the rather gloomy landscape. The quiet horizon faded into foggy distance as if a watercolor painting. In front of the carriage, the horses harrumphed. Rachel readjusted her posture against the rattling cabin when, “plik plok,” a pen fell from the book. Sammy bent down to retrieve it.
“Is this the fountain pen I gave you?” Ilan asked, well-knowing the answer. The barrel was ivory, shaped like a Greek column, most likely Corinthian, although Rachel had never been able to tell for sure. The nib was made of silver and tarnished from much wear.
She took it from Sammy and said, “Yes, Papa, it is.” Her voice quivered as she saw his temper darkening.
Although Rachel could not see it, she felt Ilan turn to Stella for help.
Her mother took a deep breath and shook her head. “Can you explain to us,Maidale, how a famous hellion of the ton came to holdyourpen inhisbook?”
“No,” Rachel said, tears pricking her eyes. She could barely recognize herself. She had not cried like this since, since… she was not sure she ever had. It was too much for her. The wedding arrangements, the mysterious betrothed, the search for the smartest investment. Everything was burdened by decisions—or lack thereof on her end—that could control the trajectory of the rest of her life. And then there was Fave, his smile and his gorgeous white teeth and his look, oh, the look in his eyes when he gave her the book. She took a deep breath.
Then she told her parents the truth. For this morning, in this carriage, they were the closely-knit family from years gone by, traveling alone in a cabin as they had so many times before. Rachel knew they could speak freely in the solitude of the carriage. These moments had become rare in London, where they were always in the company of servants. And even though Rachel found herself in a bind, she cherished the chance to lay her feelings bare in the closed circle of her family.
“Well, it seems we have quite a situation on our hands,” Ilan said when Rachel had recounted all the details of her courtship with Fave.
She was deflated, out of breath and without words. She had nothing left to say.
“Tell her,” Stella told Ilan. Stella did not need to bow to her husband when it was just the four of them alone.
“The dowager called on me after she had spoken to Lady Pearler.”
Rachel nodded. She was fully aware she had been caught.
“Her silence will cost us, but she will not be a threat to your arranged match,” Ilan said.
“She could raise questions as to your virtue and if she does, it may as well be gone,” Stella added gravely.
“And she made us promise that you will never see the Pearler son again,” Ilan added.
Rachel knew her parents were right. She felt guilty that a gossip like Bustle-Smith had caught her. Not that she had gone with Fave. The thought of his touch made her heart skip a beat. She had swayed in the arms of a gentleman, and she had been kissed. She had experienced more in the last few days than she had ever imagined. It would have to be enough.
She looked down at Fave’s book. There were berries on the vines. The foot edge of the text block was dusted with gold but it looked worn at the center. Even though the headband frayed and a long thread stuck out the top, it looked cherished, like a well-loved diary.
Those pesky tears pooled again in her eyes. Her vision blurred, but she fixed her gaze out the window again. A droplet rolled down her cheek. And another. And so, the family remained silent until Salisbury, where they stopped for the horses. Sammy walked around with the coachman and asked him a million and one questions about the carriage, the horses’ hooves, and his hat.
Rachel felt life returning to normal as there was more and more distance between her and Fave. The repercussions of her actions would cast a shadow on her image in her parents' eyes for a while. Still, she knew that her father would leverage the debt somehow and make everything all right.
Except that it would never be quite all right anymore. Not without Fave in her life.
CHAPTER29
April 12, 1813. London. The Pearler’s green drawing-room.
The internalizationof our values is an admission that the traditional Jewish heritage is insufficient to see your family through the new century. When you marry Elizabeth off to one of our gentlemen, your admission will become explicit through the new connections your lineage may seek. Luckily you have my patronage for dear Lizzie, and I shall continue to advocate for her success at the opening ball on the 18thof this month, as long as you ensure that our agreement is honored on your end. You shall be certain that I will uphold my end for the time being, but remind your son to reign in his hounds while Elizabeth chooses the gown for her debut. We do want it to be a smashing success, do we not?
