Page 74 of The Scent of Intuition
It struck her, then, how seamlessly he had become a part of her world. In mere days, Alfie had transformed from a stranger to someone she sought out, not out of necessity but from a desire that fluttered softly within her chest. His laughter had become a melody she yearned to hear, his approval a balm to her uncertainties.
The carriage approached, and Stan waved at her. “Are you coming back in?”
Bea held her hand to her forehead to shade her eyes, but there was no sign of Alfie. She was too far from Cloverdale House to walk back.
“Yes.” She hesitated at the carriage door and looked over her shoulder again to see if Alfie had reappeared. She couldn’t see him, and the longing in her heart became painful. She hesitated to grasp the polished handle of the carriage door, though Stanoffered his hand. A delicate shiver cascaded down her spine, betraying her outward calm, when she accepted his help back into the carriage, then sat back next to him.
“Is it Mr. Collins, then?” Stan asked.
Bea nodded, folding her hands on her lap. As the carriage passed through Green Park, the light dappling through the trees cast intricate patterns upon the path ahead, mirroring the complex weave of emotions threading through her heart. Bea realized she no longer pictured her days without Alfie’s companionship, without the spontaneous conversations that filled her with warmth, without the silent understandings that said more than words ever could.
“You like him?” Stan asked in a low voice.
Bea blinked at Stan and narrowed her gaze. “Not quite,” she tasted the words because she’d never uttered them. “Like is not right. I like you.” She acknowledged the tender tendrils of affection taking root within her, a connection she couldn’t—and no longer wished to—deny. Somehow, Alfie had, in bold and subtle ways, claimed a place in her heart.
“So you love him?” Stan didn’t sound upset nor was he impatient as most men of the Ton were, especially when Bea hadn’t agreed to allow them to court her yet. Well, she’d never allowed anyone.
“You could be a little more upset you know.” It hit her as strongly as the revelation that she didn’t wish for his affection even though he appeared like the perfect match for her. But what seemed perfect from the outside often felt different on the inside. And Bea’s heart beat for the apothecary.
Stan inhaled slowly and twisted his upper body to her to speak with her directly. “Lady Beatrice, you are the perfect woman, as Violet said. She sang your praises, and I wholeheartedly agree with her.”
Bea matched his polite smile. They agreed the external factors would have been ideal but neither of them wished for more than friendship.
“I’m not upset that you don’t want me to be yours.”
He shook his head. “My life is perilous right now, and I am not able to keep a woman safe.”
“Safety is not what I was looking for.”
“What were you looking for with me?”
“Everything. You seemed to have everything to offer that I could ever wish for in a man but then I discovered my feelings for someone I have known a while.”
A slow smile built on his face, and sincerity was in his gaze, which she had only seen a few times. It wasn’t desire, lust, or love—it was friendship. “You are very generous, Lady Beatrice. I hope to be worthy of your compliments.”
“How did you know I was in love with someone else?” she asked.
“I had a suspicion when you climbed into the carriage today. Most women use this as an opportunity to fuel a courtship.”
Bea jerked her head back.
“Yes, and then you looked at me exactly like that when I wanted to whisper in your ear. Horrified.” Stan gave a wistful smile. “I would never take a kiss if it weren’t given freely, Lady Beatrice.”
She dropped her gaze to her gloved hands and plucked at the lace on the cuffs. “It’s not right, you know. Nobody should take what isn’t given freely.”
“That’s exactly why I am in London.”
“Is it about your country? And what the Austrians are trying to take?”
“Yes.” Stan’s smile faded, and he stared into the distance.
“The Habsburgs must give you a constant reason to fear, right? Or are you from the area under the Ottoman Empire’s rule?”
Stan’s eyes shot to Bea.
She continued, “Last I heard, the Austrians were interested in the regions of Transylvania, Banat, Cri?ana, and Maramure?, areas rich in resources, including forests, agricultural lands, and minerals.”
“You know our geography?”
