Page 12 of Collin: Episodes 13-15
“I don’t know how to be both. I’m scared of how far fucktoy is from public me. Sometimes here in The Residency, I can see myself just staying naked, being a sex kitten or a sex toy for everyone present, and having nothing else on my mind but what they want. And I love it. I love how I feel about myself. I love what I give to everyone else. I love what they give to me. But that doesn’t mix with everything else I’ve worked so hard for the last twenty-plus years of my life. I’m scared to turn my brain off and drop all the thinking, and planning, and strategizing and learning, everything that’s been what I’ve been doing until now.”
Matthew ran his hands through his hair, spreading the shampoo around one more time, then stretched, and stepped out of the water where he could meet Collin’s eyes. “Did you ever turn you brain off, just rest, before you came here?
“Rest?” Collin laughed. “No, not really. That’s part of how I ended up here.”
Matthew chuckled. “So I heard.” He took a turn under the water and stepped back out of the spray. “Do you know what I do?”
“No.”
“I’m a city planner. I strategize development and project needs ten, twenty, thirty years into the future. And I’m one of the best at what I do. Do you know why?”
“You’re smart? Educated? Have a head for it?”
Matthew nodded, head waffling a bit side to side. “Yes, I’m all of those things. But one thing that I have that many others don’t is, at least once a week, I turn it all off. I let it rest. I tap into other parts of myself. I let that part of me sleep, and I lay at Hypatia’s feet. If you go so far in one direction, you have to go that far in the other direction to create internal balance. Some of my colleagues go home and scream at their wives and children and get drunk. I go home, strip off my clothes, put on my cuffs, slide a remote stim up my anus, go into the living room, and kneel on my pillow. And when Hypatia is about ten minutes away, she turns on the stim so that when she walks through the door I’m waiting for her, hard and desperate. And then she pets me and cuddles me and lets me sit at her feet while she tells me about her day and we drink tea together.”
“What’s her profession?”
“She’s a brain surgeon.”
“Wow.”
“Yes. No matter what happens at work, whether or not she can save a life, she knows that she has to come home, that she has to be there for me. That I’m going to be there for her. That my submission is there for her and that I need her dominance. Without it, I can’t be the submissive I am. And without me, she can’t be the domme that she is. We serve each other and we free each other. And because we are so anchored, because we are so solid and we rest and play as hard as we work, we can be everything that we are, in both places. When the alarm on my phone goes off, I’m done. I close down my office and I leave. No one can guilt me into staying because I am committed to my domme. And when I show up for work, having left, have rested that part of my brain, I can do brilliant things again the next day. I’m better now than the days I worked longer hours because I sleep, I eat, and I walk away and do other things.”
Collin rubbed his eyes and blinked. Could it really be so simple?
Hadn’t it already been that simple?
Mr. Moreau and Mr. Reevesworth were in the living room drinking coffee, Mr. Reevesworth was on the couch and Mr. Moreau was in the chair across from him when Collin and Matthew returned from the shower. Mr. Reevesworth stood up and held out his arms to Matthew. They embraced for a long moment, and Mr. Reevesworth kissed the side of Matthew’s head before stepping back. Matthew’s eyes were lowered, and he was smiling. He went around the coffee table to the window side and sank to his knees on a cushion with all the grace of a dancer.
Collin stood uncertainly at the end of the couch. What were the rules? Clearly, Matthew knew something or had a routine. Did that change his?
He looked to Mr. Reevesworth.
“Here, pet.” Mr. Reevesworth pulled Collin down sideways into his lap.
Damian arrived a few moments later, barely toweled dry, clothes sticking to him. “Apologies for being late.”
“Only the last one to arrive,” Mr. Moreau said. He stood up and took the lid off the serving bowl, revealing potatoes, bacon, and eggs. “We made Matthew’s favorite.”
Matthew’s smile broke out like the sun.
Damian joined Matthew on the floor at the coffee table. The two of them made up plates for everyone.
Mr. Reevesworth held up his palm when Damian reached for a fifth plate. “Just put Collin’s food with mine, Pup. Thank you.”
“Yes, sir.” Damian put the plate back and retrieved Mr. Reevesworth’s.
Matthew added food to it. “I think that’s all that will fit, sir. I can add more later.”
“Good call, Matthew. Thank you.”
Collin pushed his hands down between his thighs since now he had nothing to do with them. His face burned.
Mr. Reevesworth pulled him in and whispered in his ear. “We can eat like this, pretty boy. Or you can be my good little kitten, we can take off your clothes, and you can eat breakfast on your knees in front of me.”
In front of Matthew, sir? was on the tip of his tongue. But Mr. Reevesworth already knew that. He wouldn’t be asking unless he was certain. So, the choice was up to him.
Collin’s cheeks colored. “On my knees, sir.”
