Page 30 of Stowaway Whirlwind
And two—I’m glad she left. If she couldn’t handle it, then I’m glad she did. I’m glad I didn’t have to grow up in a house with a mother who didn’t want me. If she didn’t feel the soul-deep love that I have for Lily and could leave me with a man in active addiction to raise me, then she didn’t deserve me. Because as hard and exhausting as it is taking care of Lily on my own, it is also my greatest joy…in between long bouts of crying, which I do as much as Lily.
One thing I’ve come to understand about my father is why our apartment was always a mess. Because,dear god, who has the energy to clean when you’re holding onto your sanity by the tips of your fingers after only a few hours of broken sleep for weeks at a time? How do other parents do it? Just doing thelaundry when I leak through my shirts or when Lily blows out her diapers is overwhelming, and I don’t even have to cart our laundry to the laundromat! Literally, all I have to do is throw a load into the washer and dryer in the attached garage, and I barely have the motivation to do even that much.
If I had my own money, I’d simply throw our clothes away and buy new ones to avoid doing the laundry that’s piling up. But I refuse to use the cash Davis keeps transferring to the bank account he set up for me while out on the road—bullying me into using it over our spotty text messages—for anything more than the diapers Lily needs and the groceries I can, thankfully, have delivered to the house. Also, bullets, though he doesn’t know about that.
We still haven’t spoken on the phone. Nor have we talked about why he froze me out and left the way he did. But he sure doesn’t hold back when it comes to texting me whenever he checks the bank account.
Davis:Why did you only spend $48.17 at the grocery store? I know most of that was spent on diapers and wipes.
Davis:That was 4 days ago. Google says breastfeeding moms are supposed to eat 2,500 calories every day. There’s no way you’re eating enough.
Davis:I’m sending you another $100 tonight. USE IT!!
Davis:Goddamnit. It’s been 3 days. You only spent $37.42.
Davis:Are you trying to drive me crazy?
I get a small dose of satisfaction every time I react to one of his text messages with a thumbs up or down instead of answering his questions. Why he cares in the first place, I have no idea.
Davis:I’m ordering groceries for you from now on and sending another $100. USE THE DAMN MONEY.
Me:You’re not my daddy. I don’t have to listen to you.
I can almost hear his growl of irritation through the phone. It’s childish, I know, but it’s also entertaining, and there’s not a whole lot of that in my life when I’m in the trenches with a newborn and don’t have anyone else to talk to.
Davis:5
Me:5 what????
Davis:5 fucking spankings when I get home. I’m still keeping count.
Me:Fuck you! YOU’RE NOT MY DADDY!
See? Childish. I’m sure his blood is boiling, but it’s his own fault.
Davis:6 for the curse
Me:FUCK YOU
I wait and wait and wait for him to respond like a puppy waiting for its owner to give it some attention, and any lingering entertainment I got out of our exchange fades. What am I doing? I’m supposed to be doing better for Lily, not egging Davis on. So I go back to my thumbs up and down reactions, no matter what his messages say.
Davis
I keep reading Goldie’s text message over and over again.
Honey Baby:Fuck you! YOU’RE NOT MY DADDY!
And over and over and over, trying to drive the message home, but it won’t stick in my brain. I’m a lunatic because,yes, the fuck I am her Daddy, though god knows I shouldn’t feel that way. But I still do. And I’m doing what a Daddy is supposed to do—protecting her. I’m protecting her frommyself.
I also stroke my cock night after night in the back of my rig, unable to fall asleep until I cum, thinking about how she sobbed in pleasure for me—forDaddy—when I was licking her clit the night before I left.
The photo of the three of us in the hospital and the memory of my mouth on her golden pussy are the only things keeping me going on this nightmare of a job, plagued by roads sheeted with dangerous black ice and resultant pile-ups that put me further and further behind schedule. It’s just added penance for my epic fuck up.
After another painfully long day of crawling down the road in traffic, putting me a whole goddamn week behind schedule, I’m in desperate need of release. Rolling onto my hands and knees on the narrow bed, I pull up the hospital picture on my phone and zoom in on Goldie’s face until it fills the screen. I lay my phone down on the bed, then grip my dick, jerking it hard and fast. It usually only takes me a few strokes of staring at her smile to get me off, but I’m still not over today’s frustrations, and I need more tonight to let go of this tension.
On impulse, I callHoney Babybefore I can think better of it. I’m blown away by surprise when she answers after the fourth ring. She doesn’t say anything, not evenHello, but I can hear her breathing, and it’s almost enough. My hand is wet with pre-cum, and when she releases a small gasp, I figure she can hear me. Hear the sound of me jacking my cock while on the phone with her.
“Say it,” I grit out. She deserves so much more, so muchbetterthan that, but they’re the only words my mouth can form between heaving breaths.
