Page 29 of Saved by my Baby Daddy Spy
The other half had to do with Holden. It seemed impossible to sit down and write stories about men and women who were doing the exact same thing he was. It became even harder when Kerrigan was born.
Switching genres is what made the most sense for my sanity.
“Do you think you’ll ever go back to writing spy novels?” he asks as we take the first step onto the sand. I kick off my heels and hook them over one finger. Holden takes off his shoes and socks before rolling up the hem of his jeans.
“I don’t know. I’m really enjoying the work I do now. It’s different, but it’s a good time.”
“Well, if you ever go back to writing about spies and want to pick someone else’s brain about them, I would be happy to help.”
I smile and shrug. “I’ll keep that in mind. I could use some insight about witness protection in the future, though. I think I’m going to have a character in witness protection in a different novel.”
“Whatever you need, I would be happy to help. As long as it helps you understand my time away,” he says, linking his hand with mine again and leading the way down to the waves.
“Thank you. I really do appreciate that.”
He runs his thumb over the back of my hand. “This has been a good night. Honestly, I wasn’t sure that you were going to agree to go out with me.”
“I thought about calling to cancel a few times this week,” I say, my heart beating faster as I try to figure out how to bring up Kerrigan. “To be honest, having a kid is demanding, and fitting another person into my life seems like one of those impossible tasks that I might never have time for.”
“I’m willing to take whatever time you can give.” Holden smiles and twirls me around in a circle beneath his arm as the waves crash against the shore.
I feel like I’m going to be sick. “There’s a little more to it than that.”
He stops walking and turns to face me. “What’s wrong?”
As I pull my hand from his and take a step back, I try to put some emotional distance between us too. I need to keep a level head while dealing with this entire messy situation that he never asked to be in.
“I don’t know how to tell you this, but it’s time that I do.” I fidget with my heels, swinging them from my finger as I try to collect my thoughts. “When you went away, I tried to contact you every single day for a year.”
“I didn’t know that,” he says, his eyebrows knitting together.
The sun is setting behind him as I try to find the right words to bring his life crashing down around him. Such a beautiful evening is going to go to hell when he finds out he has a daughter.
“I had everyone reaching out to you after the first two months had gone by with no word. I thought that I would do whatever I could until I found a way to get in contact with you, but nothing worked. After a year, I gave up. I figured that you just didn’t want to hear from me and if you did, you would reach out when you were ready.”
Holden nods, but I can see the confusion on his face. His hold on his shoes tightens and his entire posture is stiff.
“Hannah, where is this going?”
“Kerrigan is your daughter.”
His facial expression changes as soon as the words leave my mouth. His head shakes as he takes a step back. Holden’s eyes are wide, and his lips press together in a thin line.
“I have a daughter?”
I nod. It feels like the world is about to fall away from beneath me. I can only imagine how he is feeling. His daughter is fifteen months old and he’s just now meeting her.
I should have told him the moment that he walked into Audrey’s home.
“And you’re just now telling me this? Even though I have been back for a couple weeks? Even though I’ve been around Kerrigan for a couple weeks? I’ve held her and talked to her, and not once did you think to tell me that she was mine.”
“I tried for a year to tell you. You couldn’t be bothered to tell anyone how to get in contact with you. Hampton tried. Your sisters tried. Everyone who had your number tried.”
“You haven’t said anything since I’ve been back. Not once did you think that maybe you should have told me immediately, before now?”
I fight back the tears that threaten to fall. This moment isn’t about me right now. “I thought about telling you every single day. I should have told you sooner, but I didn’t know if I could trust you with her.”
“And what is that supposed to mean?”
