Page 64 of Quiet Rage
“Honey, that’s the third can you’ve dropped,” Mom sighs as I continue restocking. “And I think you can stop now. The shelves are crammed.”
She’s right. I’ve just been sliding cans in place without thinking until there isn’t an inch of free space. I don’t know how much time has passed. I don’t even know if I priced half of them correctly.
She comes out from behind the counter, looking at me with deep concern. “Why don’t you go back to the office, sit down for a little bit?” she suggests, touching the back of her hand on my forehead like she’s checking for a fever. “You are ice cold.”
Dad is back in the office. I don’t know if I can stand looking at his hand bandaged up the way it is. Every time I see it, I remember the way Mom shrieked. It’s enough to make me imagine sitting down with her, the vodka between us, and drinking myself into oblivion.
“You know what, maybe I should go home,” I whisper. I don’t want him coming back here, looking for me. I can’t put them through it. Somehow, in the middle of all of this, I still care about what this could do to them. “I’m not feeling very well.”
“All right. Maybe you should get some sleep. And try to eat something,” she adds. “You’ll be a skeleton before much longer.”
“I try,” I murmur, grabbing my purse from under the counter. The last thing I want right now is to be alone, vulnerable, but I can’t be here. I can barely function. It’s obvious there’s something wrong with me. I won’t be able to hide it much longer.
There’s a second where I consider not going in the direction of home. But where else would I go? I don’t want to make it easy for him to find me, but I have no backup plan. I have no money for even a cheap motel. I could call Emma, spend the night with her, but would I want to leave my only friend open to that maniac? I can’t get her involved in this.
What, then? Do I just go home and wait? Do I drive around until the car runs out of gas, then sleep in it somewhere? That would be like pouring lighter fluid on a fire. Dante isn’t the only bad guy out there in the world.
And Kellen is lost to me. Who am I trying to kid? He was never mine. If he could forget me that easily, and find a new toy as Dante put it, I never actually meant anything.
By the time I’m home, unlocking the front door, there’s only one option left. It’s always been there, in the background, waiting to step into the light. Since way before all of this happened. Only before now, I thought I had a reason to avoid going through with it.
Now, I definitely do. Because the last thing I’m going to do is sit here and wait to have what’s left of my life destroyed. I’m going to take what little bit of control I have.
I barely see anything around me now that my focus is set. I move robotically, every step one step closer to my fate. This is how it has to be. I can’t go through another day of this. I’m sure I’ll be forgiven on the other side. Finally, no more fear. No more pain. Peace. My heart swells with longing for peace, pushing away any last questions or doubts I might have.
The pills are on Mom’s nightstand, where she can grab them easily. The bottle is more than half full—she must have just gotten them refilled. It’s like fate is on my side, making sure I have the tools I need. I take it with me down the hall to my room, passing Jason’s empty bedroom on the way. I’ll get to see him again. Light sparks in my chest, warm, soothing.
There’s half a bottle of water sitting on my nightstand. I open the bottle of pills as I sit, getting everything over with quickly now. I’ve fought so hard for so long. There’s relief in giving up. I just want it all over with.
I don’t bother counting the pills as I pour them into my palm. I only know there’s nothing more than a few left in the bottle when I plop it down on the nightstand. Do I take them all at once? Might as well.
Tipping my head back, I empty the pills into my mouth, then follow it with a few long gulps of water until they’re all washed down. It’s done. I can go to sleep. I’m so tired, too. This is such a relief.
Kicking off my shoes, I slowly stretch out on the bed. Kellen slept here with me. I run my hand over the space where he lay, where I had some of my last happy moments. They might’ve been fake, just like everything else about us, but it felt real at the time. I force myself to focus on that, to live in those memories, as my eyes close and I wait for the end.
Chapter 29
Kellen
Fuck it.I’ve given her more than enough time. Three days is enough for anybody. Besides, we have things to talk about.
And that’s what I need to focus on, driving to her house. This isn’t an excuse to spend a little one-on-one time, no matter what my dick thinks. I am too hard up for her. It’s been too long since I’ve touched her.
But this is more important. This is her safety. After three days of trying to line up a safe house for her and her parents, I finally have good news. I can bring her something more than heartache and disappointment and betrayal.
Not that I think it will wipe the slate clean, but it’s a start. And I know I’ll sleep a hell of a lot better knowing she’s someplace safe, where Dad can’t find her.
Her car is parked in front of the house. I don’t see her parents’ cars—there’s a stroke of good luck. I can’t show myself to them right now. It’s bad enough knowing the way she’ll look at me. I can tell myself it doesn’t matter, but that would be a lie.
Another car pulls in behind me as I sit and watch the house, where there are no lights on inside that I can see. She must be up in her room, facing the backyard. It’s a little early for bed, but she could be watching something on her laptop. Why am I so fucking nervous? I have good news. I was so fired up to get over here as soon as I had the plans in place, but now I can’t help but hesitate, trying to come up with what to say so I don’t make any mistakes.
While I’m doing that, the person in the car behind me opens their door. Recognition shoots its way through me like lightning and freezes me in place when I catch him in my mirror. Dante, the fucker. He must not recognize my plates—he doesn’t even glance at the truck, instead walking quickly toward the house. With purpose.
His head swings back and forth, searching for witnesses, before he rounds the house instead of using the front door.
There’s no reason for him to be there other than the obvious. As soon as he’s out of sight, I open my door, closing it softly, moving fast through the dark. He’s dead. He is fucking dead, and it’s his own fucking fault. All he had to do was let it go, but he couldn’t.
I slow in my progress once I’m close enough to hear him walking around in the backyard. There’s a bare bulb burning over the back door. I see him in the light from it, gazing up at Tamson’s bedroom window. It’s when he makes a move for the back door, looking determined, that I spring on him.
