Page 55 of Merciless Union
“I don’t think that’s true.”
He glances back at me. “I … felt bad. I shouldn’t have ruined something that brought you happiness.” He fiddles with his cufflinks, looking away from me again. “Unfortunately, it took something tragic happening for me to wake up and realize this.”
My throat chokes up. “You mean my mom dying.”
“Yes.”
I nod, trying to accept his words. “Well, you’re being honest, at least.”
“I’ve never lied to you, Arina.” His voice is deep with some kind of emotion I can’t place. “Despite all that’s happened between us, that’s been my one constant. I’ve never promised anything more than my true self.”
“I guess that’s true.”
“But it doesn’t make you happy, does it?”
I let out a sharp breath. “No. It doesn’t. And it’s no excuse for how you’ve treated me.”
“How did I treat you?”
I look at him, frowning.
He holds up a hand. “Please, just explain it to me. Again.”
“All you wanted was for me to be your trophy. You took my body in a way that showed me you don’t care for me at all. And you tried controlling me. Maxim, of course, I wasn’t happy.”
“You got pleasure from our sex. At least, that’s what it seemed like to me.”
I sigh. “Yes. It did feel good, physically. I don’t deny that. But you were hurting me emotionally. … And you did spank me that one time, which I hated.”
His lips curl up a little bit. “Duly noted.” He clears his throat. “I wasn’t aware I was hurting you … emotionally.”
“No,” I say softly. “You were never aware.”
“But I am now.” His gaze is so intense it makes me breathless.
I’m not sure what to say to that. “Are you suggesting we start anew? With you being kinder to me?”
“I’ll try to be. I want a wife who can stand by my side. Not one who hates me.”
I struggle to say my next words. “Will …” I inhale and exhale. “Will there ever be love … between us?”
Maxim’s eyes widen a fraction. “I don’t know if I can promise that. Love is a weakness that I can’t risk in my line of work.”
I nod, dropping my gaze. “I figured you’d say that. But I also figured I’d ask.” A pause. “You know, Stepan was at the funeral.”
“I saw,” he growls.
“What did he’d think it would achieve?”
“He probably wants to show me he can go anywhere and survive. It was a gamble, but he must have assumed I wouldn’t try anything at your mother’s funeral. He’s toying with me. That motherfucker.” He sighs. “And I should never have assumed you were working with him. I wasn’t having the best day. Two of my men betrayed me just a few hours earlier. It must have been on my mind when I saw you sitting across from Stepan. I’m sorry.”
I tilt my head. “I’m guessing you don’t say sorry very often.”
“It’s not a common word in my vernacular, I’ll admit.”
I stare at him for a moment. “Thank you for that.” He raises an eyebrow. “For not going after him today,” I clarify. “And for apologizing.”
“Well, I know how much your mother meant to you. I … wouldn’t do that to you. That’s me showing kindness.”
