Page 18 of Curious Cameron
"More soda," I tell him.
"Can I get a please in there somewhere?"
He's so bossy. It's crazy how much I let him get away with. And even crazier how much I enjoy it.
"Soda. Pretty please," I ask with a smile.
"You got it, Cam."
"Wait, really though, is Italian okay? I was thinking maybe baked ziti." I look over at everything I've put together. I should have all I need to make that.
"It's fine, Cam. You can make whatever you want." Trevor chuckles. "Dinner really isn't the point. Tomorrow is all about the dessert."
I start to freak out. "I didn't think about dessert."
"Cam…you're the dessert."
Oh. Right.
???
With my head full of ideas for dinner, it's hard to decide what to feed myself for lunch. I end up grazing on cereal and chips while I double-check to make sure I have all the ingredients. The cheese is the only thing I have doubts about. It calls for ricotta, mozzarella cheese, and parmesan.
We don't have any of that in the fridge, but I do find a block of cheddar.
And a hunk of easy-melt cheese.
Trevor must have gotten these for nachos or chip dip, but I figure it'll work for baked ziti too. Cheese is cheese, right?
If this substitution doesn't work out tonight I can ask Trevor to pick up those other cheeses tomorrow.
Since Trevor won't be home until late, I spend the rest of the day puttering around the house, finding things to do while scrolling on my phone for the very best recipe. I get a load of laundry started and then unpack a few boxes.
I'm proud of myself when I get the bathroom fully sorted out and stocked up. Slowly, but surely and sweetly, this place is starting to feel like a home.
When it's time to get started on dinner, I find myself overwhelmed by all the different recipes I've saved. That gets me nowhere fast, so I look up videos. I find one with a grandma and follow along. Pausing and rewatching as needed.
By the time I get it into the oven, I've narrowly avoided grating off my thumb once.
Okay. Twice.
But it barely hurts at all.
I set an alarm on my phone and find something to do while waiting for the baked ziti to bake itself. I wander up the stairs and go into the extra bedroom that's still acting as our computer room. There's a particular box I haven't been able to look at since I packed it away.
Today is as good as any to confront what's inside: my art supplies and sketchbooks.
I tear open the big cardboard box and look inside. It's a mess. I just dumped everything in there without thinking about it. Neat and safe packing had been the least of my worries. I'm not so sure my charcoal sticks survived the move. Fuck, what about my paintbrushes?
I paw through the box for damage assessment.
Oh, my colored pencils. They've always been my favorite. One by one, I admire all the different colors I've collected over the years. There's a brand new set, sharpened to perfection but they've never touched paper.
Last year, all my dreams came true when I started college. I was so excited. So hopeful. I finally felt like I made it. That I was a real artist. And yet it fell apart fast. I barely made it through fall semester and then once spring kicked off, well, I burned out.
Everything just became too much for me to handle.
And then when I got my ADHD diagnosis…I still don't understand why finally having the answers to what's been wrong with me my whole life made it worse.
