Page 27 of Julian Shared
“What about Minh?” he asks in return.
Oh, that’s right. It does take two people to cheat. “I’m not sure it really matters,” I admit, “if things blow up I can’t imagine she’ll stay on post.”
I might not see her again. My stomach twists at the thought. Besides Cameron, Minh’s the only other spouse I’m close enough with to call a friend. Suddenly, I feel like I’ve already lost her.
“I’ll go check in on her later today. Make sure she’s okay.” In my head, I’m already deciding what baked goods to bring as the excuse to pop over uninvited.
“Well, you didn’t hear all this gossip from me, all right?” Joel asks as he stands up and squeezes my toes underneath the covers. “I’m taking off. Remember what I told you to do — relax.”
I’m so off schedule and we’re so far from our routine. It feels downright wrong to stay in bed while I listen to Joel take off for work. Still, I do as he’s instructed. I lay back down and curl against my pillow, but I can’t go back to sleep. Each time I close my eyes, my head fills with all sorts of wicked imagery and thoughts.
I think about Cameron and Trevor and their happily arranged agreement to let other men use Cameron.
And then I compare it to Minh’s situation, unhappy and pregnant and cheating on her husband because…well, it’s not my place to say why she did what she did.
But it still makes me worry about my own marriage.
What if I cheated on Joel? Or he cheated on me?
It’s a worry so ridiculous it’s not even based in reality.
But when I think about the fantasies we’ve been playing around with…and then last night’s dancing…well, fear might drain the color from my face but it still sends all that blood rushing into my dick.
What in the world is wrong with me?
I tell myself to stop thinking about it, but once I’m thinking it, well, I can’t stop. I take a cold shower and try to will away the erection, but it doesn’t help. In fact, with my nipples gone as hard as my cock, it just makes it worse.
I’m more horny than I’ve been in years.
Cheating isn’t the fear nipping at me anymore. It’s that insistent, wild fantasy about Joel willingly sharing me with other men.
I’m never going to be able to get on with the day until I take care of this, so I decide to just get on with it.
I’ll give in to all the weird and naughty desires that tug and pull at me. Maybe once I’ve indulged in them, they’ll lose the appeal.
With one towel wrapped around my waist and another over my head, I pad into the closet. Finding the new dildo that Joel gifted me is easy. It’s right there, still in the packaging, though I have to dig through shoe boxes to find where I stuck the old one.
It’s in there. Somewhere. It has to be.
I haven’t used it since the last time Joel was deployed. I finally find it shoved in a shoe-box that’s hidden in a plastic tub for winter wear. Joel and I will never need to wear snow pants and woolen vests in the desert of Camp Cactus.
I must have thought I’d never need the dildo again either.
Though right now I need it so bad…I need two of them to satisfy my wicked curiosities.
Chapter 10
Julian
When Joel brought the first dildo for me, he said it was so I could keep myself satisfied until he was back to do it himself. It didn’t keep away the loneliness while Joel was gone overseas, but it did keep me company in other ways.
With bated breath, I tear into the packaging of the new toy and find some batteries for it…and give it a quick wash. Once that’s sorted, I take both the old and the new with me into bed, crawling deep under the sheets and duvet and blankets.
I reach into my bedside drawer and pull out a bottle of lube. Ignoring the sudden spike of guilt in my stomach, I coat my fingers generously and then return to the comfortable darkness beneath all the bedding.
I’ve never played with myself like this. Not when Joel’s not deployed. I’ve only ever fucked myself with a toy when he’s thousands of miles away.
Yet I ignore the churn of guilt in my belly and the rush of shame across my face as I hook a lubed-up finger into myself. Joel said he wanted me to use the new toy whenever I wanted…so obviously, he won’t mind me getting off by myself.
