Page 16 of The Mountain
“She’s my girlfriend,” he says, interrupting me. He lifts his chin, fixing me with an almost defiant stare. “We’re… it’s serious. And… well, I told her I’m okay with… um…” His throat bobs, the pink flush spreading down to the collar of his jacket as his eyes dart almost sheepishly toward Liam and Antoine.
Well. Fuck me.
I bark out a laugh, but it’s hollow sounding. Brittle. “You’re okay with what?” I ask, pushing him. Wanting him to say it. Because this guy, this poor guy. He’s agreeing to some polyamorous relationship and he can’t even talk about it. He’s got no ideawhat he’s getting himself into. “You’re okay with her seeing other people? With her fucking other guys?”
“Hey.” Liam’s voice is sharp. “Don’t talk about her like that.”
I shoot him an incredulous look. “Are you fucking serious right now?”
“As a heart attack,” he retorts, and his voice has that flat tone about it that’s always kind of creeped me out. Beside him, Antoine is staring at me intently, green eyes watchful. I can feel Seth’s eyes on me too, his face still too close to my own for comfort.
Suddenly, Lily’s car seems claustrophobic. Like all the air has been sucked out and replaced with stale sweat and testosterone. Definitely the wrong place to be having this conversation.
I drag one hand over my face, then flop back into the driver’s seat and stare out the windshield. “Okay,” I say. “Fine. Sorry.” And I mean it, even if the apology comes out with my back to everyone and through gritted teeth. “I’m just saying, you guys all want to date her. But have you even thought about what that means?”
Silence follows my question, heavy and tense. Beneath my boots, cold seeps up through the thin floorboards of the car. Our breaths fog the windows, making Lily’s car seem even smaller.
“You’re talking about sex,” Seth says, and there’s a curl of amusement to his voice that I don’t quite understand.
I give him a bland stare over my shoulder. What else would I be talking about? I might not have had many—okay, any—actual relationships, but I’m pretty sure if I had one, it would involve sex. Preferably a lot of it.
“Exactly.” My fingers drum out an impatient rhythm on the steering wheel. “And I’m just saying—are you guys all okay with her fu- with hersleepingwith other dudes? Seriously?”
Matty twists in his seat, the tiny car shifting beneath his weight as he curls himself toward the center of the car to look at me. “But… she wouldn’t be sleeping with other guys.” Matty cocks his head, his brow dipping. “She’d just be dating you guys. That’s different.”
I feel my eyebrows lift, disappearing beneath the mop of hair resting on my forehead.
Matty’s cheeks flare pink, and his gaze dips to where his hands twist some worn piece of paper on his lap. “Besides. It’s not just about sex, you know. I mean, if she wants to… when she’s ready or whatever.” He clears his throat. “But I… uh… I think I’d be fine with that.”
I blink at him in surprise, not sure what to make of the strange swooping feeling in my stomach at his words. I turn to Seth and give him a pointed look instead. “And you’re cool with it too?” I ask. “You’re fine if the girl you’re sleeping with is sleeping with other people?”
“I won’t be sleeping with her.” There’s a hard glint to his eyes, the faintest tic on the right side of his jaw. “Well, not to have sex, anyway.” His lips quirk in the shadow of a smile at the sight of my confusion. “I’m ace, and it’s not really my thing.”
“You’re… what?” Is that like, a nickname? Something to do with cards?
“Asexual.” Seth’s smile tilts to one side, but his brown eyes are hard as the earth frozen deep beneath the snow-coveredworld outside. “Lily knows.” A small shrug. “She knows I’m not interested in being intimate like that.”
I scrunch up my face. “But you still want to date her?” I ask like an idiot.One of these days, that mouth of yours is going to get you killed, my grandpa always said, and he was probably right. “How does that even work? Is that even a real relationship? I mean, that’s basically just friendship, right?”
Seth levels me with a glare. Behind me, Antoine gives a hissed inhale, and mutters something in French under his breath.
“Do you even think before you talk?” Liam asks, tone sharp with biting amusement. “Or do you just vomit out every thought that flits through your brain?”
I scowl but don’t answer.
“Let’s go inside,” Antoine says, and I get the distinctive feeling he’s talking to everyone except me. “It’s getting cold out here, and I want to check on Lily.”
Lily.
I feel a twinge of irritation at the way my chest constricts when he says her name. At the way my eyes instantly dart to the front door of our condo, barely visible through the fogged windscreen. At the way she’s always on my mind, thoughts of her pressing through at the most inconvenient moments.
This would be a lot easier if I wasn’t into her. If I could just sit back and watch these idiots all try to date her at the same time. If I didn’t fucking care about whether they got hurt or not. About whether Lily got hurt or not.
But I do care.
I wrench the car door open, metal hinges grinding out in protest in the cold, and slam the door shut behind me. I ignore the sounds of the guys at my back and grip the icy handrail as I take the stairs two at a time. Toward Lily.
Part of me expects to find her in bed, face pale, eyes bleary. Like she was yesterday. A sad shadow of the girl who laughed beside me in the powder, who pulled my ski from the snow like it was Excalibur. Who drank half my whiskey and then tried to kiss me.
