Page 43 of The Mountain
Lily
“Holy shit. Is that meat?” Eddie’s face lights up the moment we step into the condo and he lifts his head, giving a dramatic sniff. “Oh, thank fuck.” He shoots a mischievous grin in Seth’s direction. “No offense, mate, but you’ve been making some pretty vegetable-heavy dishes.”
Seth huffs, bending to pull off his boots. “It’s called eating healthy.” I can see the hint of a smile though.
“Okay,” Eddie snorts. “I’m nineteen years old. Think I’ve got a bit of time to worry about my cholesterol, old man.”
That has Seth grinning, shaking his head as he rises to stand, even as my stomach does an uncomfortable flip at the reminder of Eddie’s age. At twenty, I know I’m not that much older than him, that it’s nothing like me and Steve. But doubt is a strange thing—always clinging at the edges, dark tendrils constantly seeking out weakness.
“I’m twenty-one,” Seth says dryly. “Not exactly knocking on death’s doorstep over here, okay.”
Eddie waves one hand dismissively. “Sure, whatever. But your metabolism is probably slowing down.”
“Hey.” Matty shoulders past Eddie, reaching around to help me out of my coat. He pauses to press a warm kiss to my cheek, then says: “I take offense to that. I’m twenty-three and my metabolism hasn’t slowed down at all.”
“You guys are idiots,” Liam calls from the kitchen, his voice strained as he uses the potato masher to pummel something in a massive pot on the stove. “Go shower or something. Dinner will be ready in ten.”
That’s when I notice Antoine curled up on the couch, a blanket wrapped around him, his knees pulled to his chest as he reads a well-worn paperback. His close-cropped curls are still damp from his shower, his skin glowing, but there’s a tired look on his face, a crease at the corners of his mouth that wasn’t there this morning.
He lifts his head to give me a small smile. “Bonjour, ma puce. How was your lesson? Liam told me Jackie requested you again today.”
I grin, recalling how well Jackie did this afternoon. The way she’d gaped when I told her she’d made it down a blue run, and then laughed, an almost hysterical laugh. The laugh of someone letting go of something only they knew they held. She’d been different after that. Lighter. Looser. Like she was finally starting to trust that she could get down the mountain.
“She’s requested me for the whole week,” I say, sinking down onto the couch beside him.
“C’est fantastique,” he murmurs, wrapping one arm around me. He presses his face to the top of my head, then lets out a trembling sigh. “I’m happy for you.”
His book is resting on his knee—a worn copy ofYou & Meby Tal Bauer.This is my comfort read, he’d told me with a self-deprecating laugh a few weeks ago, when we’d been going through his small collection of books, most in French, a few in English.If you ever see me reading this, you know I’m most likely spiraling into some pit of self-pity and despair.
My chest constricts at the sight of it, and I lean into his embrace, slipping my own arm around his waist, until the pair of us are practically sinking into the worn couch together.
“What’s going on?” I ask, my voice low. “Did something happen?”
Down the hall, Eddie and Matty argue about who gets to use the shower first, while Seth and Liam debate whether or not to add ranch dressing to the mashed potatoes, their voices joined by the clanging of pots and pans. It’s as much privacy as two people can get in a condo with six people, and there’s something soothing about knowing they’re all close by.
“Hmm.” Antoine breathes against my hair. “Oui.”
He leans back into the couch, slumping further into the cushions. The move has me slipping down beside him, my body pressing close against his own. He angles his head, giving me a sad smile. “I got a call from my mother earlier.Grand-pèredied.”
The words come out flat, almost emotionless, but there’s no mistaking the flash of pain in those green eyes, or the tremble of his lips, so close to my own.
“Oh, Antoine.” I throw myself at him, wrapping my arms around him, pulling him close. He goes stiff for a moment, like he wasn’t quite expecting the hug, and then his body relaxes against my own. “I’m so, so sorry.”
My mind rushes to thoughts of my own grandfather. The man who taught me how to play chess when I was five and never let me win, no matter how much I cried, then beamed with pride when—at ten years old—I finally beat him. The man who taught me how to negotiate with my teachers for better grades when I was in middle school, and who explained that it was more important to make a good impression the first day of school than it was to be ‘good’ the rest of the year.
“Were you close?” I ask.
His face is pressed against my neck, his breath hot against my skin. I feel him nod, then shake his head. “I… I don’t know,” he admits, voice muffled. “C’est compliqué, you know. We’d been close whenGrand-mèrewas still alive, but after she passed, he and my father had some disagreement. Something about money, I think, and my parents stopped taking me to see him. He’d still send my cards for my birthday and Christmas though, and then when I was old enough I’d just visit him on my own, at least when I was in Paris…”
I hum in understanding, then press a kiss to the top of his head, to sweet-smelling curls and the warmth ofhim. Desire curls low in my belly, an almost automatic response to the feel of Antoine against me, but I tamp it down.
“Putain,” Antoine whispers, voice like the torn edges of paper. “But I should have called him more. Should have visited him more. And now…”
He breaks off, shuddering against me, and I tighten my hold on him.
I haven’t heard from my own grandparents since I left Hawaii, not a text, not a call. I haven’t expected to—not with my parents’ deafening silence, with the thread of unanswered texts growing like a void between us. But maybe I should send Grandpa a message anyway.
“You told her, then.” Liam’s voice has me looking up, my own eyes pricking with the threat of tears. He’s looking down at Antoine, expression pinched with a strange mixture of sympathy and vulnerability, a plate of food held out in front of him. “I, uh, made you some steak. You can eat it here if you want or whatever.”
