Page 62 of The Mountain
“What? No!” Matty shakes his head. “It’s not your Christmas present…”
“Let me see that.” Eddie lunges forward, ready to tear the paper bag from Liam’s hands, but Liam dances out of reach.
Eddie rounds on Matty, brow dipping as he frowns. “Where’s my Christmas present?”
“It’s not a Christmas present,” Matty protests. He steps back, hands outstretched and open-palmed. “I just got it for Liam and Antoine after what they said happened at the store yesterday…”
Liam pulls out a box, then tosses it to Antoine with a rakish grin. Antoine catches it, his green eyes widening. “Mais…Why are they so bright?”
“Are those… flavored?” Eddie wrinkles his nose, then shakes his head.
“That’s real thoughtful, Matty.” Seth claps Matty on the shoulder. His lips quirk with mirth as his eyes dip to the box in Antoine’s hands, and he tucks his chin to his shoulder in an effort to hide his smile.
“The fuck it is,” Eddie retorts, fixing Seth with a scowl. “You know I walked in on Antoine blowing Liam the other day, right? Inmyroom, by the way. What the fuck do you think is going to happen now that they have condoms? Seriously. How many boxes did you buy them anyway?”
Matty scrubs one hand over his face, looking visibly flustered. “Well, I didn’t know what kind to get. And that creepy old man was watching me…”
Antoine laughs, a deep, rasping chuckle. It’s the first time I’ve heard him laugh since yesterday, and the sound has warmth spreading through me, like the sun when it first hits the ice. I can’t help but smile in reply.
Antoine shakes his head, then throws one arm around Matty’s broad shoulder. “Don’t ever change, Matty.” He lifts the box of brightly colored condoms, the package crinkling under his fingertips. “These are perfect. You’re perfect.”
Matty dips his chin, staring down at Antoine with a look of stunned awe, then smiles, a little half smile that has one dimple flashing as he returns Antoine’s one-sided hug.
“Can we see what’s in our stockings?” Eddie peers at the row of stockings, angling his head to try and see into them. “Which one is mine? Seeing as I missed out on getting condoms for a Christmas present.”
“It’s not a Christmas present,” Matty mumbles, just as Liam says: “Far out, you’re impatient. Stop pawing at them. You can wait until tomorrow, you heathen.”
Eddie folds his arms over his chest, his scowl looking more like a petulant pout than anything. “Fucking grinch. You better share some of those condoms with me then.”
Liam lifts one brow, paper bag crunching as he tucks it against his side. “Oh yeah? And what makes you think you’ll be in a position to use them anytime soon?”
Liam’s voice trails off, and he shoots me an almost sheepish look. Like he’s only just remembered that I would be the other person using them with Eddie. And that ultimately, the choice about what happens between us involves me too.
Eddie falls silent in an uncharacteristic show of embarrassment as his liquid brown eyes turn on me, full of silent question and apology. Ofcould we? Andmaybe? And no small amount of fear that he’s gone too far, said too much.
My breath catches in my throat, heat rushing to my face. I drop my gaze to the carpet, to where Seth’s socked feet stand close to mine, toes almost touching my own. He links his fingers with my own, squeezing my hand in silent support. I can hear the unspoken words in that gesture—the question he’s asked me so many times since I moved in.What do you want?
A few days ago, I would have said it was way too soon. That I wasn’t ready. That I’m just learning the taste of their kisses and the feel of their hands on my skin. Yesterday, when the six of us had been piled on the couch, those touches and kisses had almost been too much.
Now…
Now, I can still feel this morning’s fear echoing along my bones, like a deep chill that sinks in through all your layers and doesn’t leave. I was certain that I lost them, that I lost everything we’ve only just started building together.
I swallow, my throat aching with the memory, and I blink rapidly, tilting my head to stare up at Seth, at those clear brown eyes, so full of understanding and compassion and a longing that echoes my own.
This season will never be enough. I know that now. Can feel it alongside the ice against my bones, a steadying, almost painful certainty. These guys are it for me. Going back to Hawaii after this—going back to my old life—it would destroy something in me just as surely as that avalanche almost did.
I squeeze Seth’s hand. “I’m going to go have a shower.” I give Seth a small smile.
I don’t dare look at the others. Not right now, with this resolution forming behind my ribs, sharp and fragile as the crystalline edges of a snowflake. Not when all my thoughts are a wild, swirling blizzard, withI want to be close to them,I need them, andforever, this is foreverdancing erratically in my mind.
Seth smiles back, a lopsided hopeful grin that’s all sunlight on snow, brittle and beautiful.
“Can I come with you?” he murmurs, ducking his chin, cheeks flushing. He doesn’t drop his gaze though, doesn’t hide. Lets me see every vulnerable crack and fissure. “I want to be close to you.”
Somewhere in my mind, the snowflakes settle.
Chapter 23
