Page 75 of Aftermath
“You win this time,” I said, and I swore, Len smiled.
I couldn’t help it; my body reacted before I could even think it through. My free hand moved to grab her hand, pulling it up to my lips. I pressed a light kiss to the back of her hand, thankful she was here and safe.
“I heard them,” she whispered. “I can’t exactly remember, but I know I heard them,” she murmured as she drifted off in my lap.
“Try not to think about that,” I whispered as I went back to stroking her hair.
I continued my reading as she fell asleep. I knew the moment she was no longer awake, recognizing the deeper breaths she took and the way her head felt heavier in my lap. The cats eventually left us, but I refused to leave the couch.
I refused to take my eyes off Len until I knew she was alright. I’d pushed her to her limit, and everything in me hated me for it. The pale look on her face when I’d pulled her into my arms outside the pub would haunt me forever.
No matter how many times I told myself I was only doing this to solve the case for the FBI, it was a lie, one that was growing out of hand. I stayed for her. I continued to let her help me and piece together this case because my mind couldn’t stand the thought of sending her away.
I was breaking every possible rule. The system I believed in and followed religiously was completely disregarded.
I couldn’t face the facts.
Instead, I did the singular thing I could think of: I threw myself back into the book and pushed all those feelings back down where I wouldn’t be able to find them.
17
LENNY
I wokewith a jolt and sat up, slamming into a hard surface. My hands flew to my nose, pain spreading across it, a warm, sticky liquid now dripping down my face.
“Are you okay?” Stone said, mildly panicked. “You’re bleeding!”
I pulled my hands away from my face just long enough to see the red covering them. The blood dripped down onto the white shirt I wore. I jumped up and realized Stone held a hardcover book I must’ve hit my face on when I woke so suddenly.
He followed my line of sight.“I’m so sorry,” he said, rushing to the kitchen and coming back with a rag.
The rag replaced my hands, and I clung to it, hoping the bleeding would eventually stop. I couldn’t even recall the last time I’d given myself a bloody nose. A small laugh escaped my lips, and Stone looked even more concerned.
“Are you alright?” he asked as I nodded. “Are you laughing?”He tilted his head to read my face, but the rag kept it mostly covered.
“It’s just so absurd,” I laughed. “My whole life has been falling apart for years. I can barely remember when anything was simple enough that my worries were small, like nose bleeds or which book to read next.” My words came out nasally, my nose blocked by the rag.
Stone chuckled.“I know what you mean,” he said, sitting back down.
I noticed the way he nervously clasped his hands together, his arms tensing and the vines that wrapped up one arm more noticeable than ever.
“I don’t remember the last time I could just go to the bar and have a drink with colleagues. I don’t remember the days when I used to call my mom and sister to make sure they were doing okay without worrying they would know I’m not. And red—I can’t remember the last time I could see red and not be reminded of the death I caused.”
Death he caused…
That had to be a mistake. He was an agent, responsible for protecting people, myself included. There was no possible way…
“I don’t deserve that kindness,” he said at my confused look. “My partner is dead because of me.”
A pit formed in my stomach. He’d rarely mentioned his partner. I knew she died, but he never said more than that. The look of pain on his face was enough to make a wave of nausea wash over me, the blood still pouring from my nose not helping.
“Stone…” I tried.
“You asked why no one was looking for me,” Stone said, the pain in his eyes making my heart split in two. “A little under a year ago, my partner died in the field. We were supposed to be waiting for back up, but the unsub had taken a young girl hostage. Blythe wanted to go in. I knew the protocol, I knew our orders, but still, I considered it.”His face fell.
“Stone, you can’t blame yourself if you followed orders and didn’t follow her,” I said.
“I didn’t. I knew what the risk was, calculated everything that could go wrong, and I still followed her into that building,” he answered.
