Page 30 of Songbird
Chapter 14 -Tarrick
I stood on the dock, heart heavy, as I inspected my ship. The metal was sleek and cool under my fingertips, and normally, the idea of taking off on a new adventure—a new mission—filled me with delight. Now, the thought of leaving this place and possibly never returning caused pain like I’d never knew. But it needed to be done. I’d spoken to my brother Siemba. We both agreed that the mission to gather intel so theBardagacould launch a rescue was the perfect fodder for my reputation. It would grant me immediate access to the slave auctions and yield valuable information that would save many lives.
Still, I hesitated, unable to force myself up the lowered ramp and into the pilot’s seat.
Izzy.
My heart ached with a bittersweet agony. Leaving Izzy felt like tearing out a part of myself, leaving me broken and bleeding. She was my true mate, and being apart from her, for even the last hour, felt like going against the very laws of nature. Our last touch, our last goodbye, was bittersweet. I felt her trembling, heard the break in her voice, and saw the shimmer of wetness in her beautiful blue eyes. But she told me to go.
Maybe I was a fool to consider what happened between us anything more than the pretense it set out to be. Yet, it never felt insincere to me, not once. Every brush of our fingertips and every press of our lips together felt authentic and meaningful.Nothing in my life had ever felt as perfect as being sheathed in her small, soft body and having her fall apart in my arms.
As I stood lost in memories, I glimpsed my reflection in the sleek metal on the starboard side of my ship. The disguise I wore was all too familiar—a paunchy, a spoiled playboy. Many times, the disguise had saved my life. Now, every inch of it repulsed me. The carefully constructed façade that allowed me to blend in with the criminal and wealthy elite alike felt foreign and uncomfortable, like wearing someone else’s skin. A sense of unease settled in my stomach as I stared at myself, the feeling hot and thick and growing with every breath until, unable to stand it a moment longer, I slammed my fist into the reflection. My tail followed suit, smacking out an angry tenor against the side of the ship.
“Since when did denting one’s ship count as pre-flight maintenance?”
Praxxan sidled up beside me, arms crossed over his chest as he inspected the deep crease I’d put in the side of my ship. I wanted to punch him, too.
“What do you want, Praxxan? I’m about to take off.”
The only move my brother made was to shift his gaze to mine. “I would like the truth, little brother.”
“Truth, what truth?” I demanded, turning to glare at him. My hands clenched into fists at my side. I really wanted to punch him... or anybody.
“First off, we’ll start with why you punched your ship.” Praxxan leaned his back against said ship, eyeing me curiously. “Not the action of a male who truly wants to leave, in my opinion.”
I growled at him. “Ihaveto leave. You heard Siemba. They need me to gather intel so theBardagacan step in and break up the slave hold.”
“Yes, they need you,” Praxxan concurred, his mouth flipping into a sad smile. “Someone will always need you. But do youwantto leave?”
I leaned against the side of my ship, the anger leaving me in a breath, replaced by resignation and heartache. “What choice do I have?”
“You always have a choice, little brother.”
Praxxan’s gaze locked with mine, holding just the slightest hint of mystery.
My breath left me with a heavy sigh. It was too late, but I wanted to know. “When you told Ambassador Mukhal about my tail, did you lie?”
“No.” Praxxan’s dark gaze softened. “But I keep wondering why you did.”
“I did not lie to Izzy... ever.” Every word I said to her had been the truth, except for our goodbye. I hadn’t wanted to say it. I didn’t want to leave.
“No,” Praxxan mused. “You just didn’t mention experiencing the one thing that signifies a true mating for Stranac males. Why?”
It was a question I’d asked myself a million times. “I don’t know. At first, I thought my reputation might be an issue. Izzy wasn’t looking for a mate. All she wanted was to be safe from Kayzon.” I shrugged, content knowing that at least we’d accomplished that. “After we grew closer, I wanted to tell her but didn’t know how to admit I’d been hiding it.”
Praxxan’s large hand settled on my shoulder, giving a squeeze. “One thing I’ve learned about Earth women is they can be pretty forgiving.”
“What about Siemba?” I mulled, twisting the idea in my brain. “If I take Izzy as my mate, truly, it will destroy my cover as a playboy and my career as a spy.”
“Most likely.” Praxxan’s other hand came to rest atop my other shoulder. “But like me, Siemba loves you and wants nothing more than for you to be happy.” His gaze narrowed on mine. “Would it make you happy? To walk away and devote yourself to Izzy?”
“It has made me happy,” I admitted hoarsely. “Happier than I’ve ever been.”
“Then why did you let her go? Why were you willing to leave?” The incredulousness in my brother’s voice made me grimace.
“You saw Izzy when we planned ourbreak-up. She did not seem that upset. Shetoldme to leave.”
A loud snort boomed from Praxxan, echoing about the dock. “I worry mating has made your senses dull, brother. Did you not hear the female sobbing after she left our apartment?”
