Page 10 of The Hellcat Barbies: Aubree
“I wasn’t going to have a baby and depend on anyone that wasn’t the person that got me pregnant! What part of that don’t you understand?”
“Fuck it. I’m not talking about the shit anymore. At least I know the truth. It is what it is.”
I turned to grab the door handle.
“Brasi,” Aubree’s voice cracked, and I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see her cry, but she didn’t get to make me feel bad for her when I was the one that was angry.
“I’m sorry. I should have told you, but like I said, Brianna thinks I’m her Godmother. She thinks her father is my aunt’s late husband. He passed last year. I wasn’t sure if you’d be satisfied with just pictures and occasional updates.”
I turned around and faced Aubree. “It’s all good. You handled it how you saw fit. Shit was thick back then, and we all had to do what made life easier for us. I’m glad that shorty is with someone that loves her and is taking good care of her.”
With that, I left the house. The chapter of my life that had Aubree in it was officially over, and I needed to get that shit through my head.
CHAPTER 5
AUBREE
The dayafter Brasi confronted me, I drove to Golden Waters with a heavy heart and a pounding headache. After he showed up at my house, I wasn’t able to get back to sleep. I was spending the day in Golden Waters, and the following day, The Hellcat Barbies and I were linking for brunch at a popular restaurant. There were a few street races going on later that night. I needed to clean my car. I needed to do a lot of shit including getting some sleep, but I had promised Brianna that I would come visit her and bring her some clothes and shoes. She was going to be starting kindergarten soon, and I was the cool God mom that spoiled her and bought her everything she wanted.
When my aunt first took her, I wasn’t sure I’d make it. There were days that I didn’t get out of bed. Depression coupled with guilt kicked my ass. Numerous times a day I contemplated calling my aunt and telling her I made a mistake, but she’d spent eight months getting ready for Brianna. She was never able to get pregnant, and her and her husband couldn’t afford fertility treatments. When she begged me not to get an abortion, I felt I would have been a monster to go through with it, but no matter how stressful I knew being a single parent would be, I became attached to the child growing inside my belly.
I was so conflicted and confused. I already felt like the scum of the earth for giving my child away. Then I had to factor in keeping it a secret from Brasi. It was all too much, and my bitch of a sister did what I was too afraid to do, and now Brasi hated me. I shouldn’t care if he hated me. If I was being honest, I should hate him. But I didn’t. When he glared at me with disgust on his face, my heart broke into a million pieces.
Way too many passes had been given to my sister. If I laid eyes on her any time soon, I might slap the taste out of her mouth. She hadn’t even reached out to me to ask how I was doing since getting shot because a dummy thought I was her. We looked exactly alike, but we couldn’t have been more different. There were times I literally referred to her as my evil twin. The cat was out of the bag, and Brasi knew about Brianna. Even if he hated me at least I could release the weight of the guilt that I’d been carrying for six years.
When I arrived at my aunt’s house, her and Brianna were in the backyard. Brianna was in the kiddie pool that my aunt bought her. I knew Brianna was the reason my aunt didn’t lose her mind after her husband died. Brianna had brought so much joy into her life, and that made me feel slightly less guilty about giving Brianna to her, but it still hurt. Especially since Brianna was the spitting image of Brasi. The red hair and the skin tone. I couldn’t look at her without thinking of him.
“Hi, Aubree,” Brianna squealed as she splashed water.
“Hi, Pretty Girl. I got you the clothes and shoes that I promised.” I always went overboard with gifts for Brianna because of my guilt.
I loved shopping for her, so it was easy to do too much. I purchased more than ten outfits, a coat, bookbag, socks, and three pairs of shoes.
“Can I look at them when I get out of the pool?”
“Of course you can. I’ll take them in the house.”
Inside my aunt’s house, I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the pain in my chest. Brasi wouldn’t get to know that smile and that voice. After inhaling a deep breath through my nose and exhaling slowly through my mouth, I went back outside.
“What’s wrong?” my aunt was studying me the way she usually did.
I chuckled because no matter how much I tried to pretend things were okay, she always knew when something was wrong with me. Just like she knew I was pregnant after only being around me for twenty minutes. She could read me better than my own mother.
“Autumn told Brasi about Brianna, and he’s pissed. Like real pissed.”
“I don’t know why that girl does the things she does. It wasn’t her place to tell him that.”
“She was wrong, but I was too. I should have told him. I could have written him a letter. I had six years to tell him.”
“Beating yourself up about it won’t help. I know you had second thoughts about giving Brianna up. You were confused and emotional, wondering if you did the right thing. I get it. All I can do is say thank you for not getting an abortion and for giving me the chance to be a mother. You are a good person you just went about things the wrong way. We’ve all made mistakes.”
My emotions were all over the place. Maybe I could give Brasi time to calm down and then try to talk to him. Fuck! Why did I even care if he was upset with me? Forcing thoughts of Brasi into the back of my mind, I stood up and went over to the pool. I was there to spend time with Brianna not dwell on the past.
The next day at brunch, I took a large sip of my Mimosa and bobbed my head to the song that was playing throughout the restaurant. I was still in my feelings about the situation with Brasi, but I had to let that shit go.
“You racing tonight, Aubree?” Zora asked as I put my camera in my purse. I hadn’t created any content since before I got shot, and I had to get back on my shit. After all, creating content was how I paid my bills.
“Yeah, I’m gonna do a little something.” The best way to get out of my feelings was to get on some dare devil type shit. I needed an adrenaline rush, or I was going to continue to be in my feelings.
