Page 50 of My Secret Duke
She had a dramatic turn of phrase, but Ivo understoodwhat she meant.
“When I go home, I expect I will be thrown into his company again. He is a neighbor, so I cannot avoid him,” she added with a sigh. “I am hoping that if I treat him as if he were any other casual acquaintance, it will become the truth.”
“Does he feel no guilt for the way he has treated you?” Ivo asked softly.
“He’s head over heels in love. With somebody else. He told me he didn’t understand what love was until then.”
Love.It was an emotion Ivo had not believed in before Olivia, and he still wasn’t sure that was what he felt for her. At first, he had thought it an infatuation, a longing for the company of someone like-minded, and he had mourned the loss of her. Lately, being her friend seemed to be enough, although if he were honest, when she was not at the same entertainment as himself, he felt a degree of disappointment that seemed out of all proportion. As if she held his happiness in her smile. As if she held his heart in the palm of her hand.
The realization gave him a nasty shock. Maybe he and “poor Daphne” made a good pair after all!
Just then, Adelina called to Daphne to join her and mediate on some point of fashion. Ivo looked about for Harold, hoping for a distraction from his thoughts, but his cousin was in serious discussion with the viscount and the prince. Harold would have to learn about horses if he was to hold his own there. Maybe there was an equine instruction manual at his publishing house? The Dowager Duchess of Grantham’s head was nodding as she sat in the most comfortable chair in the room, not quite snoring but almost.
And Olivia?
She had tucked herself away at the piano, although she was not playing. Could she play? Ivo knew if he was falling in love with her, then he should stay away, but as was often the case with self-destructive behavior, the tug of his feelings was too strong. Besides, what had Miss Fenwick just said?If I treat him as if he were any other casual acquaintance, it will become the truth.He would have a word or two with Olivia, and then leave her be. Surely there could be no harm in that? A polite word, that was all.
If he could do that and walk away, then he could continue to be her friend without hurt to himself, or to her. Ivo took a breath, set his shoulders, and strolled toward the piano.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Olivia was out of sorts. Not that she wasn’t happy for Annette and Harold, who seemed ridiculously in love, and no doubt planning their next romance novel—although hopefully they would keep Vivienne out of it. She was happy for them because happiness seemed in short supply in the world she lived in, and it was good to see that some people at least could capture that elusive emotion.
And yet she felt restless and irritable.
She could not complain about her time in London so far. She had had invitations, and she was grateful. And she had played her part, pretending to be perfectly at ease despite sometimes encountering knowing looks and spiteful whispers. She had wanted to complete her Season, and she was accomplishing that. It would be better once Justina could accompany her, but that would not happen until her sister was “out.” Not long now though. The preparations were in place, which was why their grandmother was so tired she was asleep in the Monteiths’ armchair. Felicia had not lifted a finger to help, but sadly, none of her daughters were surprised by that.
Olivia sat down at the piano and wished she could play. Perhaps music would have been a solace at a time like this. But she had never learned, none of them had, and it wasn’t one of the things Vivienne or her grandmother could fix without a lot of practice. At least after Vivienne’s lessons, Olivia could truthfully say shepainted… “a little.”
The cozy murmur of Ivo’s tête-à-tête with Miss Fenwick had reached her even here. Olivia had thought the piano would be far enough away, but perhaps her ears were attuned to his voice. Adelina had said Miss Fenwick was an old school friend, but from the way Ivo’s mother was watching her son and the girl, Olivia thought she was hoping something more would develop between them.
Which was why she was over here at the piano. She had discovered she could not abide the thought of Ivo falling in love with a woman who wasn’t her. This realization had not happened in a heartbeat. It was something that had been growing inside her for some time. She knew her jealousy was at odds with everything that Olivia had mapped out for her future, but she couldn’t help it. Since their first meeting at her coming-out when she had fallen under his spell, their relationship had been like a golden light in a dark room, and she a very foolish moth. Even when she clearly saw all of his faults, there was a strong attraction between them. A closeness and understanding she had felt for no other man. Now, despite the changes she had been through, the growing up she had done, she was still aware of his allure. And they were friends again, and that was a wonderful thing, and she should want him to find someone who could make him happy. But she didn’t. Seeing him smiling and whispering with Miss Fenwick did not give her an ounce of pleasure.
Was Miss Fenwick to be the next Duchess ofNortham? Perhaps Olivia really was the horrible person her sisters thought her to be, if she preferred Ivo to be miserable like her rather than find contentment with another woman. Because shewasmiserable. Miserable at the very thought of being married to Mr. Scott or some other suitable gentleman, while forever yearning for Ivo.
Scars from her unhappy childhood had driven her to seek security and stability, and yet the idea of being held hostage to her past, as if she was some sort of martyr, was equally appalling. Olivia had been searching for her path in life, and she had thought she’d found it. A sensible path. A boring path. Marry Mr. Scott or someone like him and go quietly into domestic drudgery. She’d be able to help her sisters, but it turned out they didn’t want her help. Even Gabriel had advised her against marrying someone she didn’t love, and he should know.
Acknowledging the truth of her feelings, of her nature, was an immense relief. She knew that eventually, some wealthy gentleman would come along, and she would not be able to find fault with him, and she would probably have to marry him. Ivo might be married by then too, to some rich miss. But that was in the future, and right now, she needed to be herself again. The girl Ivo had told her he knew so well…
“Are you going to play a tune?”
That familiar voice made Olivia jump. She took a shaky breath, ignoring the flutter in her chest. He couldn’t read her mind, could he? “Unfortunately, no,” she said calmly, resting her fingers on the keys. “What about you, Northam? Can you play?”
Ivo shrugged. “A little,” he said, which made her laugh. “What?” he demanded, and this time, she did look.His green eyes were sparkling, and his lips were curled in a mocking little smile above his smoothly shaven jaw and his perfectly tied cravat.
“You can’t play at all, can you?” she said.
He shrugged. “No, not a single note. My sisters can, but I never learned. And before you say it, yes, I was too busy riding horses and racing my curricle.”
Olivia shook her head. “What is this fascination with horses? I will never understand it.”
Ivo followed her glance to the prince and his two companions. “Harold can sympathize with you, I think. You will have to ask Roberta to teach you so that you can hold your own.”
“What if I don’t want to?” Olivia retorted. “Big, smelly beasts liable to nip your fingers even when you are handing them a juicy apple. Not that I am afraid of them,” she denied quickly.
“Ah.” He didn’t appear to know what to say to that. He glanced back toward the others, and Olivia wondered if he was keen to return to Miss Fenwick. The thought made her prattle on, just to keep him by her side.
“Roberta seems very fond of them. Horses, I mean. Whenever she is melancholy, she goes out riding and comes back in a better mood. Justina is the same with her books. Edwina with her dolls. I wish there was something I looked forward to.” Her voice drifted off.
