Page 37 of Austin
Chapter Eight
Kristen stared atAustin for a long moment. She could still feel the pressure of his lips on hers, could stilltastehim. It’d shocked her when he’d leaned in and kissed her, but shock had quickly turned to desire, fueled in part by the hot, disturbing dream she’d had the night before. A dream she could have made a reality by simply crossing the space between their beds.
Why hadn’t she crossed?
Fear of rejection. Fear that they weren’t on the same page.
Fear was a tough bitch to deal with, but then he’d kissed her, making her realize that her time with him was short, and that she wanted to do what other women did—to go after what she wanted in the personal realm instead of overthinking everything. The sense of freedom and empowerment she’d had since waking up with Austin in the Nevada desert had been growing—was still growing. She wasn’t exactly kicking butt and taking names, but she was able to look him square in the eye and say, “I have some social issues, but I can handle life. I can deal with a few bumps and bruises. A scar or two.”
“Maybe I can’t.”
Somehow that didn’t ring true. “You were the one who made comments about not sharing beds unless both parties were agreeable.”
“Both parties, Kristen.”
Rejection.
And itwasa bitch.
She tilted her chin up, her fingers digging into her palms under the table. She was in too deep to retreat now. There was no way she was coming out of this situation with her pride intact, so she forged on.
“Here’s the thing, Austin…it isn’t like I chose to be attracted to you, but I am.” Her cheeks started to burn, but she was a woman on a mission. “And you kissed me as if you didn’t find me lacking.” He’d held back in the elevator. She’d been more than aware, and had held back herself, letting him lead the way, even though she’d wanted to melt into him.
She pulled a hand out from under the table and jabbed a finger into the Formica between them. “If you’re worried aboutme, you need to stop now. If you’re worried about yourself, that’s acceptable.”
“I’mnottaking advantage of you while you’re on the road with me. That wasn’t what I had in mind when I said I’d help you break free.”
Her gaze went cold. “Take advantage of me?”
He shrugged.
“I think about you being naked, Austin.” Had dreamed about him and woken up feeling damp and frustrated. His eyes narrowed ever so slightly, as if he wasn’t sure if she was kidding or not, and she fought to hold his very blue gaze. “I’m not saying I’m ready to tumble into bed at this very moment, but…I think about you naked.”
“That’s direct.”
“That’s honest,” she said in a low voice. “We agreed to be honest.” One of his ground rules. “And in case you’re wondering, yes, I’m dying a thousand deaths inside.”
“Good to know.”
“I understand if you’re not ready to make a move, butyouneed to own that. Not pass it off onto me.”
“I feel like I’m standing in the hallway in front of your locker.”
It took her a second to get his drift. “I have a hard time saying things sometimes, but it doesn’t mean I can’t do it.”
“Obviously.”
“It costs me.” Total truth.
He studied his hands, which were loosely clasped around his mug of untouched coffee. He frowned a little. “Think about me naked, huh?”
She gave a shrug, thankful that it came off as casual instead of a jerky up and down motion. “You are well built.”
He gave a considering nod. “I’m not starting anything I don’t feel good about. You aren’t going to be my one-night stand.”
If she’d walked into a brick wall, it wouldn’t have felt more solid than the rejection she’d just received. Perhaps this was why she never hung herself out there before. There was so much opportunity for failure, and she’d never handled failure well. On the other hand, she was at the point now where she had nothing to lose.
“I’m not looking for a commitment, Austin. I’m looking for an adventure.”
