Page 58 of Certified Pressure 2
The TSA line wasn’t too long, but standing there gave me plenty of time to think. My heart raced the closer I got to the checkpoint. I kept running over what I was about to do, wondering how it would feel to finally show up for Pressure, not just in words but in action.
When it was my turn, I handed the agent my ID and boarding pass. He glanced at them, gave me a quick nod, and waved me through. I slipped off my shoes, dropped my bag and laptop into the gray plastic bins, and pushed them onto the conveyor belt. Walking barefoot through the scanner felt like the most vulnerable part of the whole process, but I lifted my arms and did it anyway.
Once I collected my things and slid my shoes back on, I made my way toward my gate. The walk took me past little shops selling snacks, neck pillows, and overpriced headphones. But I didn’t stop. My mind wasn’t on any of that. My mind was on Pressure, and how in just a few hours I’d be boarding a plane that would take me back to him.
The terminal was half full when I got there, people scattered in chairs with their bags at their feet. I found a seat near the window, set my bag beside me, and pulled out my phone again. Ihad two hours until boarding, and until I was one step closer to standing in front of Pressure again.
I stared out at the runway, watching planes lift into the sky, their engines roaring. I wished I felt certain about what I was walking into, but all I had was this mix of fear and hope twisting inside me.
I thought about the look on Pressure’s face the last time he saw me. He didn’t ask me to come. He didn’t even hint at it. But I couldn’t let that be the reason I stayed away. I knew what I felt. I knew what I wanted. I was done running, and making excuses.
My phone buzzed in my hand with a text from Aunt Dee:Zurie is resting. Don’t worry about her. Just focus on where you’re going.
I exhaled and typed back,I will. Love you.
Leaning back in the chair, I let the noise of the airport wrap around me. People’s conversations floated through the air, some about vacations, others about business trips. Nobody knew the war going on in my chest. Nobody knew how much I was risking by chasing after love that might not want me back the way I wanted it.
But none of that mattered.
I was on my way to get my man, and prayed he would accept me.
Trill-Land, Jungle Estate
Today I was ‘bout to send Ka’mari home, and to be honest, this was the hardest shit I was about to do.
I had been pacin’ in my office all mornin’, tryna line my head up with my heart, but the two wasn’t agreeing. Renza was leaned back in one of the leather chairs, smoke curlin’ up from his blunt, and Blaqson was standin’ near the wall with his arms crossed, quiet like he was waitin’ on me to explode. I kept lookin’ around the room though, my mind stuck on somethin’ else.
“Where the fuck Lo at?” I asked finally, squintin’ like maybe I was missin’ somethin’.
Renza shrugged without movin’ much. “Nigga said he was goin’ outta town for a few days. That’s all he said.”
I stared at him for a beat, then glanced at Blaqson, but he just shook his head like he ain’t have nothin’ to add. Normally I would press the shit harder, but my chest was too heavy with the shit I had to handle today. Kay’Lo would turn up when he felt like it, and whatever he had goin’ on wasn’t bigger than what I was about to do.
I pulled out my desk drawer and reached inside, my hand closin’ around a cream-colored box. Just feelin’ the weight of it had my pulse thumpin’ like a bitch. I flipped it open, and the diamond inside caught the light like fire. That shit was blinding. It was the kind of ring that could change a whole life.
“Goddamn,” Blaqson muttered under his breath, his eyes locked on the stone.
Renza leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. “Pressure, you dead ass about this? Like, for real?”
I nodded slow, my eyes still on the ring. “Yeah. I’m dead ass. Kashmere been patient with me in ways I didn’t even think she could. When I told her we needed to fall back on sex, she ain’t trip. She ain’t throw a tantrum. She just started steppin’ up in other ways, like communicating, showin’ up, bein’ present. She gave me somethin’ different. And I can’t act like I don’t see it. I’m tired of puttin’ her before everybody else. She might be crazy, but she love a nigga.”
Renza rubbed his chin. “I hear you, but you sure this the move you wanna make? Don’t get caught up in what sound right and end up missin’ what feel right.”
“Yeah,” Blaqson said, still eyein’ the ring like it was hypnotizing him. “We gon’ ride with whatever you choose, bro, but don’t half-step with it. If you gon’ do this, be all the way in.”
I shut the box and slipped it into my pocket.
The elevator ride down with Renza and Blaqson was quiet, but in my head, shit was loud. I kept seein’ Ka’mari’s face and kept hearin’ her laugh, but rememberin’ all the fucked up nightswe survived together. But I also saw Kashmere, patient and smilin’, waitin’ for me to choose her. It felt like I was about to cut my own heart open either way.
When the doors opened to the foyer, both of them was standin’ there—Ka’mari and Kashmere…
They had their bags packed at their feet, both of them dressed like they knew today was the day. They looked beautiful, but it wasn’t the kind of beauty you just admire—it was the kind that made your chest ache because you knew you couldn’t have it both ways.
I called Ka’mari first.
She walked over slow, her heels clickin’ against the marble, her lips pressed tight. Her hands trembled just enough for me to notice, and her eyes were already wet. When she stopped in front of me, I did somethin’ I hadn’t done in a long time. I gave her a real kiss. Not because I felt like I had to or ‘cause I felt sorry for her, but because I wanted to give her that one real goodbye.
When I pulled back, my hands stayed on her face. “Ka’mari… what we had was special. Don’t ever think it wasn’t. The years we put in meant somethin’ to me, but it was built off pain and obsession. I been holdin’ onto you ‘cause of our son, and ‘cause I ain’t wanna let him go. But the truth is, we not healthy for each other.”
