Page 15 of Unkindness of Crimson Ravens
“I understand.” Florence dropped her hand and gave me the kindest smile I’ve seen in my life. “You surely hate me right now,” she laughed again. “That’s okay. I just want to let you know that no one here wishes you harm,” she added quietly.
My breathing deepened as a new wave of panic washed over me, though there was part of me that was relieved by her presence. I was glad it was her sitting here, and not the man I have seen earlier, or worse—Francis. Though, I could not help but to feel anger towards her all the same. Telling me the sweet lies—that I desperately wanted to believe—of me being safe here, and I hated her for it, regardless of how nice she seemed. I could not trust anyone here: Florence was no different.
Florence played with the sleeves of her yellow dress, while I waited patiently for whatever irritatingly joyful thing she would say next: but she didn't say anything.
After a few very awkward moments of silence, Florence finally took a deep breath, getting up from the bed. “Well, all right then. I shall take my leave now. Let me know if you need anything, my room is at the end of the hallway,” she said smiling, as she started towards the door. “Rest.”
This might be my only chance.
I had to know.
“Wait.” I said, surprising myself at my own bravery.
Florence turned, her smile even brighter than before—if that was even possible. Fear overwhelmed me, but I had to ask; even if I knew the answer already.
“What am I doing here? When can I leave?”
Florence’s lips turned into a thin line. “Francis is trying to help you.” She said, “You need rest.”
“No.” I shook my head, squeezing the blanket in my hands. “I need to go home!” My voice broke on the last word. “My siblings need me—”
“I’m sorry.” Florence whispered. If I didn’t know better, I would have assumed it was pity in her soft voice. “You cannot go back to your human family, Cordelia. They will kill you the moment they figure out what you are.”
As if the ground broke into two, capturing me, trapping me in its depths, depriving me of light and freedom, I was falling. “No. I—”
“I am very sorry, Cordelia.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, putting all of my remaining strength towards holding back my tears. I would not cry in front of her. I closed my eyes tightly, as if I could disappear from reality by doing so.
The sound of the door creaking shut reached my ears, and I slid back under the covers when quiet tears fell hard from my eyes.
It had been foolish to give myself false hope, but I did all the same. I’d known what had happened to me the moment I’d been bitten. I’d known, yet still had believed, still had hoped for a different outcome.
A fool. I was just a fool.
A princess knows to keep her emotions to herself.A fool! I’d gone to the cemetery at night, at night and all by myself. What had I been thinking? A fool! I’d ran to the woods like a chi—
A fool!
I should've known better. I did know better!
My chest rose and fell, though I could not feel the air inside of me. My throat closed off, as though an invisible rope was tied around my neck; I could not breath. My hands flew towards the rope, trying to free myself, but they were met with nothingness.
I didn’t bother keeping my sobs quiet anymore. I cared not how weak and uncollected I seemed. How very Royal of me.A princess controls her emotions.
My sobs grew louder and louder, echoing through the stone walls. My hands turned into fists, my nails dug into my skin deeper and deeper with each tear that fell. The pain in my heart and stomach had nothing to do with my physical condition anymore, this was what heartbreak felt like. I knew it, I remembered it.
I watched my palms go red, blood slowly dripped onto the bed. My breathing labored as the memories of the pain Timothy inflicted on me flashed through my mind.
My jaw clenched at the memory of my mother ignoring my pleas, still forcing me into marrying him.
My eyes saw red at the idea of my dearest sister, Sandra, suffering the same fate and I would not be able to be there to stop it, to save her.
My breathing became rapid when I stared at the barely visible bite through the tears. I was no longer myself, ifmyselfeven ever existed. Everything I knew was gone, and so was everyone I loved. I was gone. There was no turning back from it, I knew that. I’d studied plenty, there was no cure, no salvation, just death.
Brian and Father had lost their lives, protecting us from these horrible creatures, protecting me. They had been brutally killed by one of them, and I’d sworn that day I would not let their sacrifice go to waste. I’d sworn to hate these gruesome beasts. I’d sworn and became one of them.
I had failed them.
