Page 117 of Slow Heat
Jason felt lightheaded, but he couldn’t seem to move or do anything other than stare at Vale as he talked on and on and on about this horrible thing that Jason didn’t want to know.
“I confided in Yosef and Rosen, of course. They’re the ones who’d found me in that broken down hovel, still wet with blood and come. They’d looked for me for days, scared that I’d been brutalized or murdered.” Vale’s voiced cracked. “I owe them everything for keeping my secrets.”
Jason’s gut churned.
“I knew I had a limited amount of time if I wanted to terminate the pregnancy. I confided in an omega friend of mine from school. It’d been rumored he’d experienced a similar event around an unexpected heat. That’s when I met Urho Chase.” Vale lifted his chin. “Ididn’tmeet him on campus like I’ve let Yosef and Rosen believe. My omega friend referred me to him. You see, Urho had helped him once and, when I needed him most, he helped me, too.”
“Urho?”
“Performed the abortion. Yes. That’s how I came to know him and how he agreed to help me deal with future heats. Rosen and Yosef don’t know he’s the doctor who helped me. Until now, it’s been Urho’s and my secret.”
Jason’s mind spun, trying to process everything. “You aborted the baby?”
“Yes. It didn’t go smoothly. Urho did his best, but I started seizing from a reaction to the anesthesia. His hand slipped, and he cut me badly. As the seizure went on, I start hemorrhaging and nearly died. He saved me. But the result is that scar tissue in my colon…my birth canal. That’s what you felt the other day with your fingers.”
Jason swallowed hard.
“I can’t bear a child, Jason. Like your pater, in all likelihood I’d die.” A bitter smile twisted Vale’s beautiful mouth. “And call me selfish, but I’m not about to sacrifice myself for you. And I won’t let you share my fate. You’re a good man, you’ve done nothing wrong, and you’ll make a wonderful father. You deserve a family. You should take a surrogate.”
Jason shook his head, tongue numb and irresponsive.
Vale smiled tenderly, one hand reaching toward Jason but not touching. “You won’t feel for him the same way you feel for me, but he’ll be young and able—no,eager—to bear several children. And a surrogate omega can help you overcome the longing you’ll have for me, and, if you choose wisely, you could be his salvation, too.”
“How?”
Vale took another step forward. Tears welled in his eyes. “You could contract with a young widower, for example, and help him through his grief. You could helpeach other. And I’d be free to carry on as I did before. The way I prefer.” Tears spilled over as Vale said, “And that’s what I truly want, Jason. I won’t sign a contract with you. It will be a mercy for everyone.”
Jason’s vision swarmed with small black dots as Vale stalked out of the room. Gulping air, Jason tried to breathe, but still the room spun. As the darkness got the better of him, he collapsed to sit on the floor. There he stayed—unable to fathom the stunning vacancy in his heart where so recently joy had lived.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
“He left you?That makes no sense!” Xan blew across the top of his mug of hot apple cider and then took a careful sip. “Are you sure that’s what he wanted? Maybe you were supposed to chase after him, like in those romance books betas and omegas like to read.”
“I’m sure,” Jason said dully. His drink was a foamy one, the coffee shop’s daily special. He didn’t know what flavor it was supposed to be; he’d been so distracted when ordering it. He poked a knife at the flower the barista had drawn in the foam, disrupting it and sending it into a meaningless swirl resembling the mess of his mind.
“I don’t know,” Xan said. “Like I said, it doesn’t make sense. He was lucky to have you.” He glanced over the rim of his cup with heat in his eyes. “Really lucky.” He shoved his hair off his forehead and shrugged. “Something else is going on. He doesn’treallywant you to take a surrogate. No omega wants theirÉrosgápeto do that.”
Jason hadn’t told Xan all the things Vale had said. He’d never betray Vale’s confidence like that, but right now he wanted to. He wanted to lay it all out and have his best friend tell him what to think and feel and do. He wanted Xan to tell him how to salvage it.
“What if…” Jason trailed off.
“What?”
“This is purely hypothetical, of course.”
“Right.” Xan’s eyes narrowed, smarter than his grades gave him credit for. “Hypothetically then, what if, what?”
“What if the reason he doesn’t want to be with me is because hedoeswant to be with me?”
“That’s what I just said. He wants you to chase after him. Omegas love to be courted. Maybe you didn’t do enough to woo him.”
“No, not like that.” Jason growled in frustration. “What if he wants me to be happy and he truly believes I won’t be happy with him.”
“Oh.” Xan frowned, sipping his drink. “Well, he might be right. I mean, like I said from the beginning, he’s—”
“If you say ‘used up’, wolf-god help me, Xan, I will punch you right here and now.” Jason had been inside Vale and he wouldn’t let that beautiful experience be cheapened. “There is no way for a human being to be ‘used up’. Omegas aren’t like pencil erasers—only so many uses before they’re done.”
“That was an asshole thing for me to say,” Xan agreed. “Sometimes I’m like that. I can’t help it. Especially when it comes to you, and, unlike your omega, I’m not selfless in my feelings, okay? If you told me right now that you wanted to start up again, I’d be ready for that.”
