Page 15 of Slow Heat
“Imprinting isn’t love at first sight, but it’s close.Érosgápeis what happens after, when you’ve signed the contract, consummated, and learned who the other person really is. Or, in some cases, when the contract draws out,Érosgápecan happen over the courtship time, which, in your case, I encourage you to make as long as possible. Give the kid time to grow up and make smart choices with his brain, not dumb choices with his dick.”
“Are you calling me a dumb choice?”
“I’m calling this a complicated situation that jumping your bones won’t solve.”
“Fair enough.” Vale sighed, placed the poker back into the fireplace utensil holder, and finally sat down on the sofa. The fire had warmed the leather so that it felt cozy against his back. “Another word for love, huh? Why did we create a different one? Wasn’t love enough?”
“Nah. Love’s a lot of things. Hell, you and I love each other, even if we have no instinctual urge to bond. And you loved your parents and you love your ugly cat.” He nodded toward the ball of silver fur beneath Vale’s desk where Zephyr slept—very much beautiful and entirely female, as only non-human creatures still were. “ButÉrosgápeis forever and it’s written into law. When you’reÉrosgápe, it’s love at a new level, a new, unbreakable permanence. But there’s no click or sudden shift for omegas. It creeps up on them until they realize, damn it all, I’d die for him. Not just theoretically, but actually. Both alphas and omegas would tear out their guts for the other and put them on a platter if it meant their partner’s life and happiness.”
Vale closed his eyes. “My pater died trying to save my father from being run down by a fire truck. It hit them both.” He’d never told Urho that before. He’d only said his parents had died in an accident. Urho, experienced with grief, had accepted that as enough. “But he’d have done the same for me. The love can’t be that different.”
“I don’t have more words to help you understand,” Urho said thickly. “It’s different than any other love, it’s instinct-driven, and it’s coded into law. It’s physical and it’s spiritual. That’s why it needed a word. When you’ve experienced it, you’ll know. It’s slow and sudden all at once.”
“Do you feelmoreafterward?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you feel more whole?”
“Ha.” He swirled his drink and took a large swallow. “No. It’s more like walking around all the time fully aware of your deficit and greedily hungering to fill it with yourÉrosgápe, but never fully accomplishing a melding of souls. But you come so close during heat and breeding that it’s like heaven for hours at a time.”
Vale poked at the fire and asked the question he’d held back for years. “How did Riki die?”
Urho stilled, and for a long moment Vale thought he wouldn’t answer. “Miscarriage. The child was quite far along. Malformed with a large head. The babe wouldn’t come free. Riki hemorrhaged to death. I couldn’t stop it.”
Vale shuddered at the burden Urho must carry. “I’m sorry.”
“Birth is always dangerous for an omega. No matter their age. When I was a full-time medic, I saw plenty of omega births go the wrong way. And when I volunteer in the slums now, I see all kinds of outcomes.”
“I don’t know how you do it. How do you stand to see so much gore and death?”
“Birth is beautiful when it goes well. And when it doesn’t go well, I’m needed.” Urho shrugged. “Like I said, it’s always dangerous for omegas. I can’t turn my back on that. What would Riki’s life be worth if I didn’t try to help?”
Vale’s heart warmed, and he swallowed down a lump in his throat.
Urho went on, “Omega bodies were created, not by wolf-god like the holy books say, but by humans. Had the divine had a hand in it, no doubt he’d have made omega bodies more durable and childbirth easier. Your hips aren’t wide enough for large babies to pass through easily. And the rectum has a terrible tendency to tear. And then it’s all too common for an omega to go septic.
“The odds of a healthy live birth for you at your age and with your scar tissue are a bit terrifying to consider. Especially if you don’t induce early, as I suggested.”
Vale’s heart clenched, even though he knew it was true. “Tell it like it is, Urho. Spare no thought for my feelings.”
“I spare plenty of thoughts for your feelings, my friend. It’s your life I’m frightened for, and I don’t know if that young alpha will understand the loss to the world at large if you were to die in childbirth.”
“So dramatic. The world won’t miss my little poems.”
“Dammit, I meant your friends and students missing their friend and teacher. But when it comes to your poetry, of course the world would lose out. Your poetry is the highest expression of what it is to be human, Vale. Don’t underplay its importance.”
“You’re so in love with me.” Vale laughed. “Don’t deny it. Not asÉrosgápe, obviously, but as something deeper than a friend. No one who wasn’t in love with me would feel so passionately about my scribbles. And, yes, I share your attachment after all these years. But seriously, Urho? My poems are just one of thousands, if not millions, of so-called ‘high expressions of humanity’. The man studying the ‘language’ of woodland rats, spending years on his stomach with a tiny microphone hoping to make sense of their chatter, is every bit wildly, deeply human as the idiot in his study making words fit together prettily by night and by day teaching students not to slaughter basic grammar. Probably more so.”
“Promise me you won’t contract with this child without showing him your poems, and if he doesn’t appreciate them, if he can’t see their value, don’t give yourself over to him. Refuse. Say the terms aren’t tolerable. It’s your right by law.”
The idea of showing the vibrant young alpha who’d accosted him in the library his poems seemed absurd, more absurd somehow than contracting with and fucking him. Maybe that was what Urho meant about the bonding ofÉrosgápebeing slower than the instinctive imprinting between omega and alpha.
“Promise,” Urho urged again.
“I love you, too, dear friend.” Vale said, smiling tiredly and pointedly not promising a damn thing. “I love you very much.”
CHAPTER FIVE
