Page 39 of Slow Heat
“What’s wrong?” Jason asked gently, his heart twisting. “Why are you so upset?”
“What about me?” Xan’s voice broke.
Jason gaped at him, mind turning over and over. “You’re going to be all right.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Sure you will. I know we always promised to live together, but it’s not like I planned it like this. And, unlike me, you have a lot of friends at school. People who’ll be happy to keep you entertained now that I won’t be there to make you study all the time.” Jason abandoned the microscope and slides and sat next to Xan on the bed.
“I need you.” Xan’s mouth worked. “Why can’t you come back? They’ve let him go from his job—your omega. I heard it this morning. So you’d be fine there. Say you’ll come back.”
Jason’s heart clenched as Xan leaned against his shoulder. “I wish I could. I really do. But they say I’m not trustworthy. They think I’ll go to him in the night and won’t be able to control myself. They think they can watch out for me better at home.”
Not to mention, home was about five miles closer to Vale’s house, so maybe he didn’t want to go back to school all that much.
Xan’s blue eyes slowly rose up to Jason’s. A storm brewed in them, though Jason didn’t know why, and it made his stomach ache.
“What’s it like?” Xan asked, his voice pitched low and his tone a trembling mix of anger and hurt. “Do you still…?” He shook his head.
“Do I still what?”
Xan sat up straighter. His eyes darted around the room, like he couldn’t bear to look at any one thing for very long. “Is finding yourÉrosgápeas amazing as they say?”
“It’s awful.”
“Why?”
“Because I want him so much and I can’t have him.” He tried to think of the words to explain it. It was just sobig. “I don’t even know him. It’s weird and intense and I have to take alpha quell now just to act like a normal person. I haven’t seen him in over a day and I don’t know when I will again, and that makes me feel sick deep down. Like I might be dying. It’s awful.”
“Do you only want him now?”
“What do you mean?”
Xan’s jaw set. “You know what I mean, Jason.”
“Oh!”
Shock rocked through him. He hadn’t spared a thought for the games he and Xan played. Not since he’d met Vale. It hadn’t occurred to him that Xan might miss them already. He tried to untangle his tongue enough to reply.
“Is it so hard to answer a simple question?” Xan’s hand shook as he brushed a dark lock of hair away from his imploring eyes.
Jason’s heart squeezed. It wasn’t that hedidn’twant Xan. It was just that he wanted Vale more. And wanting Vale—the glint of his smile, the fan of lines by his eyes, the shivery way he said Jason’s name—was a constant underlying itch that he couldn’t scratch. It didn’t leave room for much else.
Xan’s voice trembled. “Do you still want me?” He tilted his head, one hand working on the buttons of his shirt to reveal his pale, hairless skin. He leaned in close, his breath ghosting against Jason’s lips. “I still want you. Nothing’s changed for me.”
His kiss wasn’t undesirable. It was good even, sweet and slick, greedy and somehow scared, waking Jason to the very real possibility of immediate sex. It was also justweird, because he wanted it, but he didn’t, but hedid.
Blood raced to fill his dick; it pressed between his thigh and pant leg. He shivered, arousal flooding him. It mixed strangely with the alpha quell, making his insides burn cold instead of hot. An ocean breeze against a sunburn.
“I woke up this morning wanting this,” Xan groaned. “And you weren’t there to give it to me.”
“I’m sorry.” Jason’s head spun and his cock ached as he was pulled in two directions, even as he tilted his head to let Xan suck a kiss onto his neck.
“Give it to me now,” Xan commanded, before claiming Jason’s lips.
The kiss deepened and Jason went with it, curious about the split inside him, the way his mouth on Xan’s felt so much less intimate than simply standing outside Vale’s house, talking to him through an open window.
“You can pretend I’m him,” Xan whispered wetly against Jason’s lips, as though sensing the direction of Jason’s thoughts. “Pretend anything you want.”
