Page 104 of Slow Heat
Pater’s eyes filled, too, and his lips wobbled. “You didn’t lose me. I’m right here.”
“Yes, you’re here. Nearly twenty years older, and more fragile than ever after using those abortion drugs for so long, and you think you can carry this child to term?”
“I don’t know. But I’ll try.” He closed his eyes. “He wants to be here, obviously. The drugs didn’t break him free. He hung on through the cramps and the bleeding. He’s a fighter.”
“Who knows what effect those drugs have on a developing fetus!” Father shouted, covering his face again as the words rang in the room. Pater’s eyes popped open and he trembled as he stared at Father, but he didn’t flinch.
Jason sat paralyzed, icy cold fear tearing into his heart.
“What other choice do we have, Yule?” Pater’s skin was pale, but his eyes glowed with determination. “The other options are just as illegal as the abortifacient drugs and much more risky. Without a competent doctor, an abortion is nearly as physically dangerous as attempting to carry. Besides, we don’t even know where to start with procuring a procedure of that sort. Who could we even begin to trust?”
“Money can buy silence, and I’ll pay any amount to keep you safe.”
“I won’t do it,” Pater said, shaking his head. “This child wants to be born. And I want to have him.”
Father’s mouth worked, his breath came in great shudders. A heaving moan escaped him before he stood and left the room, slamming the door. Jason’s mouth was dry, and his blood screamed through his body. He wanted to run away, too, but he didn’t know where or how, and his terror kept him rooted to his seat.
Pater patted his breast pocket, pulling out a cigarette and matchbook. He shoved his plate away and struck the match, lighting up. Smoke spiraled up from his head and drifted toward the ceiling.
Jason’s fingers and toes tingled, and numbness spread through him. The room spun. A black silence seeped in from the edges of the room, as if everything outside had vanished. As if only this table and the two of them existed.
And Father, somewhere in the darkness outside the room, in agony.
Waving away the smoke Pater exhaled, Jason asked, “Is that good for the baby?”
Pater laughed bitterly. “Wolf-hell if I know, love.” He took a long drag. “Probably not. I’ll quit tomorrow.”
Jason poked his fork at the shrimp still on his plate, unable to imagine eating it now. He swallowed thickly. “I don’t want you to die.”
Pater groaned, reaching for Jason’s hand. “Nothing is written in stone. I’m not well, but I’m not ready to break half a dozen more laws that could land your father or me in prison in order to terminate a pregnancy that, to my surprise, I want to see to term.”
“But you said you wouldn’t survive it, and Father says they had to restart your heart and give you blood with me, and you’re older now, and youaren’twell. Why are you doing this? You have me. You don’t need another. The line’s secure.”
“Is it?” Pater asked softly. “Your Vale’s medical charts don’t look good for him carrying to term, either. And I won’t put him through what I’ve endured. Another child—if it was an alpha or an omega—would open up a new possibility for the future of this family.”
“I could get a surrogate.” His stomach hurt and he thought he’d die. Choosing between Pater and Vale? His blood and bones ached at the thought. Still, he couldn’t let his pater die. “If I need to do that I will.”
“No.” Pater’s hazel eyes glimmered sadly. “I would never do that to you. Deprive you you of the bond that’s made my life so wonderful despite the pain?” He shook his head. “Absolutely not. I wouldn’t do that to your Vale, either. It’d be a betrayal of myself as an omega to put carrying on the line above the bond you will share.” Pater flicked ash into his uneaten food. “Besides, I always wanted another child. It wasn’t as though I only wanted to have one, you know. I’ve loved being your pater all these years and now you’re going to be leaving us soon. A baby in the house would bring us all a new joy.”
“If you die having him, there will be no joy at all,” Jason said, dropping his fork against the plate with a clang. “I don’t want him. I want you for as long as I can have you, and I won’t love him if you die having him.”
“Jason…” Pater took a long drag of his cigarette before squashing it out against his plate. Then he stood and came around to kneel on the floor by Jason’s chair, taking hold of his hands. “I know you’re frightened and your father’s reaction isn’t helping, but let’s not borrow trouble. For all we know, this pregnancy will be different from the others.”
“Why would you think that?”
Pater shrugged. “I can only hope. Life is mysterious and stranger things have happened.”
Jason stared at him with an open mouth, hot anger starting in his gut and pushing into his chest. He jerked his hands away.
“What?” Pater asked, sounding nervous. “What are you thinking?”
“You’re giving up. It’s like you said the other day, you knew I needed you, and now you think I don’t need you anymore, and you’re giving up.”
Pater stared at him, his jaw clenching, and then he looked away.
“If you tell me I’m wrong, I won’t believe you.”
Pater rose and returned to his chair again, contemplating the ashy, uneaten food on his plate like it was a crystal ball full of the future. “All right. You’re old enough for the truth.”
