Page 111 of Slow Heat
Vale hesitated. He couldn’t explain how clarity had fallen on him as he’d held Jason sleeping in his arms the night before. How he’d understood with ruthless certainty that no matter what he yearned for, no matter how he wished for another outcome, he was never going to be the omega Jason Sabel deserved. He’d entertained the thought before. He’d known it was true. But he’d foolishly hoped he was wrong and allowed himself to imagine there might be a way…
Last night, though, he’d felt it in his bones: Jason was good, soul-deep good, and Vale was ruined, and he couldn’t let Jason’s life be tainted by that.
“What changed, Vale? Help me understand why you’re sabotaging this.”
“Last night, we…” Vale trailed off.
The bliss that’d washed over him and through him as they’d consummated the bond was hard to speak about. He didn’t know that he’d ever be able to compose a poem that would capture those tender, perfect feelings. He probably would never try. Remembering so much unspoiled joy once he’d destroyed Jason’s affection forever and rejected their bond would be soul-sickening. “We consummated the imprint.”
Yosef’s white brows twitched and he blinked in shock.
“I couldn’t stop myself. I lost control.”
“Pheromone delirium?”
“Yes, and…” He lowered his voice. “My heat is coming on. I don’t have much time now.”
“Wolf-god, Vale, then contract with Jason and be done with it.”
“No. I have to put an end to this farce before I ruin his life.”
“What farce? You’re hisÉrosgápe. There’s nothing farcical about it.” Yosef took hold of his hand and said urgently, “Listen to me. I know you. You care for Jason. No matter what you say and what lies you’re telling yourself, I know deep down you long for him to love you unconditionally.”
“Why are you torturing me this way, Yosef? Don’t you understand that it doesn’t matter what I long for? I can’t have him.”
“You can. He’s a good man! You could be happy with him.”
“I couldneverbe happy with him!” Vale exclaimed, his throat burning with the harsh lump lodged in it. “He’ll hate me when he discovers the truth about that second rebound heat. He’ll loathe me when he understands that he can’t have children with hisÉrosgápebecause I was selfish and stupid.”
“How can you say that? It was instinct. You were in so much pain. Your suffering was unbearable. I was there.” Yosef teared up. “I’d have torn out my own heart to help you if it would have changed a thing.”
Vale clenched his eyes. “Excuses don’t change outcomes.”
“Fine then. Tell him. Give Jason the whole brutal truth and see what he does with it.” Yosef’s eyes pleaded with him. “Don’t make this choice for him. Respect him enough as a man—as youralpha—to let him prove your self-loathing wrong.”
Vale swallowed hard, his heart pounding ruthlessly in his hollow chest. The pain echoed inside, amplified with each word. “Iamgoing to give him the truth. That’s the whole plan, don’t you see? It’s the only way to make sure he accepts my refusal to contract and moves on.”
“So you plan to break his heart? You want to hurt him?”
“I want him to be happy!”
“He’ll never be happy without you.”
Vale’s eyes filled with hot tears. “Children will make him happy. He’ll forget me when he looks into their smiling faces and hears them call him Father.”
“You’re so sure you’re unlovable, huh? Absolutely certain of it. It’s nearly an insult, after all the love Rosen, Urho, and I have thrown at you.”
“Stop. This isn’t about you. I know you love me. All of you. It’s about Jason and what’s right for him.”
“That’s a lie. It’s about your fear. You’re running scared. You’re going to hurt that boy in reactionary terror that he’s going to hurt you first. Why? He’s a good person, Vale. And you deserve him. Do you hear me? You deserve his love.”
Vale’s chest was crushed with the weight of his longing. He yearned for Yosef to be right. He wanted—more than he’d wanted anything in his entire life—to be the omega Jason deserved.
Vale could still see the wonder in Jason’s eyes as he’d entered him the night before. The awe he’d quivered in as they’d made love. He’d taken Jason’s adoration like a hungry animal knowing full well he’d never be given it at all if Jason knew the truth. He didn’t deserve him.
“I won’t saddle him with the scars of my past.”
Yosef let out a slow breath. “I beg you to reconsider.”
