Page 84 of Slow Heat
“Yes, but I’m not going to lose control over it. And you can’t pretend to be surprised by that, because you already knew I was.”
Vale smiled. “I did.”
“I just don’t like that you think of me as a kid. Going into my room would only make that worse.”
“Maybe I want to see your room.” Vale reached out and took hold of Jason’s fingers, feeling their strength as he twined them with his own. “Look, nothing is going to make us the same age or even close. If you haven’t changed your room much then that’s because it still speaks to you, and I’d like to see it, just the way it is. You’re my alpha, and if I’m going to contract with you, there’s no use in pretending that you’re not nineteen and that you’re not exactly who you are, and who you have been.” Vale squeezed his fingers. “Because I can’t pretend that I’m not who I am and who I have been, either.”
Vale’s gut clenched. He didn’t know how he could confess to Jason about what had happened during that second rebound heat, but he wasn’t sure if he could morally contract with him while keeping it a secret either. He needed to know what Jason thought of his pater’s situation, how he viewed such things in general before he came out with his own history, but how to ask without it being obvious?
“I’ll think about it.” Jason squeezed Vale’s hand in return.
Vale closed his eyes and gathered courage. His hands went clammy, so he pulled his fingers free and sat back. “We’re talking about being honest and real with each other, and I heard something the other day that makes me anxious.”
“What?” Jason asked, his brows dropping low.
“It’s just that it’s come to my attention in a roundabout way that it’s possible you’re keeping something from me.”
Jason’s throat worked and he closed his eyes. “Oh, yeah?”
“Yes, and I need you to be honest with me, Jason. If any contract negotiations are going to be fruitful, then we have to bare ourselves to each other. An associate of mine said that there were rumors…”
Jason’s lips trembled slightly, as he ducked his head blond hair fell in front of his eyes. “Is it about Xan? Does a professor friend suspect? About us?” He swallowed convulsively.
Vale blinked in confusion, thrown off course. “Xan? Your friend from the library?”
“Yeah.” Jason frowned. “Did he tell you himself? Or did someone guess…” He scrubbed through his hair leaving it ruffled. “Whatever you heard, you don’t have to worry. It won’t happen ever again. I promise.”
Vale’s brain stumbled trying to change direction with Jason’s words. He had no idea what Jason was talking about, but he decided to follow the end of the piece of yarn until he got to the whole ball. “All right. But I’m going to need you to explain a little more.”
“It was just a game!” Jason’s earnestness shone from his face. “For me, anyway. I think, for Xan, maybe it was more. I think he developed feelings for me.” He cleared his throat. “No, I know he did. Which is wrong on so many levels, I know. But the Holy Book of Wolf doesn’t leave room for someone like him, and it seems cruel, don’t you think?”
Vale stared at Jason, a suspicion forming.
“He didn’t choose to feel this way. It’s not what he really wants to be! I don’t know how you found out, but please don’t judge me for it.” He wiped a hand over his mouth, eyes darting around. “It was only a game. And no one was supposed to ever know. Did Xan tell you? I know he’s jealous, but I thought he’d accepted this.” He motioned between them. “Us.”
“Xan didn’t tell me anything. I’ve never met or spoken with him.”
“Oh, thank wolf-god,” Jason whispered. “He’d be stupid to tell anyone and I know he’s upset, but he’s not suicidal. He wouldn’t want anyone to know he’s unmanned.” Jason’s mouth clomped shut, and his eyes went wider. “No! I didn’t mean that. He’s not unmanned. He’s just…different.”
Vale took a sip of water, wetting his suddenly dry mouth, full understanding dawning. “Let me see if I understand. You’re telling me that you’ve been having sex with your best friend, penetrating another alpha?”
Jason frowned, confusion marring his features. “But you knew that. You just said—” He flushed darker. “Oh. You didn’t say.”
“No, I didn’t. You must have felt guilty about this and thought I was referring to it,” Vale supplied.
“Yeah.” Jason’s foot tapped rapidly on the floor, and he looked like he would vibrate out of his chair. Even his lips trembled.
Vale knew there were all sorts of taboos about alpha-on-alpha sex, but he also knew that growing boys, wild with hormones, needed outlets. Indiscretions were to be expected. Omegas at Mont Juror didn’t hold back.
“I didn’t realize your family adhered so strongly to the Holy Book that you’d feel guilty for blowing off steam with your friend. Though obviously, it needs to be kept secret for his safety, and, to a degree, yours. But I’m not the man to judge you for it, either.”
Jason ducked his head. “It’s not that. I don’t feel guilty about that.”
“Then…?”
“We did it one last time. After.” He met Vale’s eyes with his lips twisted up and tears drawing at his golden lashes. “I’m sorry.”
The blood drained from Vale’s face and a sharp pain lanced into him, unexpected and strange. Why did he care? They barely knew each other, and it was clear Jason didn’t intend to carry on with the other boy, so why did it feel like he’d just been stabbed? He had no right to that feeling.
