Page 58 of Will & Patrick's Endless Honeymoon
“Abuse can happen to anyone.” Will’s voice is rough and haunted. “Even someone proud and strong. Someone like Hartley.”
“Ah.”
Of course Will hasn’t forgotten about Ryan and Hartley. Caitlin telling him about Ryan is bound to bring up all kinds of memories and feelings, and being on their honeymoon isn’t going to squash that completely. So, of course the abuse he’s read about in the book forced it all to the surface again.
“I’m sorry,” Will whispers. “I shouldn’t be upset about Ryan. He was awful to me and—”
“It’s fine.” Patrick touches his cheek.
“Is it?”
“Yes.” He clears his throat. “Besides, I read inBride Magazine’s online special honeymoon edition that brides usually cry on their honeymoon. It’s a thing.”
“I’m not the bride,” Will says, laughing wetly, poking Patrick’s stomach. “You’re the bride.”
“We can both be the bride.” He rubs Will’s shoulder. “If lesbians can do it, so can we.”
Will clasps him close. “Patrick?”
“Hmm?”
“Shut up.”
They kiss for a long time and hold each other, their passion slowly growing, and eventually they fuck again. This time with the toy inserted so Patrick can pound the grief out of Will without hurting him. When it’s over, they hold each other and Will cries some more. Patrick lets him, because it’s the only thing he can do. No amount of logic is going to make Will not care about the dickwad who abused him for years. He’s tried that before. It doesn’t work.
Love is weird like that. He should know. He’s going to have a baby with Will and bring it into the craziest family ever. Maybe Child Protection Services should intervene before they even get started.
After they’ve eaten the melted remains of the frozen Snickers bars in the middle of their wrecked sheets. Flushed from his recent tears and even more recent orgasm, Will’s quiet for such a long time that a shiver passes over Patrick’s sweaty skin. “You okay?” he asks eventually.
“With you? Yes.” Will sighs. “With my past? No. I still can’t believe the Ryan I loved became the Ryan who’s dying.”
“I know.”
“Why does it hurt? I love you now. I don’t even love him anymore, do I? Why does it hurt to think of him dying and Hartley so destroyed but loyal to him? Maybe I should have gone to see him.”
“Do you want to go now?” Patrick smooths Will’s hair off his forehead.
“No. I don’t really want to see him ever again. I just never thought the way we ended it would really be the way we left it forever.”
“You could call.”
“You don’t really want me to do that.”
“No, but if it helps.”
Will shakes his head. “Sometimes things are messy in life. Not everything is tied up with a bow and sealed with smiles and forgiveness.”
“True.”
Will’s eyes go sad and distant again. “All of this makes me wonder if it really is a good idea to bring another person into this world or into our lives.”
Patrick purses his lips but eventually says, “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t having some of the same reservations.”
“If we adopted, we’d just be taking care of a child already in the world. Not bringing one into our mess.” Will gazes at him hopefully.
“But when I think of our child, I think of them looking like you,” Patrick confesses.
“And I think of them looking likeyou.”
