Page 77 of Alpha Heat
Caleb rinsed the soap away carefully, making sure to block Xan’s eyes from the run-off. “Your hair is so silky,” Caleb murmured. “I like how it curls around my fingers.”
“You’re so nice to me,” Xan said, excitement and bliss bubbling wildly in his veins, like he was running on champagne and barely banked arousal. He could still smell Urho in the house, and he wanted to seek him out again, though he knew they had to be sensible.
Caleb assured him, “I’m happy to see you so well-satisfied by someone who doesn’t hurt you.” He chuckled. “Or doesn’t hurt you more than you want.”
Xan splashed the bathwater idly, a smile blossoming uncontrolled over his face. “I loved it. He’s amazing. I admit I’ve been nervous. With all this time and distance, I thought maybe the intensity of the first time was a fluke, but no. It was just as good.” He groaned, flopping back in the water and accidentally splashing Caleb’s white shirt and pants. “I want him to fuck me.”
“I have a feeling he plans to do just that,” Caleb teased.
“I want him to fuck me forever,” Xan said vehemently. “I want to be his omega for real and grow slick and hot when he looks at me. I want to open for him like an omega would. I want to go into heat and take his knot, and I want to have his babies grow inside of me.”
Caleb sat back and pushed his blond hair behind his ear, gazing at him sympathetically. “I wish you could have all of that. If I could simply hand over my womb and everything that goes with it to you, I’d do that in a heartbeat, my love.”
The sadness in Caleb’s voice brought Xan out of his passionate revery. He frowned. “I’m sorry. I’m being selfish.”
“You’re being in love, and I don’t want you to feel badly about wanting what you want. I truly only wish I could solve the problem for you. For both of us.” Caleb smiled softly and slipped his fingers down the side of Xan’s cheek.
“What does a knot feel like?” Xan asked, after the moment had passed. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine it. Alpha cocks were already so large, and since his hole wasn’t as robust as an omega’s, and didn’t make slick like an omega’s, penetration could be painful for him. But glorious. The sensation of being stretched so wide, filled so very full, was unlike any other.
What would it feel like if something even larger pinned him in place? If he was held on his alpha’s knot and forced to submit to it for long swaths of time. He shivered. It sounded delicious.
But, unfortunately, knots only came in the presence of the pheromones of an omega in heat, so it was unlikely he’d ever be able to experience it for himself, even if he was physically capable of enduring it.
“Do you really want to know?”
“I do. Please tell me.” He wanted to be able to imagine it to the fullest whenever he finally had a chance to allow Urho to take him.
Caleb dipped his fingers into the warm tub and then brought them out, watching them drip onto the surface and make small ripples. “In the moment, while I’m being knotted, I adore it like nothing else,” Caleb said, with a strange note in his voice. “It fills me until I can’t think at all. I am nothing but sensation and pleasure. I feel…complete. I come. Over and over. It’s pure, intense, physical satisfaction.” His nose wrinkled and he shuddered. “But when it’s over I hate it. And I resent it. I loathe that I turn into a rutting animal with no mind, and that I beg for something that I can’t stand the thought of otherwise. Biology is a powerful thing.”
Xan frowned, his burgeoning rush of arousal draining away in the face of Caleb’s problems. “I never wanted you to feel that way about me.”
“Oh!” Caleb shook himself. “I was thinking of before. With other men.” He smiled, but his eyes still looked sad. “With you, the knot is made even better because I feel safe. And when it’s over, I feel more peaceful than anything else. And, of course, I feel hopeful.” His eyes took on a happy gleam. “I want so much for a babe to take root. I do very much look forward to my next heat for that reason, darling.” He smiled, love and excitement glowing forth. “I want a family so much, Xan. I know you’ll be a wonderful father, and I think—or hope—I’ll be a good pater.”
“You’ll be a wonderful pater,” Xan assured him. He sat up, taking hold of Caleb’s hand and stroking the fingers tenderly. “I can’t wait to see you with our babe in your arms, chestfeeding.”
“I look forward to that too.” He smiled a bit wistfully. “I do envy how much you want all the rest, though. And while I pity you that you can’t have it, I admit that at times I pity myself more for not wanting it at all.” Caleb sighed. “So maybe I’m the selfish one.”
“No. You’re perfect.”
Caleb grinned. “Oh, alpha mine. Of course you think so. And Urho thinks you’re perfect too.”
“I doubt that. I’m sure he wishes I could give him what his Riki could.”
Caleb’s brow went up. “Are you jealous of his lost omega?”
“No.” Xan shrugged. He wasn’t, not truly, anway. “He’s dead. Nothing can change that. I’m alive and that’s real.” He released Caleb’s hand and took up the sponge, feeling stronger. “You don’t have to baby me. I can finish up myself. I don’t know what came over me.”
“Exhaustion after the satisfaction of extreme lust?” Caleb asked, laughing. “I’ve never seen you like this—so weak with it. I can’t imagine what you’ll be like come tomorrow morning. Unable to leave the bed at all, I imagine.”
Xan splashed water on his face again and laughed. “And sore as wolf’s own hell, too.”
“Yes. Quite sore.” Caleb tossed the soap to Xan. “But promise me one thing. Do be sure to eventually take a break from fucking to get to know one another, all right? I think if there’s any future in this, that’s the direction it will lie.”
He dropped a kiss on the top of Xan’s head and left the bathroom. The steam from the water had fogged the mirror when Xan climbed out to dry off. He wiped it away and took look at himself.
For the first time in a long time, he thought he could grow to like the person looking back at him.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
