Page 107 of Alpha Heat
“No, if I recall correctly, you said you didn’t want to be his omega.” Xan’s mouth went dry. “Was that a lie?”
Caleb shook his head as tears spilled down his cheeks. He looked at Xan imploringly. “No, I want to beyouromega.”
Xan led him to the bed and they sat on the side of it together. “That works out well, then, because you are my omega.”
“I want to have a family withyou.”
“You can. You will.” Xan took his hands. “It’s okay to care for more than one man. I do.” He wasn’t in love with Caleb and he could never be. Now he knew that for sure since he had fallen for Urho and loved him with his heart, soul,andbody. But he and Caleb still shared a deep bond.
“I know.” Caleb pulled a hand free to wipe at his tears. “I didn’t realize how much I still cared about that rat bastard until last night. Seeing him so sick… My heart broke again. And the last day could only have been more painful if it wasyouin quarantine, suffering like that. I can feel death in that room, Xan. I feel it.”
“Urho says there’s every chance he’ll recover.”
Caleb nodded. “I know. He told me the same. But my heart doesn’t think he will, Xan. In my heart…” He shivered.
“Don’t be superstitious.”
Caleb’s eyes flashed with hurt. “I’m being honest. Some part of me knows, deep down, he won’t survive this.”
“Janus is strong. Young, like us. He’ll make it.”
“I wish I was as certain as you.”
Xan said nothing, because Calebwasas certain as he was. He just didn’t believe Janus would survive. “If he lives, what will you do?”
Caleb shook his head. “Nothing. This changes nothing.”
“How can you say that? You care for the man.”
“Not the way he wants me to care for him,” Caleb said with a sad smile. “Or, ratherwantedme to care for him a long time ago. I have no idea what he wants now.”
Xan touched Caleb’s wet cheek. “But you said your heart is broken by him.”
“Friends can break your heart, too, Xan,” Caleb whispered, tears welling again. “Just as badly, maybe sometimes worse than a lover. Because with a lover, from what I understand, you’re aware that it might not work out from the beginning, aren’t you? Unless you’reErosgapé. With a friend, though, you don’t guard your heart.”
Xan brushed Caleb’s hair off his cheek. “He seems like he was more than a friend to you.”
“He almost was. He was my first hope. And my first loss. My only heartbreak.” Caleb shrugged. “Everyone suffers through it at least once. In some form or another. Just because my heartbreak isn’t romantic, doesn’t mean it’s not real.”
“Don’t give up. He’ll live and then you can find out if he cares for you too.”
Caleb sighed in a fast rush and shook his head, tears forming in his eyes again. “You aren’t listening.” He chewed his lip. “I don’t feel attraction for him, or romantic love. I know it’s hard for you to understand because you’re so different from me in these ways. My heartbreak isn’t because I want him.”
“I know.” Or he tried to know. Intellectually he understood, but some part of him could never fully grasp these truths when Caleb described them.
“I want you as my alpha, my best friend, my family.”
“I know,” Xan said again.
“So please don’t say that about Janus again.”
Xan nodded.
“I don’t want him. But I don’t want him to die.” Then Caleb nuzzled Xan’s neck and whispered, “Alpha mine, I love you. You’re my future, the father of my children to come, and my choice.”
Xan kissed Caleb’s head again. “I love you too. And it’s all right to be sad that someone you cared for, a friend, an old hope, is so sick. I understand. Let me hold you.”
Caleb rested in Xan’s arms, breathing in his scent and letting Xan stroke his back. They cuddled together on the bed, taking comfort from the familiar scents and sounds of the other, the rise and fall of breath, their mutual steadfastness.
