Page 22 of Alpha Heat
Xan’s shoulders slumped. He frowned, casting a hard look at the wall just over Urho’s shoulder. His knees seemed to tremble and he finally sat on the day bed, away from Urho. He plucked nervously at the blue quilt beneath him.
“Talk to me,” Urho commanded. “Enough of this strangeness and just tell me what happened last night. Use your words. I know you have lots of them. I hear you spout off with impertinence all the time.”
Xan’s plump lips twitched like he might smile, and Urho sat up straighter, relaxing into this familiar role. He was an older alpha with experience and good advice to offer. Like with Jason, he could be an uncle figure, perhaps. Xan wasn’t any different.
Never mind that Xan’s bruised cheek pulled at something inside Urho, like a fishing hook to some part of his soul, tug, tug, tugging until he wanted to rip it free or…do something else. He yearned to act—to be tender or violent, he wasn’t sure. But he definitely wanted to behave in a way that was forbidden.
He swallowed hard and took up the uncle role again, leaning into it for strength and steadiness. “Tell me,” Urho commanded.
Xan shot him a glare, as though he might argue or refuse, but then he simply calmly stated, “I’m unmanned. I explained to you last night.”
“You were attacked. You fought back,” Urho said, returning to the story he had mostly convinced himself had to be the truth. Except for the part where he knew it wasn’t—because he’d smelled Xan’s semen last night too. And he was only now willing to admit it.
Still he lumbered on with the easier lies, willing Xan to take them up and own them too. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. You were overpowered and—”
“I went to him, Urho. I go to him regularly.” Xan’s eyes burned hot. “To get fucked.”
Urho’s mouth clamped shut and he squeezed his fists tight. Revulsion swept over him. The image of Xan beneath another man, taking his cock, being owned by him, forced acid to rise in his throat. “No.”
“Do you understand now? We aren’t lovers. It’s nothing like that.” Xan shuddered, as if the thought of the man who’d abused him being his lover disgusted even him. “I had a lover once and I know the difference. But that’s over. So I make do with what I can find. What I deserve.”
“You had a lover?” Urho’s hair stood on end, and he ground his teeth together. His heart rate ticked up, a flood of unacceptable feelings roaring within him. In their wake, cold swept through, chilling him head to toe.
Xan didn’t take up that topic, though; his eyes went distant as though he was somewhere else, not there at all anymore. Urho swallowed so hard that the noise echoed in the small room.
Finally, Xan’s eyes met his again and he asked, his voice raw with defeat, “What else do you want to know?”
“Who is he?”
“Does it matter?”
“What he’s doing is unlawful. He should be arrested.”
Xan snorted. “According to the law, it’smethat should be arrested.”
“You don’t…you can’t want…” Urho’s head spun and the room was too warm. He worked open his tie and unbuttoned the collar of his shirt.
“I do!” Xan said, his cheeks flushing. A redness spread up his pale throat. “He never seeks me out. I go to him. Always. I find him, and I beg him. I taunt him andpushhim until he fucks me. It’s a game to him. Nothing more.”
“What is it to you? Also a game?”
“I wish.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means it’s a wretched darkness in me that I can’t contain or control.”
Urho shook his head, still disbelieving. “You don’t beg him to leave you injured like this.”
“No,” Xan agreed. “But I know what I risk when I’m with him. I’ve known his animosity toward me for a very long time. I know how to provoke him. And I do.”
Urho wiped a drop of sweat from his forehead. His insides tumbled wildly. “Help me understand.”
Xan huffed. “How?”
“Explain it.”
“I just did.”
