Page 89 of Alpha Heat
Xan grabbed his glass wine and took a large sip. He almost couldn’t swallow around the gratitude welling up inside his chest. “I don’t know,” he finally murmured. “I feel the same. But Caleb says we should be friends first and foremost.”
“That sounds like good advice. Aren’t we friends?”
“Yes.”
“And more than friends?”
“Yes,” Xan said, his cock twitching dangerously beneath the napkin.
Urho leaned closer, his white teeth so compelling against his dark skin. “Is there something you feel like you need to know about me before you can trust in what we’re building?”
The fact that they were building something was dizzying. And too good to be true. Aside from that, though…
Xan thought carefully, sipping his wine and staring out at the dark, rough sea. “I’ve never seen you angry. Upset, yes. Maybe that day when you came to my house after…well, when I was hurt. You were stressed, confused—”
“Afraid. I was beyond afraid.”
Xan swallowed hard. “For me?”
“Yes, I was afraid for you, obviously, but I was also terrified of what my reaction meant. What it said…about me.” Urho’s voice was calm now, a soothing, low tone that gave no indication of the man who’d been so bewildered.
“You don’t seem afraid anymore.”
“I should be,” Urho said, glancing over his shoulder, clearly checking that, yes, the closest table to them was still several feet away. “But when I’m with you, I forget about all of that.”
“That’s dangerous.”
“Only in public,” Urho said, relaxing back into his seat with a shrug. “And we’ll be smart. Keep our hands to ourselves.”
“Of course.”
It irked Xan, though, to look around the dining room. He saw omega and alpha couples canoodling in a corner, or beta couples holding hands at the table, and even one set of omegas hugging each other on the sofa near the far wall. How unfair that he would always be afraid to act naturally with Urho in public for fear of devastating repercussions.
“Virona is probably safer than the city,” Urho said. “The culture of northern seaside towns is more relaxed and people are accustomed to tourists coming through, bringing with them other ways and beliefs. But obviously we’ll be as discreet as possible. We don’t want to risk ourselves—or Caleb’s safety.”
Xan nodded and smiled tightly as the waiter returned with their meals. He found the flavor was a bit dull with the taste of regret fresh in his mouth. “If I’d been born an omega…” he started, but Urho put a hand over his and squeezed briefly before letting go.
“There are things we can’t change. Riki is gone. You’re not an omega. The sky is blue. Water wet.” He dropped his voice to a whisper. “It doesn’t change my feelings for you; my lust or affection, either one. I want you just the way you are.”
Xan couldn’t help but want to turn the words “lust and affection” intolove, but he knew that was a word that only came with time. ManyÉrosgápedidn’t even use it for the first many months or even years of their relationship, despite quite obviously being in love. He still remembered the first time Vale said it to Jason, well after they’d contracted. Jason had been flying high for weeks after.
Yes, it was a good bit too early to think about declarations of love.
“I feel the same way,” Xan said, smiling softly and taking a sip of his wine.
Urho turned back to his steak and lobster plate. “Is there anything you want to know about me? I’m happy to fill in blanks for you.”
Xan tilted his head. “I know who you are—what kind of person, I mean. But I don’t know a lot about your life before I met you. Why did you go into the military? Why didn’t you just become a doctor immediately?”
“I wasn’t born into wealth like you and Jason. I came into it via Riki when we contracted. Before that, I had to scrape and save. The military was the best option for me after I left school and before I met Riki. It trained me in the virtues of self-discipline, which I still sorely lack when it comes to you, and it paid for my physician’s training. The war itself was horrific, and I’ll spare you details, mainly for my own sake. There aren’t a lot of memories there that I like to dredge up.”
Xan nodded, eating his steak and fussing with the salad he’d ordered.
“I met Riki while I was still enlisted. It was a surprise, as allÉrosgápebonds tend to be, and I can’t say his parents were impressed with me. In the end, his father didn’t live to see Riki die, and his pater succumbed to cancer not long after.”
“I’m sorry.”
Urho frowned. “It was a dark time. I don’t know how I survived it. Eventually, I learned to go on. But I didn’t let go.” He took a long swallow from his glass before meeting Xan’s eyes. “But maybe it’s time I consider how to do that.”
