Page 98 of Alpha Heat
“I thought I’d frame it, yes.” Urho’s fingers slipped soothingly through Xan’s hair. “Put it up somewhere as a reminder of how I don’t want you to ever look again.”
Xan squirmed and frowned.
Urho stilled his fingers. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. Something about the picture, about my face in it, reminds me of my life before you made your offer.”
“Before I loved you.”
Xan’s body twitched, half disbelieving and yet desperate for it to be true. He grabbed onto the words eagerly. “Yes, before you loved me. I don’t want to go back to living like that. And I don’t just mean Monhundy and all of that horrible abuse. I mean my day-to-day life. It was so much less without you in it.” He sighed, rubbing his face against Urho’s chest hair, wishing that the world were different. Thathewas different. “Still, you must be so bored here, waiting for Vale to give birth and spending your days reading, or whatever it is you do. What do you do, Urho, while I’m away?”
“I spend time with Vale, Jason, and Caleb. I walk on the beach and read in the garden if it isn’t too cold. I spend time on the telephone consulting on cases in the city. I’ve walked into the village and explored the town. I haven’t been bored.”
“But it must only be a matter of time, don’t you think? Before you do get bored?” Xan’s eyes burned, but he wasn’t going to let that show. He blinked back the tears. “And once Vale’s baby comes, there won’t be any real reason for you to remain here. Your clinic in the city must be suffering without you.”
“Caleb brought up something similar to me today,” Urho said hesitantly.
Xan let out a frustrated snort. He’d been working toward asking the scary questions he’d been avoiding for a while now. Of course Caleb would beat him to the punch. “What’s that?”
“He suggested that I stay on here after Vale’s baby comes.”
“For the heat, of course. But after that, if the babe’s healthy, there won’t really be any need, right? I mean, I suppose Jason and Vale will want stay on until the flu risk has passed. But there won’t be a need for you to be here with them.”
“Well—”
“Or do you suspect the baby isn’t well?” Xan asked, sitting up to peer into Urho’s dark eyes. His heart hammered with sudden worry. He used to resent Vale, but now, with Urho in his life, he only saw his friend’s good points and wanted only the best for him. “Vale’s been complaining so much lately about pain. Do you think…is it damaged in some way?”
“Shh.” Urho tugged Xan down against his chest again and kissed the top of his head. Xan closed his eyes, listening to the steady beat of Urho’s heart, the sussuration of his lungs, and let himself be soothed. “As far as I can tell, the pregnancy is going swimmingly. He could give birth quite soon and the babe would be all right. The lungs are the last to develop, though, and we need to hope that they are in good shape when the time comes. That’s why I’m still delaying induction a bit longer. But I have no reason to believe there’s a problem. The babe should be fine.”
“Then what was Caleb going on about?” The irritation crept into him again. He wanted nothing more than for Urho to stay with him in Virona, but he wasn’t a fool. Urho had a home to return to, a clinic, and a life. There was no reason for him to stay, no matter how much he claimed to care for Xan. And perhaps Caleb was tired of his alpha’s lover living in his home. He’d have every right to be.
“Caleb told me earlier today that he’d like me to stay here. As my home.”
Xan sat up again and stared at Urho unblinkingly. “Why? I mean—how would that work?”
“We didn’t discuss the details, but the idea of returning to the city doesn’t appeal to me much. I wanted to know your thoughts on it before I started to give it any real consideration.” Urho brushed some sweaty curls out of Xan’s eyes, and then thumbed the small dent in his chin. “Would you be happy, Xan? If I stayed?”
Xan’s heart fluttered and he wrapped his arms around Urho’s neck, crawling onto him and straddling his hips. He held him close, kissed his neck, and scented along his shoulders.
“How would that work?” Xan asked. “What would people think?”
“That’s something we’d have to deal with, a risk we’d have to navigate,” Urho murmured.
Xan swallowed hard. He knew it was more than he could ever hope to have the blessing of his family or the rest of the world on what he felt for Urho, but some part of him wanted it. He felt bound by the ropes of law and religious regulations, by the likelihood of losing his family, his standing, his inheritance, and his place in the world if he agreed to something like what Caleb and Urho were proposing.
Did Caleb even see the likelihood that they would be left with nothing? That Xan’s inclinations, like Caleb’s father’s addiction, would lead them to financial and social ruin? Surely he did. And yet this was Caleb’s idea. How was that?
“Well?” Urho prompted. “Would you be happy if I stayed?”
Xan’s throat went tight and he sat back to look Urho in the eye. “I love you.”
“Is that a yes? You’d be happy?”
“If you could stay here and make this your home, if you could live here with me as my lover forever, I don’t even know the word for how happy I’d be,” Xan said, his voice raw. “Ecstatic. Beyond ecstatic.”
“But?”
“What will people think? My father will never understand. My place as heir is already uncertain. My pater… I haven’t seen him in so long now.”
