Page 52 of Any Given Lifetime
“Better than I ever knew,” Joshua said in awe.
“Yes,” Neil agreed. “So good.” It didn’t even begin to cover it. He felt like his heart would stop, or like it might beat out of his chest. He felt like his brain had stopped ruling his body, because by all rights he should be still clothed, they both should, and instead they were moving together, sweaty and entangled, emotions pouring from them in waves.
Joshua’s legs scraped along Neil’s sides, and he rocked up to meet Neil’s thrusts, his ass convulsing around Neil’s cock. His fingers twined into Neil’s hair like he was never letting go.
“Can’t take it,” Joshua grunted, his body tensing and then shuddering under Neil. “Too much.”
Neil tried to slow down, to pull his cock free, but Joshua squeezed him in tighter with strong thighs and moved his hands from Neil’s hair to grip tightly at Neil’s ass cheeks, keeping him inside, as his hole clenched on Neil’s cock to hold him in place.
“Oh God,” Joshua cried, and his head tossed on the pillow. “Is it really you? Tell me it’s you,Neil.”
“It’s me,” Neil agreed, staring down at Joshua’s face, watching every expression as it moved across his features. A jumble of emotion and confusion, and underlying it all a vibrant joy that seemed to drive Joshua from within, as he strained beneath Neil, trembling all around him, and clinging to him with everything he had.
Neil kissed Joshua’s wet lips, sucking on them as they fucked and pulsed together, scrambling at each other, gripping and sweating, until Neil noticed that a tear was running down the side of Joshua’s temple. He touched it with his fingers, bringing the liquid, salty wet to his mouth and licking it.
“Hey, hey, you’re okay,” Neil said. “You’re okay, Joshua. I’ve got you. I’m here.”
Joshua’s face crumpled as he hiccupped a soft sob, his legs wrapping around Neil’s lower back to hold him inside his ass. His arms were all the way around Neil, strong and desperately pulling him so tight and close that Neil almost couldn’t breathe. For a moment, he felt claustrophobic, and then he felt Joshua’s pulse beating along the length of his cock, buried so deep inside Joshua’s tight body, and the feeling disappeared. He was in Joshua, and he’d never wanted to be anywhere else.
“Don’t leave me again,” Joshua whispered, sounding shocked by his words, like he still couldn’t tell if any of this was real. “I don’t care if this is true. I just need you. I need you, Neil.”
“It’s true. It’s true, Joshua. Shh, I’m not going anywhere.” Neil thrust, feeling Joshua jolt under him as he fucked into him. “Feel me? You’ve got me. Feel me in you?”
“God, yes,” Joshua gasped. “You’re huge.”
Neil kissed Joshua’s eyebrows, his eyelashes damp with tears, and his mouth, before saying, “I’ve loved you for you twenty years, dammit. You’re an idiot if you think I won’t love you at least twenty more.”
And then he fucked him without holding back, pounding into his ass as hard as he could, making Joshua cry out, and twist, and scream for more. When Neil wormed a hand between them to grip Joshua’s cock in his palm, squeezing in rhythm with his unrelenting thrusts, Joshua’s face contorted, and he sounded shocked and overwhelmed as he shot a thick, heavy load of come between them.
Joshua jerked and trembled, crying out as Neil didn’t let up the thrusts, not until he felt the rush of orgasm in his own balls, and he buried himself as deeply as possible. Shaking and staring down at Joshua’s wide brown eyes, he came so hard it was agonizing, his entire body lighting up with unbearable pleasure. He didn’t know or care what Joshua heard or saw in that moment; giving over to the intensity of his orgasm was all he could manage. When he finally shuddered his way to the end of it, he’d collapsed on Joshua’s chest, drooling as he jerked gently under Joshua’s soothing, petting hands.
Carefully, after his breathing had settled and he could hear that Joshua’s heart rate had slowed, too, Neil pulled out of Joshua’s embrace, holding onto the base of the condom as he withdrew from Joshua’s ass. Neil didn’t look at Joshua’s face, afraid of what he’d see there. Regret? Anger? Neil didn’t know for sure. Having sex like this wasn’t how Joshua operated—at least it never had been before. Neil was suddenly terrified that even though everything Joshua believed was absolutely true—he was Neil Russell, despite all logic and scientific explanation—somehow Neil would screw it up, and Joshua wouldn’t believe him anymore, or, worse, after having lived so long without him, Joshua would find he didn’t love him after all, much lessneed him, as he’d claimed mid-fuck.
As the head of Neil’s cock popped past the tight ring of Joshua’s anus, Joshua gasped. Neil glanced up to see if it was pain that had forced that noise from Joshua’s throat. He met Joshua’s eyes, and tears prickled at the sight of the soft, hopeful, slightly terrified adoration he saw there.
Quickly, he examined Joshua’s hole—he’d been rough at the end—and found that it was gaping a little but was otherwise fine. It would be tight and tiny again within minutes, and yet Neil knew from Derek that gaping like that felt empty, and he didn’t want that sensation for Joshua. So, he sucked on three of his fingers, and pushed them into Joshua’s slick, hot ass, feeling the velvet softness of the inside of Joshua’s body against the pads of his fingers. He’d pull them out one by one until Joshua wasn’t hungry for them anymore.
Joshua sighed, and Neil slid up next to him, keeping his fingers inside, moving them in slow, pumping motions that seemed to soothe Joshua, who relaxed as Neil rested his head on Joshua’s shoulder, gazing up at his face.
“Okay?” Neil asked.
“No,” Joshua said, a freaked-out chuckle underscoring his word. “I just had sex for the first time since Lee died with someone I think is the reincarnation of a man I was in love with years ago. And I just had the most intense orgasm I’ve ever experienced. But you are my Neil, I know it, I can feel it—and I am really not okay.”
“Me, either,” Neil said.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Neil kissed Joshua’s shoulder. “If you panic now, I don’t know what I’ll do. I’m a mess. I’ve been a mess since I saw you in Scottsville. It’s been hard enough living without you all these years. If you freak, and leave, and I have to do this without you—oh God, listen to me. Or don’t. Don’t listen to me. I sound like a maniac.”
Joshua’s ass clenched on Neil’s fingers as he let out a soft chuckle. “Look, considering I’m basically having the same thoughts, only replace ‘freak and leave’ with ‘wake up to find myself in a mental hospital,’ I’m a little relieved to hear I’m not alone in this.”
Neil’s heart thumped, and he said, “You’re not alone.”
Joshua snuggled in closer, and Neil found Joshua’s prostate, moving his fingers over it automatically.
Joshua groaned and writhed. “Oh, God,” he said, and Neil rubbed harder, watching in avid fascination as Joshua’s face crumpled in reaction. He forgot all about taking his fingers out of Joshua’s ass and instead poured more lube over Joshua’s hole. As Joshua whimpered and said his name in an awed voice, Neil grabbed another condom and moved over Joshua, pushing back into his tight, throbbing slickness. He moaned as Joshua’s ass seemed to grab at his cock and suck him in.
“Neil,” Joshua breathed, his hips angling up to take the slow, gentle, rolling thrusts. “Don’t stop.”
