Page 20 of Mr. Frosty Pants
Joel’s head swam. How to answer that? Hadn’t he already said, for fuck’s sake? “It’s untested, but…yeah.”
“Untested?” Casey’s brows lowered as he cocked his head. “What’s that mean?”
Joel’s mouth went dry, and he darted his eyes away from Casey’s, heat rising up his neck. He could stand up now. Go to work. Forget all about this conversation and Casey fucking Stevens. He didn’t have to tell him anything. He owed him nothing. Not a single damn raw truth.
His voice was ragged as he replied, “Never met a guinea pig I thought was worth the effort of fucking, I guess.”
“You’ve never…with a guy.” Casey didn’t phrase it like a question, but his voice was so gentle that Joel’s heart ached.
“With anyone.” Jesus, why was he saying all this? Why did Casey make him so weak?
Casey’s head dropped back, and he stared up into the branches of the oak above them. “RJ was right,” he whispered. “Wow.”
“About?”
“About everything.” Casey lowered his chin to gaze at Joel again. “I think. Maybe noteverything.”
Joel shrugged, his fingers aching, and he pulled his hand away from Casey. He crossed his arms and tucked his fingers beneath his armpits to try to wipe away the sensation of Casey’s touch. He was weak to want it. Stupid to think he could ever have it. So what if they were both gay? Casey was rich and living in New York, and Joel was…Joel.
“So those girls you talked about going out with?”
Joel scoffed. “Covering for my super-duper queerness, dude. It’s pretty obvious.”
Casey laughed quietly, shaking his head, his eyes wide in amazement. It tore Joel’s gut up. He wanted to touch that lightness. “Apparently obvious to everyone who isn’t me.”
“Everyone? Who else knows my private business? Besides RJ.” Joel studied Casey’s face. “I think I’ve managed to keep it off Google.”
“Just RJ and maybe Becca.”
“Oh, Becca.” He shrugged, a small smile tugging involuntarily at his mouth. “Yeah. She knows. We’re close. I came out to her first. And, until now, only.” He forced his lips wider, but the fake smile felt weird on his face. “Hope you’re happy. You’re the second person I’ve told.”
Casey leaned in closer and whispered, “Does it feel good to say it?”
Joel couldn’t handle the open curiosity on Casey’s face. He turned his attention back to Bruno, who’d just finished digging a hole by the water. He studied his emotions. “No. It feels shitty. Like it always has.”
“Why?”
Joel breathed slowly, wishing he dared dip back into his cigarettes for another smoke. He didn’t look Casey’s way, shrugging again. “I don’t know.”
“It doesn’t have to feel shitty. It can feel…good.”
“I guess you’d know.”
“Meaning?”
“You’ve had sex with guys, right? Probably with more than one?” Joel shoved down a surge of jealousy that anyone had touched Casey—felt his soft skin, heard his cries of ecstasy. It should have been him. It couldneverbe him. “Innocent, nerdy Casey Stevens getting more ass than me. Who’d have ever seen that coming?”
“Do you evenwantto get ass?” Casey asked, sliding his fingers over Joel’s hand again, trying to take hold and sending sparks spiraling up his arm. “I mean, you could. You’re hot enough, and there are apps for that.” A frown crinkled Casey’s forehead.
“Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t want do that stuff with just anyone.” Joel pulled his hand away from Casey’s tantalizing touch and crossed his arms over his chest again, not sure when he’d uncrossed them anyway. He frowned at Bruno’s happy dogface as he dug a second hole nearer the tree line. He’d need to fill those in later. There was always something more that he needed to do, another hurdle in his way, another hole to fall into.
“But it doesn’t have to be like that. You can take it slow. I’ve found all kinds of guys on those apps. Some guys just want hand jobs. Or blow jobs. You don’t have to jump in with both feet right away.”
“Apps for blow jobs.” Joel shook his head. “What has this shitty world come to?”
Casey whispered, “And some guys are really into kissing. They’re happy to do that and nothing else.”
Joel stiffened.
