Page 86 of Mr. Frosty Pants
“I’m not seeing the problem with that.” Joel smiled, though his stomach still hadn’t loosened up. He wished he could tell Casey’s father where he could go stick his bullshit.
Bruno pranced by Casey, hoping for his uneaten food. But Casey stared off into space, his expression falling through several phases of emotion, starting with optimism and ending with a gloomy despair that Joel knew all too well.
“I have a little money put aside,” Casey said. “I was saving it for travel after I graduate, like we talked about before, but I can use it to pay for tuition at UT and keep us in groceries for a little while. It won’t last long, though. So, I’ll need a job. At least my car is paid for and in my name.”
Joel picked up a strip of cold bacon from Casey’s plate and chewed it slowly. He didn’t have an answer to the money problem, no way to soothe Casey or bring him down for a gentle landing. If he chose this path, he’d land hard, and that was all there was to it.
“You should go home,” he finally murmured as the silence stretched on. “You’ve got too much to lose. I’m not worth it.”
“Fuck that.” Casey sat up straighter. “Other people do this all the time. Their parents kick them out or give up on them, and they make it work. They get jobs and figure their shit out. I’ll do the same.”
“Casey…”
“Joel. Stop. I’m not going to break things off with you just because my parents told me to, okay? That’s not happening.”
“Stubborn.”
“So what? I’m right. They’re wrong.”
“They’re the ones with the purse strings. I don’t want this for you.”
“You said that yesterday. Let’s not have the same fight.” Casey’s lips quirked. “Unless you want it to end the same way?”
“With your dick up my ass?”
Casey smiled, his eyes dilating slightly and darting down to Joel’s mouth.
“You don’t seem that upset,” Joel commented. He kept waiting for Casey to lose his shit and start bawling and sobbing. But he didn’t seem likely to break even a little bit. Was this the stubborn surety that had let Casey go to New York and not contact Joel for nearly four years?
“I’m upset.” Casey’s brows creased. “I’m hurt, but I’m notsurprised. Dad did basically the same thing when I came out to him. Said he wasn’t going to pay for NYU, said he’d cut me off.” Casey rolled his eyes. “He said all kinds of things he didn’t mean. At least, he didn’t mean them for more than a few days. But it still sucked flying off to start school without knowing if he was really going to jerk my funding or turn his back on me. Mom told me not to worry back then, and she was right. He came around.”
“What if he doesn’t come around this time?”
Casey’s eyes tightened at the edges. “I almost don’t want him to. I’d almost like to see what it would be like if he didn’t. I believe in us, Joel. And I believe in myself.” He lifted his chin. “I have what amounts to a degree from NYU in marketing and branding. I have talent, and I’mgoodat what I want to do. Once I finish up at UT, I could get some references from my professors, both in New York and here, and I could start hunting for starter positions.” He shrugged. “Sure, it’d be easier to achieve my dream with my dad’s help and support. I’d be able to start my own firm if I wanted to, focus on the mom-and-pop stores, local products, and artists. But I never wanted my own firm to begin with, and he was never going to support me in that anyway. He wanted me to go to Wharton. He wanted me to come aboard at his company. So what if we’ve sped up the inevitable? It’s better than living under his thumb and giving up what’s most important to me to satisfy his idea of who I am. Who he wants me to be.” He thrust up his chin again. “Let him see how strong we can be together.”
Joel wished he believed the way Casey did. He’d do anything for an ounce of Casey’s certainty. But when he looked into a future where Casey moved in with him and gave up his family, their money, and his degree, all Joel could see was struggle and poverty—and the fire of conviction going out in Casey’s eyes.
“My father doesn’t get it, and everything he said to me last night only made me more sure,” Casey went on. “Every objection he raised? Just made me more certain that I could never live in the future he envisions for me. Never, ever.”
“I get that, but you don’t have to decide now.”
“I’ve already decided. Or don’t you want me here with you? You get a choice too, Joel. If you don’t want me, you should say so now.” Hurt tinged his voice.
“I don’t have to decide now either,” Joel said quickly. “Let’s not fight on Christmas. Let’s just enjoy the day the best we can and see what the future brings.”
It wasn’t his usual way to brush reality under the rug, but he was willing to do it now. If Casey wasn’t eager to go home, then Joel was going to milk this time together while he could. But he wasn’t ready for the man he loved to throw over his entire life to live in poverty, running on caffeine and dreams, either.
As Joel stood to put his somehow-empty dish in the sink, a new thought crossed his mind. Maybe Casey wouldn’t go running to his parents, but Joel could. Not today, necessarily, but if things didn’t right themselves soon… It wasn’t like Joel had nothing to say to Jonathan Stevens.
“I’ve got to get to the nursing home.” Joel swallowed hard. “I’d ask you to come, because I’m not ashamed of you or what we’re doing.” He dumped his coffee down the drain. “But if you think last night was a shit show? Bringing you into my dad’s nursing home room on Christmas Day would probably result in him stroking out.” He shrugged, turning toward Casey and catching his sad eyes. “So, unless you want a death on your conscience today…”
“That’s all right. I get it.” Casey smiled. “I have things I can do here. If I can borrow your laptop, that is.”
“Sure. It’s not nice like yours, but…”
Casey stood up and gathered Joel close. Joel buried his nose in Casey’s neck and took long, deep breaths. He pushed Casey back and murmured, “I won’t be long.”
“Take your time. I’ll clean up the kitchen. Can I feed Bruno the leftovers?”
